[itsjustme111]

Well, I did damage to myself. I have to go in everyday now. He wants to weigh me, check blood pressure, heart rate etc. I had to get a new antibiotic. Broncihitis and pnemonia. (sorry my spelling is sucky). We talked about the blood; he said I am causing ruptures when I purge. He said when I purge; doesnt matter how long or how many times; I am at risk to die. I could cause a rupture in my esophagus. My throat is looking gross; I said yes I know, its very painful. My voice is not the greatest. Well I guess I should go smack myself in the head for being such an idiot. But like I said to my doc; I have lost control and dont know what to do.

justy

[inkblot]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{itsjustme}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} It's hard to change so quickly. Don't be too harsh on yourself. Do go in and do what the doc says. Sounds like he cares about you. Me too! {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{itsjustme}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[apislily]

itsjustme111--

I hope you're feeling better soon. Bronchitis/pneumonia sucks. Do you have any more resources to try? Take good care of yourself--you're worth it! Good luck.

-apislily

[itsjustme111]

Hello. Thanks for the replies. Actually I was thinking of going to this eating disorder group here. I was reluctant but I need to figure this disorder out so I can get better. I am risking my life; everyday. What if my kids found me laying there on the floor? I dont know how to stop this but I have to try the resources that are here or I will never get better; cause I am scared to "death".

justy

[mj14]

justy, I'm glad you went in to see the doc. Give yourself a bug pat on the back for that one...that's a real scary thing to do, but you knew you needed to, so you conquered that fear. Good for you!!!

And you are not an idiot...you have an illness. You've taken a huge step in realizing that it can be a fatal illness, and you're taking steps toward recovery. Those are not the actions of an idiot. I think the ED support group is a great idea. Hopefully, you will meet people there who are in recovery and can help guide you toward your own recovery.

And just in case I haven't quite driven the point home yet, I think you deserve a lot of credit for turning things in the right direction. Good for you!!!

*hugs*
Jo

<font color=green> If she spins fast enough then maybe the broken pieces of her heart will stay together, but even a gyroscope can't spin forever</font color=green>

[Leslie]

((((((((((((((((((((JUSTY))))))))))))))))))))

I am really glad you are going to see a doctor everyday. This is a serious illness. I am also glad you are thinking of going to a place where they deal with eating disorders often and are experienced in this disease. You are so precious to us here. Seeing you getting better , would be so wonderful. Even if it meant progressing in very small steps. Don't be too hard on yourself recovering doesn't happen over night.

I see you as a smart and strong lady that loves here kids dearly.

((((((((((((((((((((((WE Care About You))))))))))))))))))

Love, Leslie