[JeanRB]

I don't know what I am expecting out of this. I talked to a friend that suggested I give this a try. I figured it couldn't hurt.
I feel as if I am in this alone, sorta. I suffer from binge and purge, sometimes just binge. I want to express myself, but find it difficult to do so. I have tried in the past, talking with my boyfriend, other friends, and it seems when I do, anytime I eat, especially if I opt for a cheeseburger instead of salmon, the magnifier comes out with whom ever I'm with, and the feeling of constant observation, especially when consuming food (it's hard enough to eat in front of people as it is) brings on the self conscience at even higher elevated status.
I think what I'm looking for most, is a safe place where I can just admit and be honest with out actual eyes on me. If this makes any sense and anyone has experience, PPPPPLLLease, let me know.

[tarabug922]

Hi JeanRB,

Being sick and tired of being sick and tired is a great place to start recovery. What an awareness you have about how draining this whole experience has been on you.

Having said that I know exactly what you mean about eyes watching what you're eating. The feeling realy is unbearable. I know for me, in the beginning of my recovery I avoided eating out with people that I wasn't totally comfortable with. Now i eat out with small groups only.

I want you to know that you're not alone and you are amongst friends here. I hope this is your first step on your journey towards recovery.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[littlemisszombie]

hello. im sick of being sick and tired too. i come here because it helps there is some place i can come to, where everyone is pretty much equal, because for whatever differing reasons and types of ed, we all are the same in that we all share ed and sometimes, when there isnt an actual physical face to judge you, it makes dealing with things easier. it is nice that there are people that do understand in every sense of the word, and it is also nice aswell, that sometimes, even if you dont necessarily require an answer, you can come and vent stuff too and get it out of your system.

Originally Posted by JeanRB

I don't know what I am expecting out of this. I talked to a friend that suggested I give this a try. I figured it couldn't hurt.
I feel as if I am in this alone, sorta. I suffer from binge and purge, sometimes just binge. I want to express myself, but find it difficult to do so. I have tried in the past, talking with my boyfriend, other friends, and it seems when I do, anytime I eat, especially if I opt for a cheeseburger instead of salmon, the magnifier comes out with whom ever I'm with, and the feeling of constant observation, especially when consuming food (it's hard enough to eat in front of people as it is) brings on the self conscience at even higher elevated status.
I think what I'm looking for most, is a safe place where I can just admit and be honest with out actual eyes on me. If this makes any sense and anyone has experience, PPPPPLLLease, let me know.

Hi JeanRB,

I know what you mean by feeling like your in this alone . But here your not your surrounded. My eating disorder was as a bingepurger . I say was because I don't purge anymore and i don't binge so i won't purge . ive had years of recovery. I can start again with just following that old voice that says ...do this and then do that . so Im always workig on it .

I do remember even in my Oa group feeling alone. I was usually the only one who was a purger or at least the only one who admidited it . and would talk about it openly. There were one or two others of us with in the group. over the years and we hung close . We would go out and eat together . That was nice because we coud sit and joke and feel more comfortable.

I don't eat around others much . Im a loner . its alot of my life style right now. maybe too much , I love the freedom of not bieng watched or known about . as long as others don't know you would never know I have any difficulty. I do have the twinges of the past that come back when I sit down with others to eat. I have to keep reassuring myself thay are not watching what I eat. BECAUSE! they don't know SO! . Its comfortable now . And as i stretgthen my coise that are what I want and need for me about almost everything then I am able to be more comfortable around others . I can say no and not feel Im putting others out. I used to be a strict vegan for many years. That ws difficult around others . They didn't plan for vegetarians . ther wasn't much to eat. LOL!!!!! I have branched out on my own the last five . Im no longer a veagn I eat chicken and fish . But I primarily like the vegan way of life I belieev its healthier. I love beef but have decided to abstain from it have ince turned 18. I don't refuse it when its offered . If its a small amount. Its not something I buy or is a part of my food plan. Thats an issue still for me As I begin to think about dating .

Abouth the magnifyer. Yup. I have it . I have it concerning others as well . I just tell myself . Oh yeah that old perfectionistic magnifying mind looking and watchig again . I acknowledge it . its usually fear based. Then I say to myself . My new self is more accepting ,more laid back , more hands off of others and how they live thier life the foods they eat , Because...... thats what I want for me.

happy to meet you

Patricia