[henrydavidtherobot]

It's very hard for me to admit that I was diagnosed with an ED years ago. I'm naturally thin and the image that I have of those with EDs is very different from anything I've suffered with. My heart goes out to those who have such a hard time because of an ED.

From a you g age, I've felt that no one cares about me or likes me and that I didn't have enough good traits to be seen by others. However, people like me more if I'm skinny and pretty. I feel unnerved by people who are thinner than me.

In middle school, I used to beat myself with objects for not being thin enough and counted calories and portions like crazy. I got teased for it. As I got older, I'd deal with food cravings by chewing food and spitting it out.

I got caught puking in High School. I then noticed that I could get away with it better if I slammed booze then forced nyself to vomit it. I gave me a lot of pleasure. I'd also skip meals to save money. When I tried to stop, I started SI. I got myself under control a bit and saw a therapist who diagnosed me with bulimia.

Nowadays, I'm typically fine, but I keep little food in my house, feel guilty if I eat bad food for days in a row, and don't own a scale. I've been OK though. I typically love my body.

Now, I feel fat and ugly. I'm binging and I want to exercise a lot and have thought about puking. In considering not eating for a couple of days to save money and burn calories. It's a horrible idea though. I'm pretty sure that I am lacking in some nutrient and I am very prone to hypoglymia.

I'm getting scared and feeling out if control. What's happening?

[Gr3tta]

You may be relapsing. You may also be having disordered eating (as opposed to an eating disorder) as a symptom of something else: anxiety, depression, ocd, any number of things. If you feel concerned about your physical health, i would recommend scheduling a physical exam with a doctor, and you coulld request routine bloodwork as well. This would give you a good overall picture as to whether your physical health is being effected by your behavior at this time. Meeting with a therapist or pdoc would be the best first step in ascertaining if your mental health needs addressing.
In any case, i really hope you feel better soon. Thank you for sharing.

Hi, I'm a former bulimic. It's a bad idea to stop eating for a few days. That will mess up your metabolism. Plus, you'll probably just end up going on a massive binge after you can't control your hunger anymore. Years of yo yo dieting has ruined my metabolism. Just eat what you like in small portions. You say that you're already thin, so why starve yourself?

I used to be thin, but now I'm fat since I messed up my metabolism so badly, that it's extremely hard for me to loose weight now no matter what. Don't skip meals either or resort to using alcohol again. I stopped being bulimic although it was a great quick fix since it was causing me to have severe stomach problems. It went away soon after I stopped binging and purging. It sounds as if you still need to work on your self esteem and your fear of never being thin enough.

[henrydavidtherobot]

You both are completely right. I did give in and puke once, but I'm back on track. I'm reluctant to go to the doctor because I'm poor, haven't used up my premium, and am already costing/will cost my dad so much money.

I'm having a lot of stomach pain around my lower abdomin and belly button. I did a little research, and I think that I have a type of IBS that acts up when I'm on my period or a minor glutton intolerance, which is scary because I don't eat meat, am lactose intolerant, and have gallbladder pain when I eat fatty food. I'm not trying to restrict my diet any further!

[Gr3tta]

Sometimes OTC products like alka seltzer or gasx can help a little with IBS symptoms. If you're having trouble eating enough you could try supplementing with things like boost or glucerna shakes temporarily, but dont rely on that long term. Remember if you are concerned about money that it is always much cheaper to treat a minor health problem when it first begins, than a major illness much later. Please do see your doctor if your symptoms continue, or prevent you from eating well.
I am glad to hear you are staying on track otherwise. Thats great! I know its much easier said than done.