[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I made myself eat dinner today. I really didn't want to. I mean, I wanted to but I was afraid to because I'm scared I won't lose weight or will gain but I made myself. I realize that restricting as much as I have usually always ends up with an out of control binge at some point so I might as well just eat some to keep that from happening

Good for you! I've been trying to eat 3 meals a day now. You are absolutely correct about how binging starts. When I go without the things I need to eat it can and sometimes does lead to a binge. I believe our systems know what they need and I'm trying to follow that. I know I need protein, veggies, fruit, dairy and grains. I am eating less of some of these now due to dietary restrictions put on me from Diabetes but it's worth following for good physical and mental health.

[mwaxy]

Good on you Blue Bird. Great thinking, this thinking leads to positive progress, I need to practice this far more often

[LucyD]

How is everyone doing now?

I have had a great day and feeling good and happy. So grateful for this and something to remember when I have the bad days.

[Blue_Bird]

I had a pretty good day in terms of my eating disorder. I realize I have to eat. I feel upset somewhat though when I think I'm not good enough if I'm not a certain size. I feel like eating is giving up some of that "control"

I drank way too much coffee today and have been struggling with voices so I'm trying to relax. I need to cut back on the caffeine seriously. I've already felt strange and disconnected today and that's not helping. I did drink water though, more than usual so that's good.

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by LucyD

How is everyone doing now?

I have had a great day and feeling good and happy. So grateful for this and something to remember when I have the bad days.

Glad you had a good day and are feeling happy

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I had a pretty good day in terms of my eating disorder. I realize I have to eat. I feel upset somewhat though when I think I'm not good enough if I'm not a certain size. I feel like eating is giving up some of that "control"

I drank way too much coffee today and have been struggling with voices so I'm trying to relax. I need to cut back on the caffeine seriously. I've already felt strange and disconnected today and that's not helping. I did drink water though, more than usual so that's good.

I haven't been the size I want in many years. I'm trying to remember that my size isn't all that there is to me, there is much more. Also that it's okay to be my size. Yes, caffeine can make our symptoms act up. I have to cut back a bit on coffee myself because my ocd and ptsd symptoms get worse. Coffee, though, is pretty good for our systems except for the anxiety component. Great on drinking more water. I am having water with lemon in it. I love it that way and it is detoxing.

[Blueberrybook]

I'm here. Having issues getting meds filled with stupid temporary insurance. Had part of a back molar break off, and I won't have dental insurance until Feb. or March. It doesn't hurt at least and it wasn't a lot that broke off, though I am sure I will be shelling out money for another crown. Even with insurance, dental work is so expensive.

Today we are having a surprise birthday party for my mom, who turns 60 Jan. 23. My birthday is tomorrow, Jan. 20 (turning 41, ugh, I'm old!), when I will run out of Adderall, so happy withdrawals to me. Exercising too much and not eating enough for it, but my weight is pretty stable though I am more compact, muscles from running I guess instead of fat. I see the pdoc Jan. 24. He will not be happy I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose either (sometimes I go up, sometimes down). He has a stupid scale though that weighs 5 lb. less than other scales (mine, my PCP's, the dermatologist). Maybe he sets it that way on purpose for ED patients to make up for waterloading, who knows?

I need to drink some fluids to re-hydrate after running this morning. A cold front came in, and certain directions had me running against an awfully strong wind. I did eat breakfast though, raisin cinnamon bagels with margarine.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I'm here. Having issues getting meds filled with stupid temporary insurance. Had part of a back molar break off, and I won't have dental insurance until Feb. or March. It doesn't hurt at least and it wasn't a lot that broke off, though I am sure I will be shelling out money for another crown. Even with insurance, dental work is so expensive.

Today we are having a surprise birthday party for my mom, who turns 60 Jan. 23. My birthday is tomorrow, Jan. 20 (turning 41, ugh, I'm old!), when I will run out of Adderall, so happy withdrawals to me. Exercising too much and not eating enough for it, but my weight is pretty stable though I am more compact, muscles from running I guess instead of fat. I see the pdoc Jan. 24. He will not be happy I didn't gain weight, but I didn't lose either (sometimes I go up, sometimes down). He has a stupid scale though that weighs 5 lb. less than other scales (mine, my PCP's, the dermatologist). Maybe he sets it that way on purpose for ED patients to make up for waterloading, who knows?

I need to drink some fluids to re-hydrate after running this morning. A cold front came in, and certain directions had me running against an awfully strong wind. I did eat breakfast though, raisin cinnamon bagels with margarine.

Good seeing you here. Missed you! I hope you'll be able to get your insurance. When I am running out of meds and won't be seeing the doctor soon enough I cut them in half so I have something at least. Do you know why you run so much? Could you possibly be avoiding some kind of feelings? I don't know but find when I do certain compulsions I'm avoiding some feelings; trying to push them away. I, too, have a back molar that broke off and it doesn't hurt either. Been avoiding seeing the dentist because of a bad experience I had at one. Who likes dentists anyways..not me at least. I hope things get better for you.

[may24]

Today was a good day! I went to the gym and it made me feel happy and more connected with myself.
I'm so glad that I'm able to enjoy exercising again; and not keeping track of the calories I burn or worrying about how much I should eat after a workout... Exercise used to be a huge part of my life and my eating disorder took that away from me for many years. I'm feeling grateful for recovery
I hope everyone is doing well

[gottastopdepression]

Well, this is my first visit to this forum...ever...anywhere. I have identified depression and anxiety...but, in reality, this area has plagued me my entire life.

