[dcs_no1_fan]

I don know were to start I feel so low & c**p lately & I cant talk to anyone about how I feel as I have no friends around me as we moved a long way away from them all & my husband just cant understand why I feel like I do about my self.

Anyone who knows my story knows that I am recovering from anorexia & in 6 months I have put on 2 stone everyone says thas really good but I just feel sooooooooooo fat, I weigh 121 lb now & thats what I should be for my height ect, so why cant I feel good about my self. I have back problems & I am waiting to have an op on my spine so I cant do anything thats really bad all the time at the moment so I can hardly walk most of the time so that does not help with my depression as well.
But I just can get over how I feel I hate my body so much that I eat & then I hate my self for doing so when I dont eat i feel ok but as soon as I have something to ea I feel like I can not stop most of the time im not even hungry I just eat because I can I have got wo cakes in front of me while I am typing this I dont want them as im not hungry but I am trying so hard not to eat them as I know ha I will only feel bad if I do with the pain in my back how I feel about myself & my depression I realy dont want to be around any more I take so many tablets in a day ha someimes I just wish that I could take them all & ge it over & done with but I could not do that to my husband & boys as I know that they need me but thats just how bad it is a the moment

Im sorry I have gone on just needed to get it off my chest
I hope to get ou of this deep hole im in soon but I just cant see a way out any more sorry again

Cat