[indigo1015]

I am so incredibly depressed over this... I've been exercising at the gym maybe 4 times a week and eating healthier than I was before, and I have lost weight - I'm down from a size 16 to a size 10. But the problem is, not only am I getting very, very bored with the gym, but the discomfort and fear that I feel every time I go there hasn't changed at all. I know that people of all ages, shapes, and sizes go to the gym, and all for different reasons; I see it when I go there. I know in my head that of course fit people are not all mean... they aren't all bullies like the kids who picked on me in school. I can't reconcile that with my heart though. I feel terrible about this, and I've been struggling with it for a very long time. I just started working on it with my therapist, and I think she'll be able to help me quite a bit. What's more, I feel like this is holding me back in some way -- I don't know who the **** I am, and I'm scared of becoming a skinny *****. Of course I want to be healthy, but I don't want to be a horrible person. Again... I realize it's very unfair to make a blanket judgment on everyone who's at a certain fitness level, but in a way, I also feel like that's what they do to me. What can I do to deal with this??? Anyone?

[indigo1015]

And I would like to add that I enjoy exercise, I actually enjoy it a lot... so if anyone has any good suggestions on how to exercise vigorously without going to the gym, please let me know

[indigo1015]

Wow... 100 views and no responses whatsoever... that must be some kind of record. It wasn't my intent to offend people with my post, I just wanted to explain what my issue is. And any advice anyone can give would still be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Fresia]

I truly can understand the fears. The thing I was reminded even lately is that our own judgments of how people perceive are not facts, they are just opinions and assumptions that can get us into trouble. Try to find if you have some true basis to go on for assuming those things and work with those before basing decisions on the tricks our minds can play with telling something that is untrue. It can harm us and harm our relationships with those around us, even with acquaintances if not kept in check. Look for the facts, not the untruths. Are they really being mean? Has actually someone done something to hurt us? Then act accordingly otherwise it is not fair to punish someone for something they have not done.

I can relate to being afraid of being skinny. It may be for a different reason or the same I don't know; however, to me bad things happen to me when I am thinner and I am having to fight that. Though I know logically it would be better to be healthier, there is a part of me that does not want that knowing that there is unwanted attention. It is knowing instead that we just have to take care of ourselves to do what is right for us and to get out of our own way, helping ourselves instead of hurting ourselves by keeping the weight on. The health risks outweigh the rest and are not worth it.

I wish you well as you find the right balance towards getting healthy and in working towards your goals. Good luck!

[indigo1015]

You are probably right, but the reason I feel this way is because of how people like that in the past have treated me. I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be healthy. I don't think I'll ever be able to dissociate "skinny" from "mean." Not unless I actually see proof that skinny people can be nice...

[NWgirl2013]

Are you opposed to getting out and walking or hiking? You live in a beautiful area and I would bet you could get out and do a 40 minute walk. It might give you time to reflect too as you take in the air and scenery while you get healthy.

Do you like to listen to music or other stuff you could download into an ipod? If you don't want to do this alone have you looked to see if there are any MeetUp groups that are similar age and fitness level that would like to join you?

Other people and their opinions need not have any traction with you. You are doing amazingly well so celebrate that, not some past perceptions that don't really have anything to do with who you are now...and p.s. I am the nicest person in the world and "just right", like you. Mean people do suck, but they aren't all skinny, just sayin'

Best to you! I wish you were here so you could hike my hills with me
We could be each others cheer leader

[indigo1015]

Actually, I love hiking :-D I belong to a Meetup hiking group, I'm looking forward to getting out and meeting new people... yes mentally I know that not all skinny people are mean, it's just I'm having trouble convincing myself deep down... I am still going to the gym, trying to deal with the feelings I posted... some days it's easier than others. I just wish it were easier to feel comfortable there. Anyway thanks for your post

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

Are you opposed to getting out and walking or hiking? You live in a beautiful area and I would bet you could get out and do a 40 minute walk. It might give you time to reflect too as you take in the air and scenery while you get healthy.

Do you like to listen to music or other stuff you could download into an ipod? If you don't want to do this alone have you looked to see if there are any MeetUp groups that are similar age and fitness level that would like to join you?