I have learned (recently) that alcohol consumption triggers an intense craving for carbs...breads and candies. I mean loads.

Then, well, I need to throw up...

then, well...

I am exhausted and depressed...

then, well, husband can't see that any of these conditions/diagnoses/behaviors are r-e-a-l.

then, well...

I'll eat/drink/purge...

anybody relate?

[Gr3tta_0]

Hi all 😊
A note on teeth/dentistry - if they in the back (not visible to others) and likely to have multiple and/or cascading problems, I've found it can be far less expensive and less painful to extract them. I will go over the moon to save front teeth, although i haven't had to, but I've had a few in the back pulled and no one knows but me. No one can see it, even with optional anesthesia i HAVE to have it was cheaper overall, and i can still chew anything i want totally normally. Lots of dentists won't offer this if there's another (more expensive) option, so it's always worth asking.
I never have a purge free day, but i have had less purge days.
As can sometimes happen for my particular body, this actually results in more weight loss, but i still count it as a win. Its my goals, not anyone else's.

Possible trigger:

I have found once you disengage from ED treatment, a regular medical doctor will let your weight fall even into a BMI in the single digits before its concerning. So there is no medical reason i can't be as small as i am comfortable with.

[88Butterfly88]

Overate less than usual today, I'll take it. One day at a time.

[Blueberrybook]

It's my birthday today. Took today off from running, had some birthday cake. A little bit of guilt about skipping exercise & sleeping in, but I'll manage. Still having problems getting my Adderall script filled. New temporary insurance isn't even there on the weekend. I'm now completely out. Tomorrow is a holiday too, and my doctor's office will be closed. Frustrating.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by LucyD

Good seeing you here. Missed you! I hope you'll be able to get your insurance. When I am running out of meds and won't be seeing the doctor soon enough I cut them in half so I have something at least. Do you know why you run so much? Could you possibly be avoiding some kind of feelings? I don't know but find when I do certain compulsions I'm avoiding some feelings; trying to push them away. I, too, have a back molar that broke off and it doesn't hurt either. Been avoiding seeing the dentist because of a bad experience I had at one. Who likes dentists anyways..not me at least. I hope things get better for you.

Thanks. I had a horrible dental experience roughly a year ago. A new dentist at the small chain I use didn't realize I needed to swallow while he was doing work to set up for a temporary crown, and I guess he wasn't good with his dental instruments either because I swallowed a dental burr. He didn't report it, but I guess eventually the assistant did or talked about it to someone because then the dental owner called me up and had me going to get x-rays until that burr was out of my body. The GI doc said swallowing that burr likely prompted my ulcer (which was symptomless so I didn't know I had an ulcer) to perforate sooner than it would have (stupid ulcer perforated on Valentine's Day), but it would have perforated soon anyway, and I was lucky the timing worked out that someone was there to call an ambulance and get me to the hospital, or I would have died. So maybe a bad experience giving good timing to a horrible experience? IDK, now I get VIP treatment from the owner dentist of that particular franchise, I guess because I could have sued his pants off. But really, he's a decent guy. He had a dentist leave to start her own business and needed to hire a new dentist and got a lemon. That dentist was fired and I'm sure some sort of mark put on his license record.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0

Hi all 😊
A note on teeth/dentistry - if they in the back (not visible to others) and likely to have multiple and/or cascading problems, I've found it can be far less expensive and less painful to extract them. I will go over the moon to save front teeth, although i haven't had to, but I've had a few in the back pulled and no one knows but me. No one can see it, even with optional anesthesia i HAVE to have it was cheaper overall, and i can still chew anything i want totally normally. Lots of dentists won't offer this if there's another (more expensive) option, so it's always worth asking.
I never have a purge free day, but i have had less purge days.
As can sometimes happen for my particular body, this actually results in more weight loss, but i still count it as a win. Its my goals, not anyone else's.

Possible trigger:

I have found once you disengage from ED treatment, a regular medical doctor will let your weight fall even into a BMI in the single digits before its concerning. So there is no medical reason i can't be as small as i am comfortable with.

Isn't BMI in single digits fatal? Anyway, I'm nowhere near that.

I've had one tooth extracted near the back already because of horrid dental problems. I will see about this cost of a crown on this one, if the dentist thinks it worth saving or not once I have dental insurance.

[LucyD]

Happy Birthday Bbb. Sorry, not posting today.

[88Butterfly88]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

It's my birthday today. Took today off from running, had some birthday cake. A little bit of guilt about skipping exercise & sleeping in, but I'll manage. Still having problems getting my Adderall script filled. New temporary insurance isn't even there on the weekend. I'm now completely out. Tomorrow is a holiday too, and my doctor's office will be closed. Frustrating.

[Gr3tta_0]

Happy Birthday Blueberrybook!

[Blue_Bird]

I hope everyone is doing okay

I have been struggling with negative thoughts lately towards my body so I wrote them down in my journal then wrote down alternative statements that are actually true and not coming from the eating disorder. It's easy to just let it go and believe all the negative thoughts about myself and go along with all the stupid destructive ideas but I have to start fighting back and counteracting them

[Blue_Bird]

Happy birthday Blueberry