I Don't Want To...

WorkInProgress16 · Aug 10, 2013, 09:12 PM

Recover. I do not want to recover. I want to lose weight. I am not anorexic, I would classify myself as EDNOS but I binge eat and use food for comfort. I want to fix those things but I don't want to recover.

I don't know why I needed or wanted to say this but I did.

tealBumblebee · Aug 10, 2013, 10:09 PM

Do you feel like you don't want to recover because you don't feel like you have a problem in the first place? Could you be saying that you want to modify some of your behaviors but not to the extent of saying that those current behaviors belong to be categorized as "wrong?" I understand wanting to lose weight and many people binge eat for comfort (to a degree). If thats an illness, than many people need a lot of recovering.

eskielover · Aug 11, 2013, 06:42 AM

I want to stay within a specific weight range & sometimes that ends up restricting at times & eating at others.....haven't figured out another way of eating continuously eating 3 meals a day......but I definitely wanted to recover from the anorexia & the really LOW weight I was at because I hated passing out all the time especially when riding my horse.....so in some ways, I can relate to what you are saying.

WorkInProgress16 · Aug 11, 2013, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

Do you feel like you don't want to recover because you don't feel like you have a problem in the first place? Could you be saying that you want to modify some of your behaviors but not to the extent of saying that those current behaviors belong to be categorized as "wrong"?

I believe anyone with an unhealthy relationship with food needs help. I understand my relationship is unhealthy. I know I need a better relationship with food. Binging everyday and overeating constantly is not healthy but I want to go more so in the other direction. I want to be able to go on low amounts of calories but I can't bring myself to stop using food as comfort.

spondiferous · Aug 12, 2013, 03:26 PM

There's actually a great tool that tells you what you need to maintain your current body weight. It tells you how much caloric and nutrient intake you need to function well at your current weight. It mentions that if you are pregnant/breastfeeding you would need more, and if you are trying to lose weight you would need less. The only person who could really help you calculate that would be a doctor, specifically a nutritionist, and ideally someone who works with clients with EDs.
I hear what you're saying. Lately I have decided that I do want to lose weight, but I'm confused as to how to do it because I do want to recover, and I also am a staunch supporter of fat positivity, and I feel like I'm contradicting myself for wanting what I want. But at the same time I am tired of how my body feels all the time: stiff and sore, hard to move around, can't stand, sit or lie in one position for long no matter where I am.
It's just really really hard for me to want something like this without doing the following:
- setting a ridiculously goal weight for myself
- wanting to over exercise (like 3-4 hours a day, every single day of the week, most of it high aerobic activity)
- wanting to exist on minimal calories a day
- wanting to eat nothing but fruits and veggies, drink water, have teeny tiny meals
- compare myself to supermodels who, no matter how hard I try, I will not look like. I am not 5'9". I have gained and lost so much weight so many times that even when I lose weight this time, slow and healthy, I will have so much extra skin sagging all over my body. This is one of the reasons I've been scared to lose weight, even naturally. And I'm afraid that if I consider any kind of surgery then I am going to become obsessed with surgery and become some kind of 'living Barbie'.

I dunno. That's just where I'm at right now. I don't know if any of those things go through your head. I'm considerably 'obese' (I hate that term but I don't really know what else to say about it); my BMI is twice what it should be for someone my age and height, according to the medical profession. I don't have any illusions about being teeny tiny. I just want to be a healthy weight and feel good about my body. I don't want it to be about specific shapes and sizes. I just WISH I knew how to get there.

WorkInProgress16 · Aug 12, 2013, 05:17 PM

My BMI is in the normal but I am heavier than my "Ideal Weight" both medically and in my mind (even though those two ideal are about 20 lbs apart). I also wish I could over exercise and eat near nothing but because of my lack of self control I can't. I'm trying very hard but fail. Stupid EDNOS.