Other people and their opinions need not have any traction with you. You are doing amazingly well so celebrate that, not some past perceptions that don't really have anything to do with who you are now...and p.s. I am the nicest person in the world and "just right", like you. Mean people do suck, but they aren't all skinny, just sayin'

Best to you! I wish you were here so you could hike my hills with me
We could be each others cheer leader

[jenna25brown]

Hi. I feel your pain. I was in this situation before, but not in the gym. I have obesity related problems all my life. School was hell! I was teased, made fun of and so on by all the other girls. I don't know what was their problem. Yes, I was fat and maybe not so attractive, but that is my problem and not theirs.
After I finished school and college, I did some research online and I found great methods on how to exercise and home. Thank God! I didn't have to go to the gym and be stared at! Now, I'm working out from home or go somewhere outside. It's much more fun in nature than in a closed room.

Unfortunately my weight loss is not going so great as I feel great. Hope things will get better soon So my advice to you would be...get online and do some research. It's more fun to running outside is better than on a treadmill. Just a thought

[indigo1015]

Thanks jenna :-) Yeah I've also had weight issues my whole life, school sucked. I'm trying to walk everywhere I can. The only thing I will say is that I will never ever run in public. Sorry to hear about your weight loss troubles, hope things start looking up, and yeah I will research some ideas

Originally Posted by jenna25brown

Hi. I feel your pain. I was in this situation before, but not in the gym. I have obesity related problems all my life. School was hell! I was teased, made fun of and so on by all the other girls. I don't know what was their problem. Yes, I was fat and maybe not so attractive, but that is my problem and not theirs.
After I finished school and college, I did some research online and I found great methods on how to exercise and home. Thank God! I didn't have to go to the gym and be stared at! Now, I'm working out from home or go somewhere outside. It's much more fun in nature than in a closed room.

Unfortunately my weight loss is not going so great as I feel great. Hope things will get better soon So my advice to you would be...get online and do some research. It's more fun to running outside is better than on a treadmill. Just a thought

[Perna]

I'm impressed you are going to the gym and doing so well with it, sticking with it, etc. I couldn't do it (and I joined a female-only gym, got an individual personal trainer, etc.!) What worked for me was the smaller, less "gym" thing, "Curves". The new type gyms where you drop in and have a pass key to get in (like "Anytime" 24 Hour Gyms - Fitness Centers - Health Clubs | Anytime Fitness) would be more my speed.

[indigo1015]

Hey Perna, that's so cool that you mention that, because now I'm actually working at a Curves gym :-D thanks for the encouragement, and let's both of us keep at it!

Originally Posted by Perna

I'm impressed you are going to the gym and doing so well with it, sticking with it, etc. I couldn't do it (and I joined a female-only gym, got an individual personal trainer, etc.!) What worked for me was the smaller, less "gym" thing, "Curves". The new type gyms where you drop in and have a pass key to get in (like "Anytime" 24 Hour Gyms - Fitness Centers - Health Clubs | Anytime Fitness) would be more my speed.

[jenna25brown]

Hi there. I understand your fear and your concern. Really I do! But remember this. You are not going to the gym because of them. You're doing it for yourself! Stay focused on that. They don't matter, but you do matter! Convince yourself of this and the problems will disappear!
And don'even think about the bad things. We attract to our lives the things we think most about. So instead of thinking about all the bad things, think about all the good things!

It's good that you've lost weight, not not so great that you're having problems at the gym. I've never been to a gym before; I work out at home because I don't have the money.

I don't exercise to lose weight; I exercise because I'm very small and I'm afraid of being taken advantage of. Of course, that's just what started it off but now I'm very much in love with exercising. One of the ways I work out and keep it interesting is learning Parkour. It's not easy, but it's pretty fun so far and it's also prompted me to work on areas I didn't consider doing, like pullups - I pretty much suck at them but it's essential if I want to do Parkour successfully. I'm not saying you should go out and do exactly what I'm doing, but doing an obstacle sort of course is a great way to keep feet and keep things interesting. After all, then you can keep a record of your times and such and try to improve on them.

As for you being scared of becoming someone skinny that has a bad attitude...well, not everyone is like that but I certainly understand your fear. I have the same fear about bulking up. I also have the same fear about improving my self esteem. I will say this: I think the fact that you fear it means that it won't happen, because you'll be aware of what you're saying and what you're doing, if that makes sense to you.

Good on you for losing weight, and don't let the idiotic bigots out there get you down! Just live life from day to day, ignore the bad stuff and focus only on the good things in life.

Think positive things