[LucyD]

I have a hard time with accepting the way I look--objectively it's not that bad. Maybe I do think it's bad, tho. I have a self esteem workbook I'm going to get out and look at. So, I found a meme that is what I needed today and thought I'd share it.

[downandlonely]

Good quote Lucy

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by downandlonely

Good quote Lucy

Thanks, now for me to believe it!

[Blueberrybook]

I've had a hard time keeping on top of threads. Lots of stuff going on, my mom (who I am sure has BED) having a lot of health problems (gallstones stuck in bile duct, gallbladder surgery, now they've found a spot on her kidney).

I'm still exercising too much, doing somewhat better with eating. This morning, though...ugh. It actually got really cold here (around freezing and the wind chill was lower), and I went running this morning. OMG, my Raynaud's was so, so, so bad. Thank God H could work from home today because he had to help my daughter with most of getting ready for school and driving her there. I was fixing to go to urgent care, the ER, try an emergency appt. with my rheumatologist, and finally, my hands started doing better. Stupid ED, convinced me I had to run even though I know I have Raynaud's and that gloves don't help me much in this type of weather since it's not like I own super heavy winter gloves as there are maybe 5-7 very cold days each winter here, if that.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I've had a hard time keeping on top of threads. Lots of stuff going on, my mom (who I am sure has BED) having a lot of health problems (gallstones stuck in bile duct, gallbladder surgery, now they've found a spot on her kidney).

I'm still exercising too much, doing somewhat better with eating. This morning, though...ugh. It actually got really cold here (around freezing and the wind chill was lower), and I went running this morning. OMG, my Raynaud's was so, so, so bad. Thank God H could work from home today because he had to help my daughter with most of getting ready for school and driving her there. I was fixing to go to urgent care, the ER, try an emergency appt. with my rheumatologist, and finally, my hands started doing better. Stupid ED, convinced me I had to run even though I know I have Raynaud's and that gloves don't help me much in this type of weather since it's not like I own super heavy winter gloves as there are maybe 5-7 very cold days each winter here, if that.

What is Raynaud's? I should look it up but am going offline in a second. So sorry about your mom and your's health acting up a lot. I hope you can find some relief. I got this huge icepack I ordered from Amazon yesterday for my back and shoulder pain and it really helped a lot to use it last night. I was having a hard time sitting at my desktop pc. We are having some harsh weather too, it just snowed and looked so pretty. But I'm not going out there! Too cold for me. Do you ever talk back to your ED thinking? I do that sometimes. Sometimes it helps and sometimes not for me. I know it tells us some stupid things; at least mine tells me a lot of crap.

[Blueberrybook]

Raynaud syndrome - Wikipedia

They don't know the cause in a lot of cases, not mine anything. But it can hurt awfully. It's a vasodilation thing that happens in the extremities, usually the fingers, brought on by cold and/or stress. Kind of hard to explain which is why I included the link above.

Some medications can trigger it. I thought maybe the Adderall, but then, I was off it for nearly a week (problems with insurance paying for it), and I still didn't have it this morning, so no, I don't think it's the Adderall. Could be something linked to a rheumatic issue as I do have fibromyalgia, and an aunt with lupus, but really, they don't know. I've had it since 9th, 10th grade though. It is just a lucky thing I live in a climate that tends not to get very cold, but it will get mildly triggered by cold doctors' offices, things like that. Not as bad as this though.

[Blue_Bird]

Oddly enough I haven't been struggling with my eating disorder. It seems the less I try to "fix" it , the better things go. I was delusional and stuff for a couple weeks so when that was going on I guess I was too out of it to even stress about my weight or calories , etc. I've been stable for a few days now and so far things seem okay, I've been eating normal and not obsessing at all. Crazy, I've struggled with bulimia intensely for almost 7 years and had constantly been trying my best to overcome it and not being able to. Now it's like it just disappeared somehow , maybe I just had to stop fighting myself. very odd but I'm happy about it

Hope everyone is doing okay

[LucyD]

BBB, I will take a look at the link later. Going to have some tea soon. I'll probably be up late as I slept late today and then took a nap this afternoon. Means I probably wouldn't fall asleep if I went to bed now. So, I'll be looking at the link later tonight.

BB, glad you are doing okay now. I am the same way, the less I try to fix the ED the better it seems. I get very anxious when thinking about my ED a lot.

I have the scale back in the kitchen. Weighed myself Sat. and hope to again on this coming Sat. Doctor suggested weighing once a week and will try to do that now. We will see how that goes.

I hope everyone sleeps well.

[LucyD]

I thought this was so pretty had to post it...

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Raynaud syndrome - Wikipedia

They don't know the cause in a lot of cases, not mine anything. But it can hurt awfully. It's a vasodilation thing that happens in the extremities, usually the fingers, brought on by cold and/or stress. Kind of hard to explain which is why I included the link above.

