[blind archer]

i am more than just depressed. my mind is a chaos but i dont know how to describe it to my doc or anyone else

first is my imagination. it is insane. i imagine complete random nonsense like ... ummm... and that's the second problem. my imagination goes apepoop 100 times everyday yet i can't give an example because i completely forget them in minutes as if they were dreams. even dreams aren't that crazy

third i feel as if my own brain has a plot against me. it gives me urges do stupid and bad things i dont want to do. like destroying someones hardwork or hurting myselfi. i rarely do them. if i know i shouldnt think something i cant stop thinking about it.

fourth is a feeling that has troubled me since childhood that something is wrong. very wrong. i dont know what but i feel as if its true

[Crazy Hitch]

It sounds as if you have an over active imagination - which may not necessarily be a bad thing, if you channel it correctly. Have you tried keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts so that you can reflect on them later on if you have a tendency to forget?

You might have some mild intrusive thoughts going on, but remember I'm no medical expert and you do have a sense of awareness and can distinguish between thoughts that aren't quite right.

You could also have a bit of paranoia going on. You have no proof something is wrong. It could even be related to anxiety.

Again, remember this is my personal reflection.

It's not a medical diagnosis.

I hope you find the answers you seek.

[Frankbtl]

Hi blind archer, with the third problem.......the urges/impulses..........I was kind of thinking maybe OCD, although it could be other things too.......just that depending on the nature of the imagination/thoughts they could link in too. And with the fourth problem..........the feeling of something being wrong.........maybe anxiety, maybe feeling a lack of "order", maybe connected to the thoughts.............
Although it could also be other things too!!! And just like Hooligan said we can't give a diagnosis.
I'd suggest you talk about it with a doctor/pdoc/T..............I'm guessing it must be quite frightening, overwhelming, consuming, distressing at times.........but just starting with finding out where those feelings/experiences are coming from/what may be causing them with a professional can be a big step in getting the help you need with them.
But really well done on sharing what's going on for you with us, if you can just do that with a professional too..........whatever/why ever it is, knowledge can be power.

Alison

[queer bp2]

It might be a mixed episode. sometimes that happens

[cool09]

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Your thoughts could be disorganized. Is it chronic and interferes with your daily life, functioning? As for the bad thoughts they could be intrusive and unwanted thoughts. Average people have bad or devious thoughts, too - that's obvious.