[Mountaindewed]

I have a migraine right now that my mom says is from not eating enough today. Maybe I'll just see if I have a low cal protein bar, because I'm too lazy to fix anything.

Ever since I had the stomach flu my safe foods aren't even safe. I feel grossed out by ketchup chips and pizza now.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I ended up just grazing on some junk food for dinner. That was early this afternoon and I haven't eaten since. I have the heebie jeebies because I need to eat and I need to eat something with nutrition.

Whenever my sister doesn’t eat anything she gets bad migraines.

[Mountaindewed]

I'm not sure if I restricted today. I have legit medical food restrictions and I should be on a bland diet. But I did drink a lot of hot tea and I was also kinda low calorie wise. I don't really seem to have much of a taste in food these days. Or stuff makes me sick and anxious. My chili cheese fries were ok. Everything else I ate was pretty bland but my anxiety and stomach were under control all day.

My brother in law has really bad celiacs disease. He will get violently sick just from crumbs of gluten. I get how he feels when food makes you feel crappy.

[emily1890]

been eating barely anything because since tuesday I've had an upset stomach and found it hard to really eat much of anything

been trying to eat my meals each night, but not doing well at it- and yesterday even though I felt a little bit better I still couldn't eat my chicken

will see how tonight goes. I managed a night without throwing up so that's good..

[emily1890]

didn't eat much yesterday. I was very upset and triggered because lots of food got wasted and I hate wasting food.

today I started the day by eating a few slices of marmite on toast. it was okay, but made me gag a little. not sure what I will eat for the rest of the day et. (if anything)

[MuddyBoots]

I still have containers of vomit in my room. Kinda gross considering I haven't purged at home in months.

[Mountaindewed]

I did ok today. I ate a lot of protein bars but I made my goal. I guess drinking plain hot green tea right now to avoid being hungry is not exactly a good thing to do. I think meatball subs need to be out just because they gave me some annoying heartburn and got my GERD worked up.

[emily1890]

Originally Posted by MuddyBoots

I still have containers of vomit in my room. Kinda gross considering I haven't purged at home in months.

well it could be worse

at least it's the mouth end

I had to

[emily1890]

had chicken for dinner and gave me a really bad stomach ache

still I had 3 little bags of candy after and a chocolate bar

yep overdoing it

[Mountaindewed]

I'm really thirsty right now and I'm drinking out of a gallon of water. So I haven't been hungry for dinner. I ate ok today. A lot of weight loss bars again but I did have some other stuff.

I turned down pumpkin pancakes from Dennys. I just wasn't in the mood.

[MuddyBoots]

Today marks 30 days binge/purge free, which is the longest I've gone since August 2021!
Gonna celebrate by eating a cake in 5 minutes (joke)

[Mountaindewed]

I'm hungry but I keep procrastinating on eating dinner because I'm not sure what to have. I for sure can't have coffee anymore after getting stomach pains shortly after drinking it and bad enough heartburn this afternoon to throw up a bit.

I never did eat dinner because I'm having issues I'm trying to deal with which includes chugging water. I did open a can of tomatoes and a can of corn for later though if I feel like it.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I did ok today. I ate a lot of protein bars but I made my goal. I guess drinking plain hot green tea right now to avoid being hungry is not exactly a good thing to do. I think meatball subs need to be out just because they gave me some annoying heartburn and got my GERD worked up.

Awesome

[emily1890]

currently eating through a huge tin of christmas chocolate.

in october

I have also had 2 takeaway meals this week, both of them chicken nuggets and fries. such a varied diet

[MuddyBoots]

Feeling like I'm losing my identity as I'm recovering. Makes me want to relapse.

[Mountaindewed]

My mom said I looked skinny today. I've been workIng on things. I'm in between husky and a twink. Closer to a twink though.

[MuddyBoots]

Lately I've been talking to the not-my-regular ACT team members and one of them wants to send me to a residential for EDs. Although one of my IP pdocs said she did NOT want me going to an eating disorder program because it's a control issue and what exactly they do is take away control, so I'm going to try and convince them I don't need it.

I spent last night b/p'ing a trash bag of leftover donuts/bagels/muffins I got after closing from Dunk's. Kinda been doing that when not locked up at night at a crisis center or shelter.

[MuddyBoots]

Possible trigger:

I literally cannot stop body checking, and because body dysmorphia and **** self-esteem it's really fking upsetting. I was looking at myself earlier and I felt 99% fatass but from one angle way too fking skinny. I haven't b/p'd in a couple days but I've been majorly restricting so it wouldn't surprise me if I had a major binge some time soon. I can only think of a certain saying my father used to say to me growing up that probably didn't help that's against the rules to say here. I take up way too much fking space, and I am a burden, and I should get myself kicked out again so I don't waste so much space, money, food, toothpaste, shampoo (maybe I should shave my freakin head), electricity/heat, whatever.

Okay, I'm good now.

[MuddyBoots]

lmao look what a hospital I was at when I was at my dad's emailed me:
Screenshot 2023-10-26 185227.jpg

[Mountaindewed]

I ate/drank most of my calories before 6AM. Then it was only a can of unsalted green beans and 4 squares of dark chocolate after that. My pdoc insisted on raising one of my meds that causes loss of appetite. I told him I was ok, but he said I wasn't.

But whatever. I have a bag of pizza Goldfish crackers and a box of Lucky charms which I eat when I get this way.