coming back

My ED started when I was 16 and I went into anorexia hardcore, going from 190 at 5'9 to 110 by the time I was 19.
Now, thanks to meds, I'm back up to 170 and it sickens me.
I guess you'd say Im bulimerexic (sp?) whatever. I starve and abuse laxs and diuretics obsessively. I dont throw up though, but trust me, I've tried.
It worries me when blood comes out...but it hasnt stopped me yet. I just like the feeling of being empty, and when I do eat, I compensate.
I've recently lost 30lbs again thanks to this, and I cant stop myself.
Plus, Im fixing to go on topamax which Ive heard causes weight loss. This alone would make me feel better reqardless of anything else it does to control my moodswings. Sometimes I wonder if all my problems go back to me being fat and sickening. But even at 110 I wasnt happy. So I dont know what to do.

Has anyone else here lost weight or heard about losing weight on topamax. I need it to be my savior, bothe physically and emotionally because I'm at the end of my rope, literally.

Input would be nice
Thanks!

-Kelly-

ive been on topomax for help with weight issues, due to my bulimia. its supposed to help you not be so hungry, but i dont think it did that much for me, plus it gives an awful taste in your mouth. i dont mean the pill itself tastes bad. i mean that after it absorbs in your system it gives a metallic taste.

Hi, my sister has an ED and she has not taken any pills to try and stop it. Honestly ive never heard about that particular pill!
Ive got a suggestion, have you told your parents, partner or someone who will be with you at home about this problem. It may be hard to confide with them but it will help, beleve me!
My mother found out about my sisters bad habits, she used to trow up and my mom cought her once! She has not recovered from it yet but has improved alot! Having family around is a great step in solving your problem! Its tough but then again i dont think that you tought its going to be easy.
Our method is drastic but efficiant, my mom controles what my sis eats (in the house) she helps her keep a balanced diet. We exercise together so that she wont feel guilty after she has eaten. Since we know about her habits we check up on her when she is in the loo, (this may be amusing to some but it works).
It requiers sacrifice from both ends, i mean the fridge and freezer is locked at night and any time my sister is alone at home, in order to keep her from eating! She gets annoyed about this at times, but in her good days, she knows its all for her good!
Its a pity you started this bad habit, but know act upon it! Its hard, thats true, but its not impossible! Now maby most of the things i said here do not refere to your condition but what i mean is that haveing someone to support you keeps you on track! (i dont mean a friend someone who is with you at home, when you are mostly at risk)