[Genevieve]

My treatment team has gotten a little bigger now, with nutritional counseling as well as therapy and meds. The NC has been giving me goals for each week, which always seem so easy when I'm sitting in her office -- "Oh, I can do that. It's only a little more than I am doing now anyway." When I get home, though, and actually try to reach those goals, I can't. Partly because it seems like SO MUCH food, partly psychological, but I haven't managed to reach my goals at all this week. (Well, I have if artichokes count as carbohydrate servings, but they're not on the Official List.) And even where I've come close, I don't think I'm really doing it "right".

The goal for this week is five servings of carbohydrate per day, preferably with many or most coming from grains. I'm getting four per day -- and an artichoke -- but mostly two or three are from fruits. Somehow fruits seem safer? Better for me? More nutritious, maybe? At any rate, I feel as if I'm failing, not trying hard enough. I know that I"m making some progress, here and there, but it seems so hard, and I've seen the ultimate goals, and they seem impossible!

I know I've made some progress, and I have put on some weight. That weight gain is pretty traumatic to me, but I know that it's ultimately good. The progress I'm making with eating is real, if not quite enough. Motivation is a factor, though, because it's hard to want to gain, and somehow I still want to go back to being hungry.

Argh. Anyone who's been through treatment have any input? Even if you can't do anything more than say, "Oh, hey -- I remember doing that..."

Thanks