[Bjork]

Hi all,

I have a little online photo album with pictures of me, my pets, and some of my family members. Well, I have been going to this "supportive" Eating Disorder site (as some of you know, I suffer from Anorexia Nervosa) where they have a "Photo Parlour" where you can post your pics. I figured that since they tell everyone else that they are beautiful and thin (even a 205 pound woman!) that they would tell me the same and my self-esteem would be lifted. This was not so. I
posted a link to my photo album there and was told that I am "not thin" and "not gorgeous". One person went on to say that I might be pretty if I straightened my curly, rebellious hair. Thanks for the compliments. As if living with an Eating Disorder and already thinking those thoughts (that I am fat and ugly) weren't enough, they have to go all out and CONFIRM those thoughts for me. So I AM fat and ugly. How can I go to work today? I'm all dressed up in my cute pants and my sparkly jewelry, but I'm "not thin" and I'm "not gorgeous". GrRRRRRRR. What am I supposed to do?
I'm not expecting anyone to say that I am "gorgeous" really, but to go out of your way to say that I am *not* is mean, I think.

Bjork

[nothemama8]

I'm looking at a very pretty dark haired girl biting a tree limb, she has beautiful dark hair, and laughing eyes, yep this is what I see, also a beautiful heart
Angie

[Bjork]

Ohhh...That's not really me though.... I wish it was

Bjork

(((((((Bjork)))))))))

I have no idea what your physical features look like. I just know you are a sweet kind and compassionate person. I'm sorry you were hurt by someone's careless words. That is the best thing about online forums is that you can more clearly see the beauty within.

HUGS

[Genevieve]

Bjork, I lost 50 pounds while under the care of a psychiatrist who knew that I had a history of AN and was concerned that it was starting up again. People do not see "thin" unless they have some reason to look for it. You know? It's one of those "takes one to know one" things.

I see signs in those pictures -- the shoulder bones sticking out is a give away, for example -- but then I know that you've got a problem, and I know how difficult it can be when it doesn't show easily. I look for it in women, so I can see it when it's there.

I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt at that other site, and don't know what else to say. Except maybe that I would love to have a candy-apple red patent leather miniskirt.

[mortimer]

Don't look for compassion somewhere you're not guaranteed to get it. They sound like they're horridly inmature and insecure themselves, so don't see it as a personal fault of you over it.

Personally, you seem just fine to me. And it's because of how nice you seem to be by the posts I've read of you.

Don't let a few goons make you think otherwise of you. There's more to someone then their looks, their caring, spirit, and mind. And you got those, they're lacking those. You're so winning girl. *hug*

[Bjork]

Thank you everybody! You've made me feel a little bit better *hugs everyone*

Hehe I forgot about the red miniskirt I got it at Hot Topic... I got *lots* of compliments on it Thank you!

Bjork

[Leslie]

I am a heavy person, I fight hard for people to get to know my inside before taking judgement. I have gainned a large amount of weight, because of not being able to be active with a heart condition and the meds I take put a lot of weight on me I have doubled in size. Please try to think about your inside and let people see that. A good personality and caring loving nature can go a far distance. More than you can imagine.

Leslie

[dayzee9]

<font class="small">Code:</font><hr /><pre> </pre><hr /> <font color="purple"> </font> As a person w/ a eating disorder, I think you're quite pretty All you need to do is get rid of the stick in your mouth

[itsjustme111]

I also suffer with anorexia and bulimia. I agree with what everyone has said here. I do fully understand what u are saying here my dear: I feel this as well. And that site that you went on does not sound like a very supportive one. I would recommend not going there again. People can be cruel and mean, this are some of the reasons for eating disorders. (just some), but we know there is so much more that lies underneath the disorder.

I know Leslie, have never seen her but have talked to her many times on the phone and in chat. She is a beautiful person as I have learned to know what Leslie has inside, the biggest heart one could find.

I will admit that I have a hard time talking about ED's as I am very sick right now. I don't see myself attractive at all: others may tell me this but I just get mad as its not what I see. But in the end, killing oneself by wanting to look a certain way just does not make sense--but that's not the ED is all about. So much more is hiding under the ED, thats the hard part in healing the what really hurts inside.

I don't know much about you my dear but after reading this I can see how much others care about you, this is your beauty. And I know, trust me I do, that it doesn't always help when people say this as I know it can agravate me to no end. Not that I get mad at others for helping, its what is in inside that is killing me.

I do believe in my heart that everyone has beauty inside. Even my abusive ex-husband has some of this inside--and I hate to admit this but I did love him for a reason at one point in time.

My question to you Bjork: what does go on for you with your ED? As much as I have been taught about ED's, there is something underneath this illness either than the apperance that you are seeking. As I read what you have written, I see a compassionate, wonderful, beautiful woman who just wants some acceptance, love, nuturing, and some friends to help you through this: and my dear, you have come to the right place.

My heart and thoughts are with you: wishing you all the best in recovery. This is such an ugly illness, it takes away the real person inside and replaces it with the ED that takes control--and I am sure u know this already. I am not lecturing you at all: just know that I understand and pray (if thats okay), that you find what you are searching for--beyond beauty on the outside. Personally, there is beauty in all of us: inside and out. And yes, I can pick out others that I may think has an ED. I stopped wearing clothes that show my bones protruding in my neck area. They stick out so bad that its the first thing you notice on me. And when my kids ask me when I am going to get the doctor to fix my bones that they get hurt on--well it breaks my heart. My kids have to feel where my hip bones are before they lay on me or they dig into them. Thats just sad. They have to place a pillow on certain areas of my body before laying on me: brings me to tears everytime.

Keep posting....I hope we can help u.

Justy

[Bjork]

Stupid enough.. the same people just looked at some pictures of me from back in 2001. From the pictures, they guessed that I weighed 120 lbs at that time In reality I was 90 lbs and about to go back into treatment *again*. What's wrong with me? Do I look so much fatter than I am?

Bjork