Some medications can trigger it. I thought maybe the Adderall, but then, I was off it for nearly a week (problems with insurance paying for it), and I still didn't have it this morning, so no, I don't think it's the Adderall. Could be something linked to a rheumatic issue as I do have fibromyalgia, and an aunt with lupus, but really, they don't know. I've had it since 9th, 10th grade though. It is just a lucky thing I live in a climate that tends not to get very cold, but it will get mildly triggered by cold doctors' offices, things like that. Not as bad as this though.

Just looked at the link. Sounds painful! Do you take anything when you have a flare up? I see there are some things you can take. I'm glad it's not real cold there a lot!

[Albatross2008]

Weight loss still going nowhere, but my blood glucose readings have been absolutely amazing.

Today I noticed feeling mildly sore, and for a moment wondered about it, then I remembered I was at the gym this morning. It was my second day this week. I'm trying for three. Normally I warm up with hand-held weights, and then jog in place in the pool. I can do that in water; can't do it on land. Today I added a little bit of extra work on the weight machines. Couldn't do blue diddly on the ab crunch machine, though. Not even at a light weight resistance. My abs said "nope." Going to have to build up to that, I suppose.

[Blueberrybook]

Ran again today. So tired. Wish I could take a break. My weight is stable though I need to gain (logically, I know this). I overdo it too much and do risky things like go running in the dark at 3:30 AM. I did that today. I woke at 2:30 AM because right now, I've got 3 temporary crowns on the left side of my mouth, and I have been waking between midnight and 3 AM with an aching jaw (get 2 permanent crowns put in tomorrow). Tylenol helps it (can't take NSAIDs because of having had a perforated ulcer). I could not go back to sleep this AM, so I ran and ran. Maybe the night running is part of the bipolar. I tend to have a baseline of craziness mixed. Sometimes, I'm even manic & depressed at the same time. Just insane.

Saw pdoc; he thinks I should be in therapy yesterday. Gave the therapist a call earlier this week, but there are some insurance issues; I'll call her again tomorrow.

Saw the eye doctor too. Eyes got worse. I've got like -10 vision in contacts in each eye, and now I have to have correction for close up as well (getting very hard to read OTC medication bottles, even books). Veritable fortune for 1 yr. of contact lenses and/or a pair of updated glasses. Really, I need both, but I wear the contacts the most. Though one time I scratched my cornea and had to go 3 weeks wearing glasses while it healed.

Thinking today how much bipolar sucks. EDs too. Also panic disorder. And am not sure if it's bipolar or ADHD, but I'm losing everything all the time now. OMG, I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes.

[Blueberrybook]

Hope everyone is doing OK. Can't stop overexercising. I would have exercised even more than I did today (already a lot) if I didn't have a dental appt. to get 2 permanent crowns cemented, one of which is super sensitive. Dentist thinks I'll be fine; the nerve has to heal; otherwise, it's a root canal.

Going back to therapy again. Have an appt. Sat. morning on March 16. The therapist I see does not specialize in EDs. She does CBT though, which seems to help me. Not to mention, I'm having issues with the bipolar and the panic and either ADHD or bipolar disorganization/losing important things. And I still have tons of crappy life experiences I need to work through.

[LucyD]

Hi. Just a real crap day for me today so far--in terms of how I feel anyways. Everything is going okay though.

Wishing everyone a good weekend even though I don't seem to be having one. I don't know what's up with me today.

The Physical Therapist was annoying yesterday. Whenever I try to say anything to her she interrupts. Never lets me finish what I'm saying. Don't like her! Next week I'll see a different one. There are several of them there. You don't always get the same one and I'm glad for that. The good thing is that I have improved a lot with the PT. Started working on my knee and hip now.

I went on youtube and looked for stomach exercises to try and slim my big stomach down. Found some that look doable. In the long run I hope to get in much better shape physically. On the outside view at least.

[LucyD]

Start of a new week. What are you all doing this week? I have to take the dog to the Vet soon. She has **** glands problems. Having to go often with her lately. Don't know why.

[Albatross2008]

I went to the gym and discovered that my ab muscles are so weak I can't even use the crunch machine. I have to strengthen them before I even get to that point. So I bought myself an exercise ball to use as a computer seat. It's a challenge to sit on, but I'm not sure yet what it's going to do for my abs.

[LucyD]

Just feeling lousy today. This liver won't get any better but only worse. But who cares anyhow.

[LucyD]

Was in a crappy mood when I posted earlier. Having a hard time dealing with my liver diagnosis. I have been for quite awhile. Can't stop thinking about it. Maybe I'll binge watch a series to get my mind off of it.

[LucyD]

Slept very well last night..think I needed it. We are going to have a warmer day today and then tomorrow, too. Should be nice..getting tired of Winter. Had oatmeal for breakfast. I always have a hard time getting myself to eat that even though it is so good for my conditions.

I hope you all have a good day.

on sunday I ate some out of date chicken so ended up with a really bad stomach ache (and other side affects too) for days

well, I say days, I think it was about wednesday afternoon when I started feeling better

and of course I can't sleep, so recovery was extra slow, because I didn't have the rest

that aside, honestly no idea what i'm doing or where i'm going in life, complete standstill