I have a male friend who is looking like a walking skeleton. He has been pretty thin for a while now in the time I've known him (a couple years). He has always looked like he was sick... I guess I thought he was sick. Some medical condition. I thought he must have a serious medical condition. I'm not sure that I feel close enough to him for it to be any of my business...

But a couple weeks back I was chatting to some people... And they said they thought he had anorexia. It had occurred to me, but I guess I figured it was fairly unlikely because 1) he is male and 2) he doesn't really exercise at all. But then someone said they had a chat to him and it was anorexia. They asked him if he had chatted to anyone about that and he said he didn't want to.

Last week he looked like he was about to keel over... I know he had a pretty stressful week then though...

This week he looked a little better than last week. Not saying a whole heap, but at least he didn't look like he was about to keel over...

We have dinner once a week. He is vegetarian. He typically says he doesn't like the food... It struck me tonight... He has half a baked tomato and a piece of pumpkin and doesn't touch the substantial parts of his meal. He avoids the soup and the bread roll. For dessert he always gets a small portion of fruit salad and... cream on top. The caterers have started giving him extra cream. A whole bowl full and he will take anyone elses. I'm wondering though... If that is his food for the week...

I'm concerned about him but I don't want to say or do anything to make it worse. Someone said to him tonight 'you really should eat more of that, what do you eat? Less than 500 calories per day? Your body will be absorbing bone soon.' I thought that was pretty insensitive... He looked unhappy... But two other people gave him half tomatoes and so he ate a little more...

I'm not sure what to do... Any thoughts?

[dcs_no1_fan]

Im sorry that your friend is like this but if he doesnt want help he will not get it im anorexic myself so everyone tells me & having a hard time atm due to people who love me very much going on that im to skinny & should eat ect but I still think that im fat & I will not get help as I dont think I have a problem but every else thinks that I do im sorry that I cant really help you at the moment maybe someone eles on here can help

Do you mind if I ask you a couple questions? I don't really know anything about anorexia, but I'm trying to learn...

I understand that you *feel* fat, but... You know what your weight is and you know about the reccomended weight for your height - don't you?

Do you think the scales are lying?
Do you think that you are different from everyone else with respect to what weight is appropriate for your height?

Or is it more... That you do understand that your body is starving it is just that you *feel* fat and so you find it really hard to eat and stuff because of the feeling?

Just trying to understand.

I'm wondering if part of why he doesn't want help is because he may have tried in the past and not had a very good reception by clinicians etc. I've chatted to a few people online who had anorexia and they were really finding it very hard to get in to see a therapist who was happy to treat them.

Apparantly there is a really good eating disorders clinic in my city but it is hard to get into... I'm wondering about trying to get in contact with someone so that when I talk to him I can pass on someones name and say that a few people are really concerned about him. That I'd be happy to go with him and wait outside or go in with him if he would like... But I'd want to check out this person first to make sure he would get a good reception.

[dcs_no1_fan]

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special_k said:
Do you mind if I ask you a couple questions? *No I dont mind*

I really know anything about anorexia, but I'm trying to
I understand that you *feel* fat, but... You know what your weight is and you know about the reccomended weight for your height - don't you? * Yes I do *

Do you think the scales are lying? * Yes *

Do you think that you are different from everyone else with respect to what weight is appropriate for your height? *yes I have a friend who is the same size as me & has anorexica & I look at her & wish I could be like her cause I think that she is so much thinner than me & she looks at me like that as well she weighs less than me but wears a size 8 & I can now get in a size 6*

Or is it more... That you do understand that your body is starving it is just that you *feel* fat and so you find it really hard to eat and stuff because of the feeling? *I dont think that my body is starving because all I can see is fat. I find it very hard to eat sometimes I can be really hungry but I cant get anything down me so I just leave it & it goes*

Just trying to understand.

I'm wondering if part of why he doesn't want help is because he may have tried in the past and not had a very good reception by clinicians etc. I've chatted to a few people online who had anorexia and they were really finding it very hard to get in to see a therapist who was happy to treat them. * It could be that or it could just be that he dosent think that he has a problem & so he doesnt need to see anyone *

Apparantly there is a really good eating disorders clinic in my city but it is hard to get into... I'm wondering about trying to get in contact with someone so that when I talk to him I can pass on someones name and say that a few people are really concerned about him. That I'd be happy to go with him and wait outside or go in with him if he would like... But I'd want to check out this person first to make sure he would get a good reception. *Thats sounds like a good idea to me if you know a little about what your trying to help him with he might not see it that you are picking on him as such but you really do want to help him*

Take Care <font color="blue"> </font>

[ickydog2006]

I'm no longer anorexic and haven't been for some time(I switced to bulimia long ago but got over that too). However I still struggle with how I feel when I look at the mirror. All I see is fat. I know I have 8 more pounds I can lose and still be in the healthy weight range, but even if I lose that I know I will still see only fat. I've learned that I can't live by what I see. I feel fat and I feel I look fat most of the time, but a lot of people say I'm thin and look really good. I've learned I have to trust others opinions of me sometimes, more than my own.

I hope that helps you understand the feeling fat issue a little better. The problem largely comes from the fact that we look in the mirror and somehow our brains view the image differently than others do. We see fat, others see thin.

And honestly I have no idea on how to help your friend. Hopefully some others post some ideas.

Good Luck

Thanks for the replies guys :-)

I guess I'm still trying to understand. I know the body image stuff is part of it... I mean the body image stuff in the sense of the way that people represent their body. That people with anorexia often represent their body as fat despite the outline of their bones showing through their skin and despite their BMI index and despite the scales...

Is it that people focus on the areas that aren't like that? I mean it is probably different for different people... But there always will be some fat attached to upper arms and thighs and stomach so even if the bones around your eyes are showing you can still think you are fat because your stomach or upper arms are slightly squishy?

There is more to it than misrepresenting ones own body image, huh.

I mean... If that was all their was to it then presumably a person with anorexia would see another person with anorexia and think that they were radically underweight. The problem would just be with their own body image.

But looking at other people who are radically underweight and seeing it as something to aspire to... Something more must be going on. I've heard that before, actually. I saw a movie about a person with anorexia when I was a teenager. It started for this person with her making a scrapbook of people where she aspired to be the same weight as them and over time... She was cutting out photos of the thinnest people she could find... So I guess it is body image more generally... Not just that one is misrepresenting ones own body...

Is it about... Restricting eating being taken as a symbol for self control? So that not eating is taken to be the ultimate symbol for self control?

> Do you think the scales are lying? * Yes *

All of them?

Or is it just that you disagree with the reccomended body weights etc?

[dcs_no1_fan]

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> Do you think the scales are lying? * Yes *

All of them?


</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

yes I do think that all the scales are wrong maybe it is just me who thinks this way

I guess I'm wondering about whether it is a *thought* that they are wrong so that you literally don't believe the numbers (there is some kind of scale conspiricy, I guess)...

Or whether it is that you *feel* that they are wrong because they can't be right because you *feel* fat...

Or whether it is that you just aim to be the thinnest person still standing up so the numbers don't really mean anything (unless they go up)...

The 'you's' are generic...

I guess there is a lot of ***** going on and it is really hard to say... At least... I know my crap can be like that so I'm fairly sure things can be confusing for other people at times too...

[dcs_no1_fan]

No that scales are not wrong as I have weighed my kids on thm not long ago & then had one in hospital whos scale said the same as mine

No I dont aim to be the thinnest person still standing up or sitting down ect I cat help the way I feel I just think that I am fat & nothing anyone can say will change that I know its hard to under stand how some who is to thin cahne think that they are fat but as you can see there are so many people in the world who think like that