[Browncurtains]

I'm only 14, and I'm not sure I'm depressed. I took the test and it said I might be moderately depressed. Everyone usually associates depression with sadness, but i never really feel very sad! I often fantasize about killing myself but I never do. Also instead of feeling sad I often feel very, very angry. If something minor happens I explode! I never show any of this on the outside, I usually walk away from anyone around and just cry or try to calm down. Whenever I'm very angry is usually when I want to kill myself. I never have done it though, and that makes me angrier! I feel like I'm not strong enough to kill myself. These feeling of anger usually pass after 5-10 minutes or sometimes longer. But I don't know if it's depression or just being a teenager.

[pegasus]

Hello Browncurtains, welcome to Psych Central.

Feeling suicidal or wanting to kill yourself is an indication that you need to seek support. The highest group of individuals that actually succeed in killing themselves happens to be young adutl males. I don't know if you are male or female, is does not matter, what matters is that you feel suicidal at times. Please seek help, talk to a teacher, doctor, someone you trust. Here are some helplines Psych Central: Suicide and Crisis And please keep talking here also.

[SnakeCharmer]

Browncurtains, I'm sorry you're going through this hard time.

In answer to your question, there's more than one kind of depression. Some depression is sorrowful; some depression is anxious and agitated; and some depression is rageful. Some depressed people lose their appetites and can't sleep. Others want to eat and sleep way too much.

So just because you don't think of yourself as feeling sad, it doesn't mean you couldn't have depression.

It's normal for teenagers to have some intense emotions, but when you want to kill yourself or if you feel violent toward others, it's really time to seek some help. It sounds as though you already know something isn't quite right with the way your emotions carry you away. Which shows self-awareness. It sounds like you're ready to accept help if you can just find it.

Can you tell either of your parents that you've been feeling depressed? Or another adult relative or a teacher or school counselor? With some counseling and support, people can and do recover from episodes of depression.

I wish you the very best of luck. Please come back and tell us how you're doing. People here can offer you support and understanding.

[Altered Moment]

I don't experience depression as sadness either. I am just numb. For many people anger is a part of it.

Many people may chalk it up to just being a teenager but if you are having suicidal thoughts that is not just normal teenage stuff. It needs to be taken seriously. I would suggest getting some help.

Welcome to PC btw and you may want to check out the depression section and read and post there.