[LucyD]

For a long long time I have been battling the bulge. I've been dieting and losing and gaining weight. Then about the past 2 years I haven't been able to lose any and have been binge eating like crazy and gaining weight and feeling so very disgusted with myself. I've been telling my psychiatric nurse practitioner about this for about the past 6 mos. or more. Finally he prescribes me something to make me not want to eat as much. It's not a diet pill. It's Topamax. He said if I don't drink enough water I could get kidney stones and that scared me because I know how painful that can be. I've been taking it for over a week now and have been eating a lot less. My weight has started to go down, too. He told me he is going to increase the doseage. Now I feel scared I'm going to start binging again because I'm getting a tolerance to the Topamax. Last night I ate a lot of celery but it could have been worse. But it wasn't worse. lol. I've been using some of the things I learned in the past like HALT. Am I Hungry, Am I Angry, Am I Lonely, Am I tired. I tend to eat for other reasons I know. Also I am just going to take this One Day at a Time. I can get through 24 hours easier than getting through a year at once!

[LucyD]

This post has had 45 views or can that be from guests too. What's wrong with me that no one wants to reply? I seem to always get this problem here.

[DechanDawa]

Maybe because you didn't ask a specific question.

[LucyD]

I didn't know asking a specific question was a requirement of a thread here. I have been practicing restraint for about 10 days now but I took a break tonight and had a big fish sandwich and onion rings and some ice cream. I really didn't go on a binge, though. Tomorrow it is back to the less calories routine. I went grocery shopping and didn't buy any munchies. I bought baby carrots instead. I can't wait to see my doctor again to increase the Topamax. It is helping to keep the binging at bay and I am so glad for that. But it is making me sort of tired. I'm hoping that will wear off in time. Thanks for your message.

[DechanDawa]

Not a requirement to ask a question, of course not. It is just one way to engender a response. No need to get offended. I was just making a suggestion. But I don't think I will respond to any more of your posts. Good luck.

[LucyD]

Geez you are a touchy one aren't you. Can't even say what I was thinking.

Originally Posted by LucyD

I didn't know asking a specific question was a requirement of a thread here. I have been practicing restraint for about 10 days now but I took a break tonight and had a big fish sandwich and onion rings and some ice cream. I really didn't go on a binge, though. Tomorrow it is back to the less calories routine. I went grocery shopping and didn't buy any munchies. I bought baby carrots instead. I can't wait to see my doctor again to increase the Topamax. It is helping to keep the binging at bay and I am so glad for that. But it is making me sort of tired. I'm hoping that will wear off in time. Thanks for your message.

asking a question isn't a requirement, no.. not at all

like i've said on other threads- it's a busy forum, with lots of messages daily

it could be that people just miss your post, or have no idea what to say (or in some cases, may think you just want to vent and allow you the space).

as for your other question, yes that counts as guests as well.. the view number i mean

i struggle with binge eating as well. have done forever- i have bad days, and then not so bad days (which can't really be classed as good days, but still better)

constantly struggle with getting too much in every week.. stuff i don't really need, just so i can binge on it

i've given up worrying about things like weight- and health concerns relating to doing this, because it's just un controlable- i've been told loads of stuff about the dangers, but i'm not affected anymore.. it's a daily struggle

[Prism Bunny]

Hey, sorry that people failed to respond to you yet!

If you developed an over-eating disorder that has interrupted your life for a while now, and you are taking medication that potentially leave you in the hospital (kidney stones), then why not try another option? You could talk to your physicians about using a stomach lap-band. You would eat fewer calories, but your intake of liquids would increase. Plus, the surgery would not be permanent and can be adjusted over time.

About the Topamax, there are medications similar medications that would not leave you in a desperate state of hunger. There are mood stabilizers such as Lamictal, and there are an anti-anxiety and anti-nerve pain such as Gabapentin. You need to find the right medication for your body, and obviously, you are struggling with your current med. I promise if you switched to others that do not cause weight gain or hunger pains; you would be in good spirits.

And remember that you not alone. Women and men can look at their reflection in the mirror for 10 seconds, and find at least one flaw they dislike or hate.

[eskielover]

Prozac was the medication that triggered my anorexia so bad I ended up in the hospital in & out for several years.....Wellbutrin caused the same effect but that was what my pdoc tried after they realized that not eating was my side effect to prozac but not eating is my reaction to stress also which was the main issue along with not wanting to live anyway.

I would hate taking a medication where kidney stones could be the side effect. Not sure which is worse, binge eating or kidney stones at that point. I would seriously ask to look for some other medication & know the side effects before accepting it.

