[breakmystride]

So I am (and have been for a long time) at a point where I'm weight restored and at a much heavier weight than I would like, but I'm not truly completely recovered. I still use disordered behaviors a lot, and not at all happy with my body size or shape.

I can't get to the gym most days, usually just on the weekends. But every time I go to the gym, I'll spend hours on the elliptical until my legs are throbbing. I know I can't say numbers, but I have a target number of calories to burn, and I feel like it doesn't count unless I hit that number before I leave.

Last week I was able to spend more time at the gym than usual. I went four times in five days, and spent at least two hours there each time. When I got home yesterday, I was so tired I feel asleep in the car in my driveway. Now today, I worked a long day and so I can't go and I'm suddenly feeling panicked that I NEED to get moving or else my muscles will waste away to nothing and my stomach will just swell up massively big, and I'll wake up tomorrow with a totally different, messed up, body.

Does this sound like an issue?

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi breakmystride

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

I appreciate that you have done this.

I can offer my personal opinion here only.

You have asked:

"Does this sound like an issue?"

Personally, based on what you have written, my response would be, yes, this is an issue.

What measure do I use to calculate if something is an "issue" or not?

I ask myself -

Is this behaviour / thought / action interfering with our overall wellbeing.

I do believe yours is.

You are consumed by the thought of moving / exercising as you believe that you are a heavier weight than you would like to be.

The sad reality of life is this:

We can not change what we do not acknowledge.

What is the yard stick against which you measure yourself?

You seem to use numbers?

I can't use numbers when measuring my self worth.

My things like:

Values, Honesty, Integrity that I have -

Are simply unquantifiable by these numbers that you use.

You have unquantifiable greatness that you can not see just yet.

And until such time as you begin to define yourself by your true worth, you will be the hamster on the wheel that continues to run forward in this wheel in a desperate attempt to keep exercising and hence keep the wheel churnig forward at a rapid pace.

You can jump off this wheel any time you like though.

But you will only be able to jump off this wheel when you acknowledge what needs to be changed.

We simply can not change what we do not acknowledge.

[MoxieDoxie]

Sorry you feel you have to workout for hours. I used to be like that. Thinking the longer I worked out the more calories I burned. Now I workout for no more than 20 mins a day and I am in the best shape of my life. I only worked out for 10 minutes and 56 seconds today.