I have a person that I care very deeply about.

She has a very bad eating disorder. She refuses to eat - far too often. She is already weak and undersized.

She also has very bad depression.

I do not know how to help, and it is breaking me heart. ANY advice is appreciated. I am very, very worried that she will not survive another year this way.

[sunsetsunrise]

Hi. I am sorry. I know how painful and horrible this can be. Are you both by chance in school? If so, you could perhaps contact a guidence counselor. Do you know if she has family members who have tried to help? And if so, do you know what they have tried? What she has tried?

In my opinion, you could try to get a group of her friends together and surround her with huge amounts of love. and see if she is willing to allow professional help. Love love love is often really important.

I wish there was a solid answer to give you. I do believe that people here will continue to support you while you try to help her. also if you want you could call or email the national eating disorders association. Talk with them and see what they might recommend.

[Grey Matter]

This is something that requires being really, really delicate (as sun said with love). My ED began at full force when I was 16, and the friends I had at the time saw how my body was changing, how my mood was changing, how weak I was and withdrawn I was. The problem is, ED's are tricky. When we are un-diagnosed, we don't like to believe are eating is disordered. Even when we are diagnosed, we sometimes argue and fight that we are fine and this is very much normal because it IS normal to us.

From my own personal experience; my friends did what sun suggested and told a guidance counselor. It didn't end well for me. I felt attacked, vulnerable, and as though I had no one on my side. If anything, it made me remove myself further from friends and family. I felt like it was a violation.

I think having a sit down is one of the better routes to take. She needs to feel safe, loved, and respected. I know a lot of people who spoke to me like I was a child and it pissed me off something awful. I don't think you'll do that. Find a neutral place to talk (not a home, but a park, a coffee shop, some where you can have a quiet conversation) and just explain your concerns. Tell her you love her, and that if she ever needs you, you'll be there for her. And that she can talk to you and not fear judgement.

I wish you luck and I hope your friend gets help soon.

[Hope-Full]

Just be there for her. Don't try to fix her. Don't offer advice. Just be there. Even if she doesn't want you around, still check in on her and tell her you were thinking about her. Go to movies, go to her house and watch a movie (she likely will not want to go anywhere.) Just sit there with her. Bring a book or knitting.

Just be there for her. It will help her know she's not going to lose you while she's dealing with losing control of everything else.

At least that's what I wanted in the lowest part of my ED, and still today in the middle of these low points in recovery, I don't want my friends to fix me (I have my therapist and treatment team for that!) I just want them to be there for me.

[Victoria'smom]

She know's the risks. When you hang out with her make sure it has nothing to do with food. Ie. Going to the mall get a drink that you can carry around instead of eating at the food court, go to a coffee house. The less food is involved when hanging out the more she'll be willing to hang out with you outside the house. It's not your job to do anything but be a good friend. You could also talk to your therapist about it as it affects you as a friend.

A very sincere thank you to each of you.....

I appreciate your help.

[aakriti90feb]

such eating disorder is called Anorexia Nervosa, when one does not eat to starvation. See, at this point you should try to find out her fields of interest. she seems to be not lively at this point. and that is why she refuses to eat. When she will get lively or start doing what she actually likes and loves, then she will feel appetite, her hunger pangs will get alive. And she will start eating. do u get me? Try this. it will help.