[wishfulmuscle]

i've been b/p constantly the past 3 days.
had a soccer game last night, realized in what bad shape i was in.
made me depressed... sent me over board again.
had a fight with my sister this morning, caused a b/p and a SI.
why is this so hard? i want to give up.

Sometimes i wish i was ana rather than mia, because at least then i'd be skinny
i hate myself so much for saying that, thinking this way, and being myself.

[LivinWithED]

You may have thought of this already but you're out of shape because of your eating disorder. You're heart is working overtime so you get tired quicker. I know i have a hard time exercising anymore. I used to love it. I ran X amount of miles everyday and now i have to force myself to run one. Not because i dont want to but because i can't. I get dizzy. Soccer also takes a lot out of you. Its probably one of the most active sports.

I guess wut i'm trying to say is dont be too hard on yourself because you end up putting yourself in a worse place. If you didn't worry about being in shape as much, you wouldn't get so down on yourself and end up doing worse to your body.

[wishfulmuscle]

thanks, i actually hadn't thought of that.. but the truth is, i've got a reputation for being that athletic, in great shape player.. and since the ED has completely taken over, im noticing now that we're back in season that my muscles just arent what they used to be.

i dont want to let my team down, or be the girl that comes back fat and useless.. which is what im feeling

[Kiya]

Hon, you told me your stats are the same as mine... which means you're not fat.

Somewhere in my head I know I'm not fat, too. Even though I think i'm a whale. I see myself and I think "Baluga!"

Point being, we're not fat, and if we can focus on being actually healthy (the real model of health) we'll pull out of this vicious cycle.

Thinking good thoughts toward you!!! Kiya