[SelfHarmLove]

I'm trying to get myself to eat but i can't seem to do it i know this is unhealthy but my mind won't let me get the food and eat it, i need help, i'm going down the wrong road, i don't want to develop an eating disorder, i may very well have already ugh.

welcome....

words...what to say.... myself with an eating disorder... I think.. perhaps the best.. I can do.. is share... this.. and maybe it will help.. instead of saying "eat".. to be healthy....

sooooooo here goes.. I am 52....yet.. struggle..

about 5 years ago... a church assigned a woman to me... not my church... but at my request... a friend's church..
she volunteered her time... and I was her "project"...

I was extremely sick... at the time... just very ill...

so 2 people.... meeting the first time.. very different backgrounds.. she not even a clue.. of what an "eating disorder" meant... what an ED was...

so.. she took time out her life 2 times a month... to pick me up... go to a resturant.. to have breakfast...for an hour...


the point.. of the.. story....

for the first year... I drank coffee.. with cream... and couldn't eat... and we laughed.. and talked... and it was my "fun" for the month...

she never... not once said.. eat... eat... not once... we just laughed..

at some point I started ordering breakfast... and eating a bit... and as the years went by... I ate more... and more...

this week... 5 years later... I ate... 1 1/2 pieces of toast.. and 2 eggs...
I went to take a bite.. of the last 1/2 piece of toast and choughed... it had been enough.... so I quit..

sooooooooooo... taking it slow.. and gentle.. eating can be done...

for me.. from coffee.. to toast and eggs..

I did. it.. took 5 years... but... it can be done...

soo... take courage in hand... and try...

[Kiya]

Free, that's a good realization - eating can't be a chore. when food is a chore, i can't get any down either.

SHL, finding way to have food just be a natural rhythm like breathing. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

[wishfulmuscle]

im slightly jealous... my mind forces me to force food down even when inside im screaming "IM NOT HUNGRY" whether ive eaten that day or not..

[Kiya]

aw that's good tho - your mind is working overtime to take care of you =)

[SelfHarmLove]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
wishfulmuscle said:

im slightly jealous... my mind forces me to force food down even when inside im screaming "IM NOT HUNGRY" whether ive eaten that day or not..

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">oh trust me that's how i am too that's why my mind went the other way and needed to make me not eat, i guess you could say i'm all about extremes i either have to overeat or starve, regular diets don't do it for me, i still haven't been able to eat properly yet i did have a juice from jamba juice yesterday, it's good to start slowly anyway rather then me shove a ton of food down my throat at once. I'm glad i don't have a binging problem though that would make me feel more guilty and i'd probably turn bulimic. I don't think i'll be able to eat today especially since my exercise plan has this as a rest day, if i'm resting i'm not burning calories which means no food intake not even crackers like normal ugh.

[piscesmom]

I too find it very hard to eat on the days that I can not work out. I am trying like crazy to maintain my weight but I keep losing and this eating disorder is out of control. I am trying to eat more so I don't lose anymore but it is hard. Once I am faced with the food, I can't eat it. Except dinner with my family. I don't want them to catch on. You think they would by now but even my husband is clueless.
This is a very progressive and deceptive disorder and I am fightiing it as best I can but I think I am losing.
this is my first post. I am glad I found this website today.

[Alaizabel]

I know how you feel. I've been at my aunts for a week and she keeps pushing food on me and now in my head I'm screaming "GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!!" I hate food. I had a hot pocket for dinner and now I feel horrendous.