[Stronger]

I recovered (physically) from binge/purge anorexia about 4 years ago. But my thoughts about food have still never really been...what they should be.

This is my second semester at college majoring in Biochemistry and taking 19 credit hours while trying to balance a part time job. I am constantly busy and don't have time for food. To make things worse, I'm on some new meds that kill my appetite.

Since recovery, my weight has been seemingly stuck at one spot. But lately, well...
Freshman 15? Yeah, in a negative direction.

I keep trying to remind myself about all the bad things that accompanied being that unhealthy...gross textured hair, constant hair loss, always feeling dizzy and weak, different skin texture, bad breath...the list goes on.

But still I wonder, as the scale continues going down...how much is too much? I'm not actually relapsing, right? I'm still in the healthy range.

But....would it really be so bad?......

[kaliope]

i would think any weight loss, whether you are trying for it or not, is going to be unhealthy as it may trigger the idea for more weight loss. keep up with that positive thinking of the negatives of being underweight. my sister died from this last year. i hate to see that happen to you.

[waggiedog]

Dear Stronger. Please PLEASE DON'T get caught out by thinking you can handle this because this is exactly what we as anorexics do ~~ fool ourselves we can handle any situation involving food, whether restricting, starving or binging. It's exactly like being an alcoholic or a drug user, we ARE addicted for life and merely in recovery every hour of the day, we just choose to abstain for that day/hour/week or minute. I fully identify with the terrible health probs, I'm still in the grip and I'm relatively old [56] so after 33 years suffering all of the ED's my body is that of a 70 year old. Teeth are breaking and I can actually pull them out myself!! Lots of fillings are falling out, my hair is so thin I need to wear hair pieces and my nails are broken to the quick, oh and not forgetting the bowel probs and oestoprosis [brittle bone disease]. I know our weight can be in a ''safe zone'', but we're always secreatly pleased when we see the llbs fall off.

DARLING, YOU MUST BE VERY VERY CAREFUL.

[Stronger]

Originally Posted by kaliope

i would think any weight loss, whether you are trying for it or not, is going to be unhealthy as it may trigger the idea for more weight loss. keep up with that positive thinking of the negatives of being underweight. my sister died from this last year. i hate to see that happen to you.

I am SO sorry to hear this, my friend.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you
Thank you for your kind words.

[pinkflower17]

Originally Posted by Stronger

I recovered (physically) from binge/purge anorexia about 4 years ago. But my thoughts about food have still never really been...what they should be.

This is my second semester at college majoring in Biochemistry and taking 19 credit hours while trying to balance a part time job. I am constantly busy and don't have time for food. To make things worse, I'm on some new meds that kill my appetite.

Since recovery, my weight has been seemingly stuck at one spot. But lately, well...
Freshman 15? Yeah, in a negative direction.

I keep trying to remind myself about all the bad things that accompanied being that unhealthy...gross textured hair, constant hair loss, always feeling dizzy and weak, different skin texture, bad breath...the list goes on.

But still I wonder, as the scale continues going down...how much is too much? I'm not actually relapsing, right? I'm still in the healthy range.

But....would it really be so bad?......

Only you can decide if living is this eating disorder hell is worth it. Personally, I'm beating myself up for letting myself end up here again. They say you always end up at the same place you left off of before recovery, if not worse. I'm definitely finding that to be true. For me, any weight loss is a bad idea. I just can't keep it manageable and I tend to let it snowball until it takes on a life of its own. Just because you're in the healthy range now doesn't mean you will be for long. Don't let yourself go there. You sound like you have a strong future ahead of you. Don't let it go by the wayside, or be ruined because of weight. Get ahead of this while you still can.