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I haven't delivered a letter to my T yet. I haven't even finished what I was working on. I considered today to send a fax to the office requesting a message to be left for my T to call me tomorrow after he gets in, but I decided to wait and see what I could do about a letter some more. I've been contemplating if I should even tell him. I know that I should. I'm sure it would all come out eventually anyways, and since he knows that my eating habits haven't been great lately, and how I've been with meds recently, I imagine that he'd figure it all out sooner rather than later. I am honest with him, for the most part. Well, about general issues at least. I'm honest regarding my eating habits and most everything, but it's harder to divulge info relating to taking caffeine regularly or herbal/nutritional supplements, and then maybe other things like what happened this past weekend. I'm going to have to tell something or other to my child's T, too, because I ended up leaving him a voice mail because of something my exhusband did. I know I sounded stressed and I don't want my kid's T to think it was totally about my ex and PTSD related. My ex was being a jerk about something, so that on top of this past weekend only added to me sounding stressed. I'll have to think up an excuse for when we go in to the appointment. I know he'll mention it and ask how I am doing. I'm sure I'll be vague and secretive. I don't know how I could tell him everything! It will be hard enough trying to get things across to my own T. My kid's T may even ask if I am eating okay because he knows I skip sometimes and have stress--if he does, I'll say, "Don't go there." That should give him a hint as to what's going on. He likes to keep tabs on me and what's happening. As far as how I am doing today, I don't know. I don't care about eating. I've been hungry, just have chosen not to eat much of anything beyond two Kudo's bars that I took along with me to work. Other than that, I've just had liquids like Diet Coke or water. I haven't had much for solid food at all the past few days. Really, it's like I don't care if I lose weight. I keep remembering how great I thought I looked once when I was 110 pounds. I'm about 120 now. It's not like that is such a bad number. My T said maybe two appointments ago that he didn't think I should go under 120 in weight. I imagine if and once he finds out about this past weekend though, he'll very likely put me on the office scale so he's got something to go by in the future. He did that to me once a couple years ago after I sent him a fax admitting that I had lost a significant amount of weight in a short time. That was shortly after I first started seeing him. There was a break for a while when my insurance changed, but I'm back. Anyway, I'm having fewer of the urges like the weekend, so that is good. I still think about it though, and it does come to mind. Well, I have things to do yet tonight. Maybe I'll see some of you online later.

ink

Ink! You have a problem...you are in therapy....use it to work on the problem. You can't play games with something so serious. Eating disorders are nothing to ignore. It's your health we are talking about here. It the health of your son's mom. Hello? Are you listening!? You have a therapist...two in fact at your disposal. Please use them to get the help you need. You know you have a problem. All you have to do is write it down, and hand them a piece of paper. If not for you, then for your son who I'm sure deserves a healthy mom who will live a loooooong healthy life watching over him.

Therapists are not mind readers. Don't make them guess. Just tell one or both of them what is going on. No more secrets. Spill it. It's time.

Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

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Yes, it will come out...bit by bit. I WILL get a letter to my T's office tomorrow after work. Okay, it's here in writing for the world to see--I've got no choice but to follow-up and do just that now. Actually I better leave the library and head home to work on finishing that letter. I don't want to be up all night working on it, but I have a feeling that I will be up half the night doing it. I've been thinking about making up a new webpage, too. I've had some in the past, but I need a new one that's just about me. It might help keep me distracted and let all of you know more about me. Well, thanks for the scolding. I deserve it. I just can't promise how much I will put in that letter to my T. He'll at least have an idea if nothing else. I'll let you all know.

I'm sorry it sounded like a scolding. It was meant to sound like a kick in the hiney! :-)

Hugs and kicks....Emmy

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama

Well????? What's the latest???

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- The Dalai Lama