[PondLife]

So, I joined the forums here because I need people who understand what I'm going through to talk to, and I think I've found that here, I have only posted in the introductions but I have read threads and think I have found a good place. I haven't posted about myself yet because I don't exactly know how to word it.

But that's not why I'm posting here, I need some help. I have a four year old son who acts very strangely. I will start off by saying he is in therapy because of a few problems he has, so I am trying to deal with this, but no one has really told me what might be going on with him. His teachers have assured me that he does not have autism of any kind, but agree with me that he does show signs of bi-polar behavior. I have hope that these signs are just a symptom of age related and stress problems that he is having.

Here is my problem, I have no idea how to search what is going on with him. He is very smart, he can read a few words, can count to 40 (but for some reason always leaves out 15 even though when asked what comes after 14 or before 16 he knows) He is sweet, polite and helpful. He is not rude or aggressive and does not throw tantrums. He can only follow one direction at a time and it has to be very simplified. "Pick up that paper and throw it away." Will take a few steps to get him to understand. First, he has to locate what you are talking about, and pointing does not work, he understands the concept and points to things when he needs to show someone something, but cannot find and object that is being pointed to. After he finds the paper you have to tell him where the trash is, even though he knows and uses it all the time without being told. He also has a hard time finding objects no matter how detailed the description.

I was very upset after an incident today (not at him, I guess it is more frustration than anything), I asked him to go in my bedroom and get the glass cleaner the was on my dresser. He has gotten me the glass cleaner before without a problem, but this time he couldn't find it, after a few seconds of his hesitating to bring me anything I knew i was happening again, so I said it was pink and in a spray bottle. He then brought out a brown coffee cup full of pens and asked me if that's what it. I went into my room and asked him if he saw the spray bottle, he said no, but he was standing right in front of it. I then picked it up and said is this it, and he said yes.

This doesn't happen every time, it is random. I don't know what to do, I want to help him, he gets so frustrated in school when this happens, even though I have explained it to his teachers and they try to help. Does anyone have any ideas or know what is going on?

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi PondLife

I'd like to throw caution to the wind.

Be careful of labeling your son as "bipolar". This isn't something you want hovering around without a psychiatric diagnosis by a qualified psychiatrist. 4 seems a bit young to be labelling him as such.

So, I'm not a medical professional, so what I am going to say is not based on medical opinion, rather based on personal one.

I used to be a teacher.

Students who were on a Differentiated Learning Plan and exhibited symptoms that you have described in your son could be diagnosed with different learning difficulties.

This is best diagnosed, again, by a trained professional (not a therapist who manages symptoms and does not diagnose - it's normally been done through educational psychologists who do a batch of assessment tests).

His cognative recall seems alright.

However, he does struggle with auditory processing. A child in my classroom with this diagnosis would need to be taught using both visual and auditory cues. It's extremely difficult for these students to write down what has been dictated out loud via speech - their brains just don't process it like ours does. So learning through pictures, diagrams, videos, writing on the board etc works.

I will always check that these students have understood my verbal instruction by casually going up to them and asking them to repeat to me an instruction that I have given to them (in a task or an activity). That way I know if they truly got the message for the instruction, or not, depending on their interpretation of how they relay the message back to me.

The other time I have scenarios similar to what your son experiences sometimes stem from those with ADHD. (Apologies anyone with ADHD, this is the perspective of a teacher - jump in and correct me). Lots of stimulation can be going on. At that age, your sons brain is working through a lot of stimulation.

Take the "simple" instruction you gave him today.

He had to:

*Go to your bedroom
*Look for the glass cleaner
*Remember to look on your dresser
*Remember why he went to your room in the first place when he sees everything else there
*Recall what the glass cleaner looked like the last time
*He then got distracted by some lovely brown coffee cups
*He was then interrupted by all this gazing with you walking into the room and asking him questions.

WOW. So much going on for him.

[PondLife]

I am not jumping to any conclusions about him possibly being bi-polar, I know that there is no real possible way to tell in one so young. I am just worried that he may be since my mother, father, brother, and I are all bi-polar. Plus his father has some serious mental issues that have been brought to light, so I worry, I still treat him like a normal kid. (I know this kinda sounds like and angry comeback, but it isn't I'm just adding a little more info.)

What you said about the attention thing makes sense, his teachers have stressed to me that he is not ADHD, he pays attention very well and rarely gets distracted when speaking one on one, but you're right, I have no idea what is going on in his little head as he walks into my room. There have been times when I've asked him to get something from one room and he walks in the completely opposite direction, still looking for whatever it is or going to do what I asked, just in the wrong place. He seems confused a lot, but not all the time.

I forgot to say that my son didn't really speak until he was three, he could say a few words, but he could not communicate fully, it took two years of speech therapy and going to pre-school to get him to communicate. He is just now starting to do things I would expect from a child his age like pretending with his stuffed animals and action figures. His teachers have made it so that he will no longer be in a special ed class when he goes to kindergarten, but he will have the option for extra help.

