How to get help for my mother

My mother has been living alone since my father died in 2008. Up until recently she has been doing o.k., but the last year she seems to be having psychological problems. She is about 70.

I have been trying to visit her at least every other day. I usually spend most of the weekends with her too. But it doesn't seem to be enough anymore. Last weekend I had left her after spending several hours Saturday morning. Only a couple of hours later she called me and seemed to be falling apart from loneliness as if the time I just spent with her didn't happen.

This is starting to worry me, because she seems very unstable. We have been trying to remodel the building where I live so that we have two apartments and she won't be so isolated. That project keeps getting blocked.

I think she needs to get some therapy and medication, but I don't know how to make that happen. It's hard enough for me to convince myself to get therapy and medication, how do I suggest that to my mother?

I'm doing everything I know to help her, but it seems like it isn't enough.

Hello x123, would your Mother go to the doctor if you went with her or could you get the doctor to do a home visit? Grief can do all sorts of things, it could be depression, it could be dementia or something else. Can you give her doctor a call and explain the situation?

Thanks, pegasus. I just saw her a few minutes ago and she seemed very energetic and cheerful on her way to do some errands before a hair appointment.

I have tried to suggest that maybe she would like to see a psychologist, but she says she just needs to move so she isn't all alone in her house.

She has anxiety problems, but I also think she is getting depressed. I'm depressed too, so that makes it harder for me to think of solutions.

Pegasus is on the right track. The place to start is with a visit to her primary care provider, preferably with you along with her. At her age she could be having problems with blood pressure, glucose, hormones, bone density -- any number of physical things that can leave her feeling very sub-par. It's not uncommon for any of us to act needy and out of character if we're feeling vaguely not right physically.

In older people, bladder infections don't have the same kinds of symptoms as in younger people. They seldom have fever and don't have the same kind of discomfort as younger people. When a person your mother's age starts acting differently, forgetful, confused, almost demented, the very first thing to check is bladder health.

If the doctor gives her a clean bill of health, then's the time to seek psychological help.

Good luck to you. Your mom is lucky to have such a devoted daughter!

Thanks, I think it isn't a bladder infection, because she gets them often and they are still painful.

The way she describes it is like anxiety where she suddenly feels she needs to get out of her house and be around people. The odd thing is that she felt this sudden anxiety just a few hours after I had left her. That doesn't make sense to me and seems like a sign of psychological problems.

She has always had problems with anxiety. I think your advice is good, but I don't know how to convince her to go to a doctor or psychologist about it. But I will work towards that goal.