The "healthy" bulimic

I am new to this and would appreciate any input. I have been bulimic for over a year now. I take a multivitamin everyday, eat fruits and vegetables, yogurt, drink lots of fluids (including Propel which contains electrolytes) but tend to purge after dinner. I keep everything else down during the day. I exercise for 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. a day. Half cardio and half weight training. I have been progressively getting worse with counting calories (not just fat intake). I am obsessed with my food intake and check menus online before I go out to eat to see what is the lowest calorie/fat meal as well as calorie counting during the day (with fruits and veggies). I noticed my face is swollen (maybe due to all of the water I drink?) and I also have swollen glands under my chin. I had an okay day today - eating fruits & veggies but also eating some jellybeans (full of sugar but no fat) and eating too much for dinner (chinese - broccoli, a bit of chicken and white rice - to the point where I felt too full - but did not vomit). I am trying to work through this on my own. I had met with a psychotherapist for this and another issue (my divorce & my father passing) but he did not help. He did not really address this issue other than to tell me I should eat more during the day. Every session was the same as the last. I don't feel he took me very seriously. He told me I didn't look as bad as he thought I would because I had muscle tone. I am 5'4 and weigh anywhere between 103 and 105. Do I really have a problem?

I don't think you can really be a 'healthy' bulimic. I'm not bulimic but I have read about it. Your swollen glands and swollen face are from the vomiting (don't know why it causes it though). Although you are eating and drinking healthily I still think your daily vomiting is going to upset your body's chemistry over time. I also hope you take good care of your teeth - the acid erodes the enamel. Don't brush after throwing up though, it just scrapes off more weakened enamel. The problem with eating disorders is that it all starts off innocently and you think you'll be ok and will be able to manage it (like now, you're eating healthily) but it might not also be like that. I know somebody on this board who has vomited so regularly over the past years that now she has no control over whether or not she purges after eating, her body does it for her. Since you've been able to see a psychotherapist about it, perhaps you could go and visit another one and see what they say. It sounds like he didn't know much about eating disorders since he told you to eat more during the day - did he think you purged through over-eating at night or something?

Oh and welcome to the site, I just noticed you're new

When you post... you get people's opinions... and sometimes they are hard to hear..I mean this with kindness.

yes, In my opinion you have a real problem going on here...
The swollen face and glands were classic for me... and my friends could tell... when binge/purge cycle..

and it is hard to work thru this on your own.. there is usually an underlying issue that is behind this...maybe the divorce/dad passing (I am sorry for both.)

The preoccupation with calories.. the 1.5 hour of workout.. your weight... that all sounds so familiar to me...

Sometimes T do not dwell on what you are doing with food right away.. because they are getting to know you and trying to figure out what is going on in your life that may be contributing to why you are doing this...

When screening for a T.. I asked.. have you worked with people that have an ED?? and I also went weekly to a nutritionist who specialized in working with people with an ED... she worked with me.. to cut down the exercising.. to keep a food diary.. complete with how I felt each and everytime I ate... why I ate that food..

bulimia hurts parts of the bdy inside that you can not see. unless you regularly examine your stomach lining and heart, and enamel on your teeth, its hard to say it could be healthy at all.

You sound a lot like I do. I eat very healthy and I exercise. I seem to do the right things to be "healthy". But there's that one little catch, bulimia isn't healthy anyway you say it.

But it's never really about the food in the end. I know for me it's a way to cope with how I feel inside.

A good therapist can help you. Just have to no that they are not going to just talk about the bulimia. But they are going to talk about everything else going on in your life. You have to shop around for the right therapist for you when your ready for recovery.

I hate to tell you theres no such thing as a healthy bulimic. I've been bulimic for about four years its serious. There is no other way to put this you need help. i don't mean that in a mean way.its not easy to stop it. it could get worse to you could start making your self after lunch than every meal its hard to stop i've been trying for years but i cant but you can start now.

lastresort

babe, like others have said, there is no such thing as being healthy when you have an ED- and I mean anywhere along that continuum b/c people often debate frequency of sx's and the like, but it does not matter. Purging or binging once is not healthy. I do think you sound a lot like me at various times in the past and I just got used to... I reasoned with myself that I was going to school and working and eating after all, so no big problem-right? wrong. I wish I could take it back. I wish I would have never started b/c I have paid for it, and I am contuing to pay for it, and I cannot find the way out. I am not saying all these things will happen to you, but they can happen... I finally went to a dentist and I had to spend lots of $$$ and still have more damage than others, I have spent lots of $$$ on T which may have been less so if I would have tackled this sooner, my GP recently told my my iron level is severly below normal after I was so tired every day I could barely function, so now I am on iron and calcium supplements. It has interfered with my immune system, my energy level, my skin, and did I mention I need to geat my heart checked regularly??

And I WAS that healthy bulimic. I did eat. I had a life. I had friends. I went out for dinner. I even like cooking and baking. I love fruits and vegetables and nuts and lots of other healthy foods. Those are good things but my point is they do not make up for what an ED does to our bodies. And a lot of it is not ST- but in the long term, I fear t will catch up...

Now to you- your face is swollen (most likely direct effect from ED behaviours), you can't go out unless you check out the menu first, you are counting calories, you exercise a lot, you purge after dinner. If someone else would tell you those things would you think they are healthy hun??? I am not trying to be mean, I am just trying to share with you that I used think like this- and still do to some extend- but it is not true.

There are so many T's out there... please try to find another one. You deserve that help. I hope you do. Please let us know how it goes.

Your body will not lie to you - the fact that your glands are swelling means you are doing something harmful. The fact that you interact with food so differently than the people around you should also be an indicator. I'm not trying to be mean, in fact I think you are very brave to question and realize you could have a problem... Sounds like your therapist sucks. However, you seem strong enough to take the necessary steps to get help.

my opinion... you need to go therapist shopping. this thing is bigger than you are and as im sure you know can take you over quickly. dont let it. yes you have a problem. i think you should keep looking for a therapist (preferably one that specializes in ed's) and keep on looking till you find one you like. next i would see a nutritionist (again, someone who specializes in ed's) and just take it from there. be strong and seek help. good luck to you.

It's never healthy. Your body is suffering where you can't see the wounds. There are good people out there (therapists) that have the ability and compassion to deal with this behavior.
It's always easier to tell that to someone as opposed to taking your own advice. I'm "healthy" too and only purge after dinner but the only reason it's only after dinner is because I'm in Iraq. I was home for two weeks just recently for leave and I purged much more than just dinner. I need help, I know this but the one thing I used to maintain control over everything in life from a painful past to just trying to get control over life well, I can assure you, you need help. If there is anything I can do for you, please e-mail me kellieanna@gmail.com. There are many webistes out there on eating disorders but I would encourage you to stay away from those because sometimes it just encourages the behavior even more. Take care.

~Sailaway