[faithfamily]

My loved one is 30 days into 45 day alcohol recovery center. Diagnosed as mild/moderate. She is doing well. A very good treatment facility. I have visited onsite once and communicated via phone 4-5 times. I write light-hearted letters almost daily. There is an issue happening with her ex-husband, he is moving into the same community as we, within a month of her scheduled return home. I believe it is something she should know. The impact, dynamics, and stress of dealing with him are concerning to the process of her recovery.There are established ways to communicate with her, and there are established ways to communicate with her therapist. I do not want to interfere with progress, or inject myself into her relationship with her therapist. I want to respect those boundaries. But I am tasked with maintaining life and events back here at home, educating myself and preparing home for her return. I'm struggling with this , do I convey the news directly to her OR go through the therapist? Do I say anything at all?
What is best practice? Your thoughts?

[kaliope]

I think letting her know would be fine and then she could bring the information to her therapist to discuss for coping skillsd to deal with the matter.

[faithfamily]

Thank you kaliope for the time you invested in your reply.
Preparing myself for her return seems difficult. I ALSO want to discover and learn from others here on the forum -the things I can do/or not do so that I am supportive and an asset to continued recovery at home. Do you or others have any helpful info you would be willing to share? She (and anyone) who commits to recovery have my utmost respect and admiration.

[eskielover]

Since she is doing well in her recovery I think it's ok to give the information to her directly....otherwise I would have said that the information should go to her T there directly....as it's definitely something that the T needs to know to help her get the skills to handle it.

I have somewhat of a similar concern......I left my H 7 years ago after a 33 year bad marriage which I still haven't been able to finalize the divorce because of communication issues. After cleaning up the IRS mess he made & just getting that finished, I tried to cash an overpayment check & no bank will deposit it in an account that isn't joint & I found out that our joint account he is running at minus $1600 - $2000 every month accruing overcharge costs on everything.....so I can't even cash the check in the one joint account we have.....well I have been researching about his having asperger's....& it's 100% covers all the issues.....so I am putting together an analysis of the years & sending it to his pdoc (we both had the same pdoc until I moved 2100 miles away) so his pdoc knows me. As long as we aren't requesting them for information about the patient & we are giving them the information only....there is no problem doing that.

In my case, I can't trust my hopefully soon to be ex to take the information to his pdoc.....but in your case, I think it's important to put the trust in your loved one in the first place....then maybe in light passing I would ask if she talked it over with her T......if not, then I might think over the possibility of you giving the information directly to the T after giving her the trust in taking it to her T first.....shows that you feel you can trust her & that's an important part of getting better also.....as it's not easy to gain back trust.