[Travelinglady]

I see case after case of parents who are doing their best to help their adult child who is mentally ill. Many times the child refuses to take the prescibed meds and/or see a therapist. The parents realize that unless they help out, the child will likely be on the street. What advice can you offer to such parents? Thanks so much.

[pegasus]

Hello Travelinglady,

I understand you are talking about an adult child and that would be someone who is over 18. As a parent we want the best for our children whatever age they are. My 24 year old is still a baby to me!

I think it is about trying to find a balance, caring but also stepping back. Just like a therapist would. Do too much for them and the adult child will either be resentful (not compliant) or completely reliant and unable to make decisions for themselves.

A parent I know had three children and one of them (a girl) fell in with a drug addict. They had their own children together and unfortunately the girl also became a drug addict. The parent felt absolutely dreadful and blamed herself for how things had turned out. If she could have stepped back, she would have seen that it was totally misplaced guilt. What that parent did do was to support the grand children and get her daughter into hospital. It was very hard on the parent but the happy ending to that story is that the daughter got clean and ten years later she is doing very well as a counselor for other young people with drug problems.

Here is an article I found on supporting an adult child in a bad relationship, not quite supporting an adult child with mental health issues but the principles are the same. When Your Adult Child is in a Bad Relationship | Psych Central

Hope this helps.

[Travelinglady]

How about if your adult child (yes, legally of age) is having delusions, so is unable to work,.....?

[pegasus]

If someone is having delusions/hallucinations then medication is going to be really important. You can persuade to take the medication, ultimately it's up to them. If they are in danger, which they can be from psychosis, then it's going to be a hospital/emergency type situation as they are seriously vulnerable.

As an adult who has been in the position where I think maybe my parents didn't know what to do for me [though I wasn't necessarily refusing treatment], I would offer this:

I have spoken to many parents who have expressed that they would never do something like call the police on their adult child who is acting violent toward themselves or others, or call an ambulance to have them forcibly assessed if they are not incontrol of their actions of unable to take care of themselves.

I have likewise spoken with parents who feel that it would be unfair to draw very specific clear lines and expectations- such as:
*you can stay here if you are in treatment or have a job or are in school
*you have to [make your own meals, help with X chores, take on this one specific responsiblity]
* saying certain things are specifically unacceptable or certain things are expected, and making clear boundaries and sticking to them

I have to say:
if you are reaching the end of the line, and you have no legal say in your adult child's treatment, there may eventually come a time when you HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU CAN.

That must sometimes necessarily include subjecting them to possible involuntary holds at the hospital if they are not pursuing treatment of their own volition or even calling the police on them if necessary- there are times when this is actually your best option to get them treatment, get them into the system.

They may end up in mental health court and sometimes even possibly recieving mandated treatment- and that is SUCKY. I understand this. But eventually, they will be out of mandated treatment and may get that something is going on that they have to reassess.

I don't believe in forced treatment generally, I do believe in wake up calls. I think sometimes as parents drastic measures need to be taken. If that means taking action and getting your child into the mental health court system, or the state hospital system or the adult welfare system- that may be a very difficult but necessary step.

I DO believe in getting your act together and not hurting your loved ones or taking advantage of them. Speaking as an adult child with a mental illness who went through some pretty rough times- if my parents felt they needed to drag me to the ER and that ended up in a hold or I was so out of control they needed to call the police?

I would have been pissed, yeah. But they would have been doing it because they wanted to help me, and they didn't know how. I would have gotten over it.

Not everyone will agree with me, and that's fine.
But it's one point of view I thought should be presented.