[Justbyou]

I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 16. I was almost put into inpatient, but I was already in inpatient for drugs and alcohol. I don’t feel like I’ve had much of a problem with it until recently. (I'm now 37.)

Almost two months ago I was put on a medication the severely decreases my appetite. Instead of making myself eat something I’ll let myself go all day without any food. It’s almost like I enjoy the hunger pains I begin to feel at the end of the day and definitely enjoy the weight that I’ve lost.

My friends have started to notice the weight loss. It’s flattering when they say it looks like I’ve lost weight. That’s what I want to hear, but one has said I need to quit losing it. I can’t get weight numbers out of my head and where I want to be and when I look in the mirror I’m not horrified, but there’s areas I so badly want to change.

I’m 8 months clean from drugs and wondering if I’m just cross addicting with food or lack of it actually. I’m scared to put back on all the weight I’ve lost. It’s like a challenge for me to see how much I can lose.

This is an issue I’ve talked to absolutely no one about. I know I should talk to my therapist though before it gets out of control. Or is it already?

[Skeezyks]

Hello Justbyyou: I think you hit the nail on the head, as the saying goes. I'm certainly no expert with regard to any of this. But what occurs to me is that if a person has a predilection for addiction, there are all sorts of opportunities to "get hooked" on one thing or another. From what you wrote it sounds as though you may well be substituting food for drugs & alcohol. Yes, you really should talk about it with your therapist. Good luck!

[Elio]

Yes, I feel like I can be.. might be.. pushing myself towards an addiction to losing or at least adding that to the mix of my brand of crazy. At the same time I suffer from compulsive and emotional eating.

I'm also a self punisher so.. this all plays into all of my craphola of life. Eating to excess is punishment, starving is punishment. I wish we didn't have to eat to survive.

[eskielover]

I can relate to what you are saying. I always lost weight during stressful times but when younger my stress only amounted to mid-terms & finals or a presentation at work. Those things ALL had an end date to the stress.

Then hit a long term stress that NEVER went away along with stress I hadnt even recognized. Prozac added to the mix created even more lack of appitite & then wanting to die was all that anorexia needed to take over & even though I have absolutely NO addictions, the loss of weight DID become addictive for me.

That was my first dealing with anorexia in my mid 40's.

Second time was 10 years ago in my early 50's. Triggered by a trauma but the loss of weight again became addictive.

What has helped me deal with it now is finally being on my own & knowing my dogs & my farm needs me healthy & not passing out all the time & living alone reinforces my need to take care of me....& Im happy now for the FIRST TIME in my life & that makes a huge difference for me.

[Sarmas]

I would definitely talk to your therapist and seek help. Losing weight feels good to some of us and it can become very addicting. I know in my case there's no number that's too low. I hate numbers and getting on scales because I'm afraid it stays the same or goes up. When I do see it go down then I love it. People can tell me that I look to thin and I'm think they're crazy. I'm on a weight loss journey now And I can't wait. I have a therapist as well but I'm not telling her what I'm doing because I figure that I know when I lost weight when she brings up the subject to me and asks me how my eating is doing. I get how you feel but the proper thing for any person in our case to do is to seek help.

[aloneinmusic]

I don't think it matters if it's out of control or not yet- we both know that the longer it's left, the worse it gets, so I think it would be good to get support as soon as you can.

Being a prisoner in my own mind to this hell, and this empty addiction of weight loss, I would honestly do anything to help anyone see how destructive and dangerous this road is.

[GirlwithBrokenWings]

I understand exactly what you mean. For me I decided to quit cutting so my eating disorder is a lot worse and active. I think you are substituting one behavior for another. I also think the pills have a big part in it to. I take adderral and that is what started me on my restricting because I just wasn't hungry. Then I loved the feeling it gave me so kept it up. I think maybe you should talk to your doctor about the pills decreasing your appetite and because of that you are going back into your restrictive mode and everything that comes with it. I think it would benefit you to talk to them so you can nip this in the bud before it gets too far and you are in the hospital because of restricting.