[jamiller]

Hi. Does anyone have tips to share for ways to deal with passive-aggressive behavior when the person is a family member? I realize I personally cannot change the behavior but it's tricky to stay away from my son's mother-in-law during family gatherings. And avoidance still allows her to loudly share mean-spirited comments from afar. Mean-spirited comments that only I would understand. Others might not catch the tone or hear what she's really saying. I've tried to have at least one more person present in a conversation if she wants to talk hoping this might keep her in check. Doesn't work. So confusing and tiring to see and hear the disconnected facial signs vs. the almost subliminal conversation. We are both in our 60s and related by marriage. Our kids married each other so it's important to me we not allow her to drive a wedge into family functions. She's had a rough life but I can't keep turning the other cheek and let her sweet smile and sharp-tongued mouth make me her victim or keep me from attending parties, which by the way seems to reinforce her bad behavior. I'm a communicator. She is not. I say "No". She cannot, and that seems to make me more of a target. I'd love a proactive way to disarm her drama. Tips you've found or articles you've read would be most appreciated. So tiresome, frustrating and confusing.

Thanks.

[pegasus]

Hello jamiller, this article may be of help to you How do I deal with my passive-aggressive mother-in-law? | Ask the Therapist

[jamiller]

Yes, it did! Thank you. It will take time to figure out which of the 3 suggested responses works best or maybe a combination, and then practice to make it second nature. Appreciate the link!! Thanks again.