Very uncomfortable feeling around my dad, any ideas why?

Alright so before we start, I love my dad, I love my entire family.

Ok so I'm going to keep this short and to the point.

I've never gotten along with my dad when I was a teenager, because I had a lot of mental health issues, but my mom was ALWAYS there for me. He's super, super nice to me now, and he's given me so much and I don't take that for granted.

The thing is, he's been an alcoholic for a VERY long time, before he and my mom got married. I've caught him in the act of getting drinks from his favorite hiding spots in the basement on numerous occasions and it's very awkward, because he lies to my face and makes up excuses like ''oh, I was checking on the laundry''. Yeah, there's no laundry in the machines, they're not even on.

No one says anything after it happens.

I've gone to take a bath only to find empty beer cans around the bathtub or a vodka bottle between some towels a few times. He's tried blaming ME for that on some occasions too.

On a bit of an unrelated note, when I was about 20 he tried to strangle me to death, luckily my mom heard all the commotion and managed to beat him off me. The grip was so tight that there were marks in my neck and his nails had cut my ear lobe and neck. I had forgiven him for that almost immediately, because I used to be a real jerk as a teenager. I'm not saying I deserved to almost be murdered though.

The thing is, he's always been really creepy, like I REALLY REALLY don't feel comfortable around him, and I've tried everything mentally and what ever in order to get past this, and I just can't.

When ever he's not around, I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. But as soon as he's around or I see him, I feel extremely uncomfortable and it makes me feel extremely angry.

I get this feeling like I need to get away as far as possible.

Any thoughts or what ever would be appreciated!

I'm not a doctor but it sounds like you might have PTSD. You should try to see a therapist or counselor to talk to them about your feelings. There is a PTSD forum here you can post in and also a forum for children of alcoholic parents. Please find a therapist if you can, though. It will make a difference.

hi different
jelly bean is right. your issues stem from a dysfunctional childhood. seeking therapy is the best way to deal with this. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

Youre around an unsafe unpredictable person. Your reaction to him makes perfect sense.

That being said, I think a therapist is a good idea regardless.

You sound very loving, of course love yourself first. If you can separate the authority he represents.You are the adult he is stuck somewhere in his youth.

Hello Different27, welcome to Psych Central.

I am biased because I grew up with alcoholic parents. In my view it is no wonder you feel the way you do. You have given us one example of your Father being unpredictable in trying to strangle you, I bet that isn't the only instance of such behaviour. That sort of behaviour has a massive impact on a child/teenager. As children, we cope with it as best we can at the time but there does come a time to actually properly put it in it's place by having therapy. Please look into seeking therapy for this.

We do have a very good Adult Children of Alcoholics forum you can share more in. You are not alone.

I would feel very worried about you if you felt comfortable around him. That would mean you'd lost all sense of self-preservation.

You dad is an unpredictable alcoholic who lost it so badly that he tried to strangle you to death. The fact you may have been a totally obnoxious teenager does not make what he did a normal reaction.

The fact that you've forgiven him for that and love him doesn't make him trustworthy. He may love you back very much. But he's still struggling with the disease of alcoholism, he could suffer blackouts at any time and not realize what he's doing. That's a common symptom of advanced alcoholism.

If he gets sober and starts working a program of recovery, he may one day have earned your trust back. Until then, it's wise to be cautious.

I wish you the best.