this is just a long rambling... owie thread.... sorry...

read if in a good spot I guess.. or not.. it is "JustMe".. an alter...









well... not sure what to say... am crying... do this so very seldom...

I try so hard to kick this.... and...I am exhausted..... same old.. same old story..

you know... if you been listening to me...I have been "stuck" here at this spot for a very long time...

am looking for a mircle at this point... because I am fresh out of ideas...

too exhausted to think... sick to my tummy from eating chicken last night.. asthma/GERD flared.. to no end.. today...acid up/mucus down...

and... there seems no way to get the help I need... for those of you that have families and friends out there.. that actually care - be thankful... tell them - thank you for caring enough to want to help - hug them for me...and if they "nose" into your "business" - say thank you.. thank you for loving me enough to care...

I don't have anyone one that cares... yes I have close friends.. I have a son... and yes... once more.. I have asked for help... but.. ED's.. just aren't recognized.. where I live... do they really love me... yes...

But.... do they realize... that they might not "have" me... too much longer... who knows???? methinks they do... so... that really helps me to put a value.. on am I loved...you know...or perhaps "says" something about.. the society of the area I live....

So... what can I do??????????????

how do I get food in the house.. and figure out what I can eat... without making all my different medical conditions worse... plus what my body will digest????

I have to figure out all this... while my head is in a paper bag.. with blinders on....plus.. the pain from the fibrom... which.. right now is flared..shopping.. is an event right now.....

Sooooooooooooo... what to do?????

trying foods... like protein shakes.. that make me violently ill.. trying.. probitics.. which flare my asthma... vitaimins.. that burn a hole in my tummy...

that and manage my DID... PTSD... and anxiety... what a "hoot"...

ahh,, the nightmares at night....

well if I was a millionare... I would... pay a chef.. to come in and buy groceries.. and cook...

if I had alot of close friends - that actually wanted to help.. I would say... get this.. and that... and please cook it...and drop it off..
then my energy.. could be just.. spent on getting it into me.. and digesting it....enough of a battle right now....

but... my friends.. send me recipies... of food impossible for me to digest.... and Yazza.. I could tell them till I was blue in the face... and... they wouldn't "hear me"....

so.. this isn't a "pity party" for me.. the DIDer... could have my own party with my alters... really... it is just reality... discouragement... and well life as it is.....



much compassion and love... for all in this forum...

[RozG]

((((((Freewill))))))) much love and compassion for you...you know i wish i knew how to help or do something more than just send love.

*hugs*

[lil_bit]

oh free, we are here and we hear you. you are SUCH a strong individual for making it this far and you know what? you're going to keep on making it because I think you have a strength beyond what you can know.

I read this in a book called "House on Mango Street" by Sandra Cisneros:

"Four Skinny Trees"

They are the only ones who understand me. I am the only one who understands them. Four skinny trees with skinny necks and pointy elbows like mine. Four who do not belong here but are here. Four raggedy excuses planted by the city. From our room we can hear them, but Nenny just sleeps and doesn't appreciate these things.

Their strength is secret. They send ferocious roots beneath the ground. They grow up and they grow down and grab the earth between their hairy toes and bite the sky with violent teeth and never quit their anger. This is how they keep.

Let one forget his reason for being, they'd all droop like tulips in a glass, each with their arms around the other. Keep, keep, kepp, trees say when I sleep. They teach.

When I am too sad and too skinny to keep keeping, when I am a tiny thing against so many bricks, then it is I look at trees. When there is nothing left to look at on this street. Four who grew to despise concrete. Four who reach and do not forget to reach. Four whose only reason is to be and be.

take care hun,
lil.

(((((freewill))))))