[cka87]

So I am set to see my T next Monday but I have really been struggling the past few days with overeating (I say overeating...I'm not even sure if its true overeating its just overeating for me.)

I feel so bloated and gross and disgusted with my body. I also recently started 2 meds that are known to cause weight gain so im basically petrified and feeling like i have no control over myself. and the fact that I keep choosing to overeat only solidifies my belief that I'm out of control and need to go back to restricting.

anyway, I want to cancel my appt and reschedule for later! I feel like I need to get my act together, get back to my usual diet and fix myself before I see T again. omg even as I type it out it sounds ridiculous but I can't help it. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed to let her see me like this. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about. so my question is
1. Can i cancel??? Is it okay, is it unprofessional to reschedule? can I do that??
2. how do I handle the shame...I dont want to avoid her forever but this is a particularly awful week for me and I just do not want to go.

[Fig4]

I understand your feelings, but I think you need to keep your appointment, and tell your therapist exactly what you've just told us. Trust me....she's not there to judge you, and is not going to judge you or think badly of you.
Eating disorders are hell on earth. You don't need to feel shame...this is an illness. You don't apologize for being ill.

[wiltedxdaisy]

I can really relate to this... I have wanted to cancel so many appts before due to feeling "too fat". But your T is there to help you. He/She is there to help you, not to judge you, and I'm sure you will feel much better once you've gone and settled in to the appt. Just be open and honest with your T.

As for how to handle the shame... for me, I try to remind myself that what I am seeing (or even feeling) is what my disordered mind wants to see/feel. It does mean that is is the truth. Perhaps your T could help work with you on your self-esteem? I know I really struggle with this too, and it's something that me and mine work on a lot.

Best of luck to you!

[cka87]

Originally Posted by wiltedxdaisy

I can really relate to this... I have wanted to cancel so many appts before due to feeling "too fat". But your T is there to help you. He/She is there to help you, not to judge you, and I'm sure you will feel much better once you've gone and settled in to the appt. Just be open and honest with your T.

As for how to handle the shame... for me, I try to remind myself that what I am seeing (or even feeling) is what my disordered mind wants to see/feel. It does mean that is is the truth. Perhaps your T could help work with you on your self-esteem? I know I really struggle with this too, and it's something that me and mine work on a lot.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks, I didn't cancel my appt bc I'm just as scared to cancel as I am to go.
I've told her I don't know how to show up for therapy when I'm feeling fatter but she hasn't ever really responded to that comment before. Maybe tomorrow I need to tell her again and tell her I need an actual answer. Argh, don't know.

And as for feeling ashamed- I really struggle with even thinking that my perceptions are disordered. It's difficult to accept, I see fat, I feel fat, how can I be wrong