[21joshduns]

Hello! Im 13 years old, in peoples eyes, im just a teen.but my eyes see a much darker world.i have anxiety and severe trust issues even with family. Around age 10, i was bullied for being too fat. It didnt hit me that I actually was until 6th. I went online to find a fast way to lose weight. I just wanted to make people happy and not be 'the fat girl no one wants to be around'. I found a website that I thought was perfect. Little did i know what pro ana meant. I followed its rules, I excercised and ate nothing on most days. Before i knew it I dropped some weight. I was not satisfied enough. My parents noticed, and called me 'skinny mini'. They thought it was puberty. At school, i was still bullied and teased. I felt worthless, and i still do. It seems like either way i looked, fat or skinny, people still had negative stuff to say. I had the worst self esteem, and i hate myself. Ive tried to commit suicide in 7th when i was at my lowest weight. I failed at suicide, i was too afraid. Sadly, my parents dont know i am like this. I never tell anyone. Im too afraid. Im now in 8th grade. Im not considered anorexic but i am, and i dont know whats wrong with me. I have so much in my mind, i get depressed. I get really happy, i starve myself still, and i see things. My mom wnd dad are always working, so they never see me like this, they only see one half of me. I wish I could tell them all of this, but theyll just think im lying and that im fine. My moms pointed out a few times that she thinks im anorexic, and i just awkwardly laugh, she knows im malnourished. I want her to know, but then again im too afraid. I dont want to end up being in a hospital or going to therapy, i can't trust them. I hope im not the only one to feel this way. I want to be happy, but when i do something happens. Can someone tell me what's wrong with me? Is anorexia making me depressed?

[Skeezyks]

Hello 21joshduns: I see this is your first post here on PC, So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. We here on PC cannot diagnose you. This is a job for a mental health professional. However it certainly sounds as though you're struggling with something akin to an eating disorder, some depression & anxiety. From my perspective. I don't think this is an unusual combination. If you continue to post in the Eating Disorders forum, you will likely receive a lot of support as well as to gain a lot of useful information. I can certainly understand your not wanting to be in a hospital. However, I would like to suggest that you try to keep an open mind with regard to therapy. It could be most helpful for you.

Are you familiar with California therapist Kati Morton? She has a YouTube channel where she uploads videos on various mental health topics. Kati has a special interest in eating disorders. If, by some chance, you're not familiar with her, I highly recommend her YouTube channel to you. Kati is also on Facebook, Twitter, & other social media sites. She's great!

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[21joshduns]

Thank you so much, i just dont want myself to get out if hand. Im gaining weight, but i still dont like it. I hate being over a certain weight. Im glad I found this website so i can at least see that there's other people like me. Im also going to check out kati

[RoseTiger]

You are not alone. I understand you completely. You came to the right place. Everyone on here is super helpful. If you need someone to talk to, I'll be here. <3