[freespirit86]

I’m 21 and have been constantly dealing with the pressures and desire to have a “prefect skinny body”. It doesn’t help that I’m very self-conscious and also a perfectionist. I work out roughly five days a week and enjoy going to the gym but I struggle with food. I feel like I’m always hungry and thinking about food to the point where I want food not because I’m hungry but because it just sounds so good.

I try to eat healthy and eat small meals but it never goes according to plan. It either turns into a lot of small “healthy” snacks, which does nothing to help eating less, or it starts off eating healthy but then I get super bad cravings for junk food especially peanut butter (my one true weakness).
Because of my love of food and strong desire for a good body I have fallen into a vicious cycle. I try to eat less and won’t eat even if I’m hungry, but then sometimes I become so hungry that all I think about is food and end up eating a large quantity of food, usually super unhealthy. After I gorge myself in unhealthy food I feel so bad and ashamed of myself that it usually ends in me purging in attempt to feel better about myself.

This cycle has been going on for a while but now I’m living on my own and has gotten worse. Since I am so self-conscious, I limit eating, and snacking especially, around others because of what they might think and also with people always around it’s hard to go to the bathroom to purge.
Now living on my own I have an endless supply of food that I can eat when I’m bored with no judgment from anyone and when I feel bad about it, it’s easy to head to the bathroom and purge.

I’m caught it in this and have no clue how to get out because I am young and do want the good body and want to appear attractive to guys. Ill change my mind set about body image but I’m so self-conscious that it always goes back to this.

[Skeezyks]

Hello freespirit86: The Skeezyks doesn't really know a lot about this sort of thing. But I saw that no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would. (By the way... I also LOVE peanut butter!)

The Skeezyks is a skinny old person. I keep my weigh at or near the bottom of the normal BMI range for my height, gender, etc. In fact, right now, I may be even a bit below it. I eat fruit & cereal for breakfast, no lunch typically, a normal dinner & I usually have something for dessert during the evening... because I have a sweet tooth. But I seldom snack. I weigh myself daily. And if I catch myself starting to gain weight, I cut back. I'm pretty-much always hungry. But I've taught myself to ignore it & just do what I do... My exercise consists almost exclusively of walking, which I do quite a bit of.

From what you wrote, it sounds to me as though perhaps you might want to consider looking into an eating disorders program. It sounds like you're really struggling. So I send healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...

[Anrea]

Hi there FreeSpirit86.

On the page you wrote this thread, are 4 headers. You might want to also look into your certain concern. For example, when I want to talk about my bulimia issues, I go there - and when I want to talk about my symptoms of over-eating, I go there.

I feel that there isn't quite the commenting and interaction in the eating disorders area as are in some other areas and have been trying to be more active. I think it is important that we share experiences and target what our triggers are.

I like focusing on the bundle of emotions I have that is causing the obsessing and trying to unravel what it might be. By doing that, I have learned that often when I am bored and want to accomplish things, I do so by eating. My focus on eating can swing from average, to totally obsessed.

My biggest problem is overeating. I actually envy the part of you that is anorexic. I know that is wrong to do, but I am overweight at 51 when I have never been overweight in my life. I was always tiny and cute. Now I am an apple.

Anyway, I am glad I learned so much about food, juicing, smoothies healthy or deserts, what to buy at the grocery store - etc.

Until March 6th I ate 2 peanut butter toast every day with hot chocolate. On that day, I had skipped peanut butter for the entire month of Feb., bought a jar and ate near half and boy did I get sick. My peanut butter love/craving that was with me for years is over.

I am eating a lot more meat now, and I try to have an egg a day. I find that helps me not to crave protein. Because I eat so many vegetables, I usually don't get enough protein.

I believe in the idea to try to only eat food. : By that I mean, processed as little as possible - ignoring the insides of the aisles at the store and focusing on the outside aisles - dairy, meat, fruit, vegs.

My eating obsession though - is cured by eating almost any food - so I am lucky for that. I don't crave sweets as much as spicy, salty. Due to my low SSDI budget, I cannot afford to eat as healthy as I would like, and eat a lot of noodles/beans/rice included with my veggies. And of course, a lot of canned veggies instead of fresh.

Since I changed what I eat, I haven't gained any weight. I still have my bad habits, and after I binge I still vomit often (it goes in stages) - but for the most part, consuming less junk food has halted the weight gain.

If you haven't already - arm yourself with knowledge. Understand food and how it works and exits your body. Avoid laxatives, they really mess things up. Peel apart the layers of your mind to examine and identify the emotions that follow the choices you regret.

If you build your confidence this illness can lessen or even disappear. I hope you begin seeing the parts of you that are more then appearance. Those are the things people learn to have deep, long lasting feelings for. Explore your personal interests, develop some hobbies and tackle them. The active mind that is accomplishing its desires won't have as much time to be bored and destructive.

Worry less about fitting into glass slippers and more about shattering glass ceilings. Because if and when the fairy tale ends, you will need to be your best friend. I married the first time at 25 and wish, wish, wish I hadn't done so. I had to much of my life to live, and to much I still wanted to learn about me. It is a great time to be single and taking care of yourself in America.

Love YOU!