There are times now that I have recovered mostly from the anorexia 2 times that I get cravings for flavors (this special brand of BBQ potato chips specifically). Or dark chocolate candy.

I think I would work on mindfulness & being completely aware of what you are doing at all times & making sure that you are making the choice to binge eat rather than most of the time it's unconscious...something you find yourself doing before you even know you are. Maybe doing Group DBT & having a psychologist who works with you & is more of someone holding you accountable. Accountability partners are wonderful when it comes to ED's at times.

I would just be leery of the method you are on right now personally.

[LucyD]

Thank you all for your responses. A big problem I have had is that I feel like other people are trying to control me when they put me on diets and tell me how to diet. I am 58 years old and know very well how to diet and lose weight and have control issues big time. I am not sure why but I am a serous sexual abuse victim/survivor, too. I have not gotten any kidney stones yet but am afraid of that and thank you for hearing my concerns. I am going to ask my psychiatric nurse practitioner about the other meds you mentioned. I am feeling some hope on this Topamax right now but with reservations about possible side effects. I read that another side effect is possibly going blind!!! OMG.

I know good dietary habits and am following them now. I see that I would need to try another med for the binge eating. I haven't had the kidney stones yet and am drinking plenty of liquids like my doc told me. I really appreciate all of your input. This is such a hard thing to go through. It's like I'm afraid of my own disorder! Time will change that hopefully.

[eskielover]

Abuse in our background or trauma of any surt is quite often the foundation block of ED's. If you have a good therapist you might want to focus on healing from this. It's work but the problem with meds is that they don't solve the REAL cause of our problems they only mask it while it continues to eat away at us.

I didn't know it at the time but my 1st serious anorexia experience at the age of 43 was due to the bad marriage I was trapped in, not the loss of my career or the Prozac. The lack of control I was in the middle of the triggers were just right when the Prozac started the weight loss for me to grab on & go with it.

Second time I was again out of control. Still trapped in that bad marriage. A bad asthma attach from forest fire smoke triggered the start of the weight loss added waiting for the birth of my foal as my mare had lost all her previous ones. That was successful but at 3 weeks old she injured her leg cut down to the bone. My mom's cancer surgery hadn't gone well & her oncologist wasn't giving her the care she needed & then I caught the home care person abusing her & finally she Od'ed her on her morphine. I got my mom to the hospital but never left her side for fear they would do something to her...police involvement...total trauma & I had a husband incapable of any support. I couldn't eat & didn't want to because at that point it was the only thing I was in control of.

ED's are not stand alone problems.

After my mom died I sold her house several years later because with the PTSD I had a hard time going back in it...I left my marriage & moved 2100 miles across the US to a place where I knew no one & started life over. I still have disordered eating mostly but I am at a healthy weight & totally active on my wonderful little 10 acre farm & surrounded by more wonderful people than ever before in my life. I eat to stay healthy & enjoy good healthy cooking. Once in awhile a bag of potato chips call my name...but if I don't buy the food it's not in the house. Even with anorexia it's easy to cross over to other disordered eating ways.

Be wise & get treatment for the underlying cause of your ED issues

[LucyD]

Thanks for your thoughtful post. I have gone through counseling in my life before and one of my therapists scared me really bad and I started getting OCD while seeing him. I have seen other therapists, too. There was really only one who I totally liked and I stopped seeing her for some reason I don't recall. My caseworker has offered me counseling by a different counselor than her. She said she doesn't do the deep stuff. I may try that. I don't know what kind of counseling is offered there but I bet I can find out.

I'm sorry you went through all you did. My mom went through Hospice and I'm not so sure they didn't overdose her. I believe there are nurses out there that will do that. It's truly a scary world out there.

I have PTSD, too, and OCD. I don't get out much and am much like a shut-in. I've seen so many bad things in life I don't want to see any more.

[Anrea]

I am jealous that your Dr. cared. (not really, just a little because mine doesn't seem as concerned about my weight as I think he should be).

I am pleased with this part of your sentence:Last night I ate a lot of celery but it could have been worse. But it wasn't worse. lol. By adding, "But it wasn't worse" it shows that you understand your issue, how good and how bad it can be, and you have a respect for your efforts. I think those 4 words suggest self acceptance, tolerance and even like and appreciation for the work you have put into overcoming your struggle.

You put this in the area of Eating Disorders, and not under the Binge / Overeating area. I go there, and wouldn't have even noticed this if not for the title. I think the Binge/ Overeating page ebbs and flows in how often people respond. I think as we become more active on it, it will become more active. I think depression, and self esteem issues are probably common for binge and overeaters and sometimes we just don't have the heart of motivation to comment. I think I am not alone in feeling happy for you, at the same time, sad for myself that I am not medicated.

