[Thunder23]

I just recently turned 18 years of age and have been an honor/AP student my entire life. My final grade point of average throughout the duration of high school was a 96. Next year I will be attending college as an honors student with a 25,000 annual merit scholarship. As of late I have no aspirations of going to school and feel that this could be in jeporady. Perhaps summer?

I have never spoke about any of these problems as I don't want to blacklisted by anyone or anything in the near future as many people are victim of.
As a child I was disciplined physically and mentally which is standard as my parents are both immigrants from the Dominican Republic. When I get into fights with my parents, which as of late, has been frequent, it gets bad, for lack of a better word. I have never hit either of my parents but the verbal altercations get to a point that worries them. Shortly after these fights I have deep deep feelings of resentment towards them. When I was around 15 I would often tell myself that I am going to move out and run away but this is no longer. I still get deep feelings of hatred towards them. I had been a binge and purge eater on and off and would often cycle between this last year.

I am often called handsome but regard myself as shy with people who I don't know. I would describe my self confidence level as constantly cycling from high to low. I love to drive fast and am fascinated by cars and how they work and often find myself driving considerably recklessly. I have a need for speed. I often, although unintentionally, scare others who are in the car. When I was younger, about 15 I often had suicidal thoughts after fights with my parents, but never considered actualization. I wouldn't consider myself close to either of my parents or my 14 year old sister but I love them and would do anything for them. To them I am a normal 18 with aspirations to become a doctor who at times can be irritable at times but nothing more. I consider myself a very social person and am very friendly with people. But I feel like I have this dark side that makes me different. I go into these periods where I can be normal one moment and love live and then suddenly I became resentful, engage in impulsive behaviors whether it be binge drinking/eating, reckless driving, and or spending money. I have had a girlfriend here and there but nothing serious but I often hook up with women. I am the opposite of clingy. I am very good at hiding these symptoms but want to know if I am bipolar or something. Thank your for taking the time to read this post.

[bluekoi]

Thunder23, Hello and welcome to PsychCentral.

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[eskielover]

Ugh, I know that parents can be aggrivating. I am 61 & remember back to the time in my teens when I wanted to move out when I was 13. My parents never hit or were abusive....but they were just dysfunctional & always embarrassed me to death to be anywhere with them growing up.

It would probably be better if you were able to go to a mental health worker & discuss with them what you are feeling as we can't diagnose anything over the internet & non-professionals don't know enough in the first place....which is what most are here in these forums. The resources here will help you see if you think the symptoms are similar to what you are experiencing so that you can take the information to a professional mental health care provider.

I always wished that I could have gone off TOTALLY AWAY from my parents to go to the university...no scholarship, so I was stuck going to a junior college & continuing to live at home which wasn't a pretty situation.

I think that going to a mental health professional before you could go to ones they provide in college....but it would be much better IMO to go & get a professional diagnosis & if there is something going on & they can provide medications & also therapy to better learn the skills needed to handle those extremes & get your "self-control" in place before fighting the whole new environment of college which is tough enough for people who don't have the extra struggles.

[pegasus]

Hello Thunder23, welcome to Psych Central.

It strikes me that you are very intelligent and you have come to a time in your life where you have realised that your parents have brought you up in a way that is not what others have had to deal with. That realisation is a biggy. So, it seems it is your environment that makes you feel this way, you want to do exciting things but feel trapped? The answer lies within you and moving out and getting your own place may help your mental health too. It could be that you have some mental issues too, though it strikes me as being environmental/situational at this point.

You can try these online quizzes if you feel your mental health is suffering and you would like to know more about yourself. >>>> Psychological Tests and Quizzes You can print out the results and take them to your doctor.

[glok]

Welcome to the Community, Thunder23. Does the college you will be attending provide counseling? If so, I hope one of the first things you do is talk to someone to see if any treatment is indicated.

Making decisions when you are not doing well is problematical. Ideally, in my view, the sooner you seek professional help, the better off you will be.

I wish you well.

[Travelinglady]

Hello, Thunder23, and welcome to Psych Central! It does sound like you might have bipolar or some other issue, but the only way to learn a diagnosis for sure is to see a professional.

I, too, even though I am 59, still remember my attempts to break away from my parents and how difficult they made things for me. Please do try to go ahead to college. I think you will really enjoy the freedom, as well as the learning environment. I know I did!