[CalmingOcean]

I am EDNOS, so basically bulimic with restricting tendancies, I am just out of a 5 month long binge/purge and now I am so scared of food, I usually just eat salads or spinach and water smoothies...

But the thing is, I have a 2 year old. And he is such a picky eater and I know this is mostly my fault. I wasn't very good at helping him experiment with foods, especially for the past 5 months, because I was in straight binge mode, which to me, is peanut butter toast every night and then a pile of junk food (I hate admitting that). So my sons favorite food is now a huge trigger food for me.

I try and get him to eat things like chicken breast but he seems to only want to eat crap like chicken nuggets and usual kid friendly stuff... Not ED friendly foods...

I get such bad anxiety thinkng about meal time for him... What I can make that he will actually eat and not trigger me into a binge... Which would result in purging... Ugh. It's so frustrating. And then I get depressed at how I have contributed to his horrible eating habits... He wasn't even two and recognized the packaging of cookies or what not for mummy's night time binge. Ack. Now I have to correct a picky eater when I don't even like cooking for myself.

F*#$ I hate food.

[jelly-bean]

Are you on any meds or in therapy right now? You should try to get some help for yourself so that you can help your child learn better eating habits. Both of you deserve to eat healthy and feel wonderful.

[CalmingOcean]

Hi jellybean.. Thank you for that. I am kinda between therapists right now. I am on Meds, but what I don't understand is the psychiatrist who diagnosed me had me on olanzapine because it would increase appetite! Doesn't that seem kind of cruel to you?? I am not even underweight, I am not even on the lower end of the normal bmi!! Just cruel.

[_fleurette_]

CalmingOcean, I'm with you and I'd agree with jelly-bean that you need to ask for help. For the benefit of your baby and you. If you don't agree with olanzapine being prescribed to you discuss that with your psychiatrist and tell him your relationship with food that your son is eating.
I have two kids, 5 and 1.5 yrs old, and I think my elder is now also a picky eater and very nervous and sensitive thanks to my ED (it's atypical bulimia, I used to work out excessively, no vomiting, right now I have depression so even if I want to exercise I just am powerless to do that I feel so tired and depressed all the time so I don't do it and then the ED-guilt just overwhelms me). It's hard for me to get myself together and it's even more harder to take proper care of them. Sometimes I think they deserve a better mom..
Take care!

[eskielover]

Even my medical GP didn't agree with the medication that my pdoc wanted to give me to increase my appetite when I was struggling with anorexia after a bad trauma that I was going through when my mom was dying of cancer.

I honestly wouldn't take a medication just to increase appetite....I would use therapy because it's our thought process that's screwed up & it's only therapy that can truly help it

I don't have to worry about influencing my dog's appetites but I do have to be well enough to care for them so staying at a healthy weight has taken over what is a requirement in my own life. I eat healthy foods even though once in awhile I will snack on chips or seasonal candy that I enjoy but it's not a NORM. Once I got stable after the anorexia this last time I've been able to stay within a healthy zone that is up & down a little from the lowest healthy BMI for me.....it gives me a chance to enjoy socializing with friends & know that it's not going to stay at that point but staying healthy & eating good & healthy foods.....even though there are days when I totally forget to eat because having dealt with the anorexia....my body doesn't always tell me that it's hungry or time to eat.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by _fleurette_

CalmingOcean, I'm with you and I'd agree with jelly-bean that you need to ask for help. For the benefit of your baby and you. If you don't agree with olanzapine being prescribed to you discuss that with your psychiatrist and tell him your relationship with food that your son is eating.
I have two kids, 5 and 1.5 yrs old, and I think my elder is now also a picky eater and very nervous and sensitive thanks to my ED (it's atypical bulimia, I used to work out excessively, no vomiting, right now I have depression so even if I want to exercise I just am powerless to do that I feel so tired and depressed all the time so I don't do it and then the ED-guilt just overwhelms me). It's hard for me to get myself together and it's even more harder to take proper care of them. Sometimes I think they deserve a better mom..
Take care!

Omg I feel this way also. Meal time is such a huge anxiety for me, it's like all he wants to eat is peanut butter toast or 'crap food' as I said to my psychiatrist. And actually I have to give him props, he was very helpful this time, switched me off olanzapine, even talked with me about his own kids picky eating habits and how they only like to eat crap food- chicken nuggets and fries, he said 'they are just kids'... So that did make me feel better. But yeah, I still feel like a big time failure. I hate cooking so I am not good at 'introducing' new foods, plus I don't want to eat so cooking is a trigger. Gah! It's so stupid.

[CalmingOcean]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Even my medical GP didn't agree with the medication that my pdoc wanted to give me to increase my appetite when I was struggling with anorexia after a bad trauma that I was going through when my mom was dying of cancer.

I honestly wouldn't take a medication just to increase appetite....I would use therapy because it's our thought process that's screwed up & it's only therapy that can truly help it

I don't have to worry about influencing my dog's appetites but I do have to be well enough to care for them so staying at a healthy weight has taken over what is a requirement in my own life. I eat healthy foods even though once in awhile I will snack on chips or seasonal candy that I enjoy but it's not a NORM. Once I got stable after the anorexia this last time I've been able to stay within a healthy zone that is up & down a little from the lowest healthy BMI for me.....it gives me a chance to enjoy socializing with friends & know that it's not going to stay at that point but staying healthy & eating good & healthy foods.....even though there are days when I totally forget to eat because having dealt with the anorexia....my body doesn't always tell me that it's hungry or time to eat.

Oh wow.. Not gonna lie. Kinda envious. My stupid body is always telling me it's hungry. I learn to like the hunger pains until a craving takes over and then all bets are off. Then I purge. It's so stupid and illogical but I just can't seem to help it right now. I am working on other addictions and being an alcoholic so I just want to hang on to this one last thing till I feel stable in all the rest. I hope it comes it's hard when food is ALWAyS on your mind. Like you say you can have a normal social life, you want to avoid places with food, people who know you purge and will annoyingly be watching you. They say reach out but then it just pisses me off more when someone says - your not going to purge that are you? Well, if it's a billion calories and it's I front of me then yes, yes I will.

Maybe that's the wrong attitude.