I am really glad you shared your post, and I hope more people continue to talk in this area. I think sharing is actually going to be good for us all.

[LucyD]

Thanks for your message and validation. It's always nice to get that! I didn't even see the Binge Eating section until today. I am going to have a look there, too. It took a long time before my doctor offered me medication for binge eating. I didn't know there was medication for it.

[RisuNeko]

I, too, am battling binge eating disorder (though I'm a little confused by that diagnosis because I cycle through phases of just binging, binging and purging, and just flat out starving myself for weeks/months at a time.) But I'm on Vyvanse now for both the ED and ADHD and it's helping a lot. I just wish the medication lasted for more than 5 hours tops.

I'm pretty sure it's quite rare to get kidney stones from Topamxax, especially if you're getting enough fluids. I've been on it twice at a relatively high dose and didn't watch my water intake at all and still didn't have any problems. I think Topamax might be one of those medications that you're supposed to get frequent blood tests for, though. So if that's the case, it might be worth going in to get labs done to make sure everything is where it should be.

Also, just a comment regarding hospice and end of life care (which was mentioned above)...I've worked in caregiving for elderly people for a long time, and I have the utmost respect for hospice providers. Believe me, when you're in "the business" long enough, you can start to literally smell death on someone who is dying, and you can sense when they've decided (even through the fog of dementia) that they are just plain done with life. And I don't think this is a bad thing, it's just the way things work. I've been a medication aid at an assisted living facility, and when we had individuals on the verge of death, low dose morphine and xanax were the gold standard for relieving the restlessness and pain that dying of an age related illness inevitably causes. I haven't personally witnessed a nurse or hospice provider "intentionally overdosing" someone with palliative medicine. So maybe I'm biased in their favor. But everyone dies, and I feel that there are good deaths and bad deaths. To me a good death is one in which the individual is with people who deeply love them, gets to say goodbye, and get to make their own decision about whether or not they want to continue in life. I'm not talking about assisted suicide (which is legal in my state, as it so happens, and in principle I think it's a good thing, but the logistics behind setting up and planning to have a doctor end their life are fraught with red tape. For instance, the individual has to obtain and pick up the prescription from the pharmacy by themselves. Many people who are near death cannot simply hop in a car and drive to the pharmacy. I could rant further on the matter, but this is not the place for that). I can certainly understand being protective of a loved one and wanting to keep them alive and well for as long as possible, but I think longevity of life means very little if quality of life is so poor that the extra months/years are not worth it, either financially, or, more importantly, with regard to things like dignity, self-efficacy, and independence. If an elderly person feels they have done enough in life, and that they are done (usually either by expressing this verbally, or if the individual suffers from dementia, by refusing food and drink) I think they should have a right to choose to leave life behind, and in cases when the individual lacks the capacity to choose, I choose to have faith that most hospice nurses/caregivers/doctors have the best and most objective and educated view on a person's needs and desires when it comes to the end of life. If the reason for wanting to die is due to something like mental illness which can be alleviated through treatment, that's a different matter. But overall, I view hospice workers and other caregivers as invaluable members of society who have a lot of heart and empathy and are generally worthy of our trust rather than being worthy of suspicion, resentment, and in extreme cases, accusations of murder. Aging is a complicated process (I should know, I'm doing a graduate degree in gerontology right now), but we know one thing for sure. It has an inevitable end--death. Does this have to be viewed as a bad thing? Can't there be good deaths too? Saying goodbye to a loved one is hard, but I for one would much rather say goodbye to my loved ones when they are still capable of saying goodbye back. Saying goodbye to an empty shell who can no longer understand that you love them, or express that they love you back, seems undignified and ultimately tragic to me.

These are just my thoughts on hospice and dying. I am not trying to say what happened to your mother was a good thing. Abuse is never a good thing. I just want to share another perspective on end of life care since it's something that I am very invested in.

[LucyD]

I couldn't read your whole post. My mom's hospice care is a big source of pain for me. They put her in restraints shortly before she died. Yes, she did get aggressive but they didn't have to keep her in restraints as she died!!

For just a comment you wrote a book practically. And frankly, this is my thread and I really didn't want to hear all that.

[LucyD]

Well, I wanted to edit my last post but they don't give you any time to do that here. Anyone is welcome to post in this thread of course. I don't "own" this thread. I just was upset about my mom's hospice at the end of her life and could not read what the last poster wrote and got frustrated and angry then.