I just really feel like I screwed up with my older son (who is 16) and want to really get it right with my younger son. I worry about bi-polar because it's just recently that I have started to see the world as a place of possibility, not just boredom and pain. I always want him to see the world with wonder and awe.

[Crazy Hitch]

I worry about my kids too, because I have bipolar, my biological mother had some serious psychiatric issues going on and my father had some too.

But I have to take it one day at a time and put my mind at ease by telling myself that there is no way that I would know right now. But the thought of genetic inheritance still lingers in my head every now and again.

My daughter was a mute until she was 3. She also went for intensive speech therapy. She's 11 now - no problems at school and has infact done really well this last semester.

It's good that your son has the option of going mainstream with additional support. That's great for him.

I'm sorry to hear that you think you may have made mistakes on your son who is 16. The hardest thing about parenting is that it just doesn't come with a manual. We do what we know how to do best at the time. Don't be so hard on yourself. This whole parenting thing isn't that easy when we have children that are all so unique and what one parent will do with their child that works just doesn't work with ours. I don't know what issues your 16 year old went through, but it certainly sounds to me like you're doing everything possible to help your 4 year old. Hats off to you.

[pegasus]

Hello PondLife,

It concerns me that the therapist involved is not keeping you informed on the issues? Was he referred through the school for therapy, if so then you need to find out more about your son's condition, you are entitled to know. I would also suggest that you take him for a hearing test and eye test. It appears, in what you have written that he simply can't see what is in front of him. Incidently it is unlikely to be bipolar in a child so young and from what you have written, there does not seem to be any alarm bells for that. Try not to worry, but keep pushing for information so that you can help him.

[PondLife]

He has only just begun with his therapist, she said she thinks she sees what is going on, but didn't tell me what she meant. He has had his hearing and sight tested withing the last six months, both were fine.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by PondLife

He has only just begun with his therapist, she said she thinks she sees what is going on, but didn't tell me what she meant. He has had his hearing and sight tested withing the last six months, both were fine.

For what it's worth, hearing can be tested fine, but there is an auditory disorder (I can't find what it was called) wherein someone will hear you, but not process any instructions because of a disconnect between the auditory functions and brain processing. It's just like background noise to them. They have to be looking right at you for them to "hear" you.

Also, a buddy of mine had a ton of trouble when he was young. He didn't start speaking until 3 or 4, didn't interact with the other kids in a normal way ... a lot of what you are describing. His problem wasn't that he had a mental illness or learning disorder though.

His problem was he was freaking brilliant. He was very cerebral at that young age and as he got older, decided that communicating was an okay thing to do and now he's very social (and a chemical engineer that graduated 4.0 GPA).

You say he understands his numbers (my kids always had one they skipped for some reason too) and you say you know he "knows" something. I wonder if he hasn't already figured it out and gone on to the next thing? Like you sent him for the window cleaner and he knew where it was and blah, blah ... he was bored and dropped the idea.

So there could be some other rather obscure things going on. And once in a while when we think something is "wrong" it's actually gone horribly right!

[Thunder Bow]

I think he is just trying to keep your attention on him. He is one smart kid!

[PondLife]

So we went to the therapist today and she suggested that he may have an auditory processing disorder.

He has all the signs on this list except one and that is the word math questions because he is in pre-school he hasn't had those yet.

• Is your child easily distracted or unusually bothered by loud or sudden noises?
• Are noisy environments upsetting to your child?
• Does your child's behavior and performance improve in quieter settings?
• Does your child have difficulty following directions, whether simple or complicated?
• Does your child have reading, spelling, writing, or other speech-language difficulties?
• Is abstract information difficult for your child to comprehend?
• Are verbal (word) math problems difficult for your child?
• Is your child disorganized and forgetful?
• Are conversations hard for your child to follow?

My friends and I are going to do some testing by the suggestion of his therapist, to see if he has an easier time when he is looking directly at the person talking with no distractions, but all of us already know he does.

I asked her about how my husband used to accuse me of saying things I never said all the time, she said yes, it's like that I could say one thing and he would hear something completely different.

[BLUEDOVE]

I know absolutely nothing about this,but I do
know you are a very good Mother.

[gayleggg]

PondLife, it sounds to me like you are taking all the correct steps. And like Hooligan said, we aren't given manuals. We do the best we know how. I like the quote by Maya Angelou "When you know better, you do better." It looks like you are already doing that. And it sounds like the therapist is on to something. Keep up the good work.

As far as your 16 year old goes, you may be surprised and find out you didn't do such a bad job. My dad made lots of mistakes, which set in motion a lot of misunderstanding, like I didn't think he loved me. I made a lot of mistakes based on my belief I wasn't lovable, but I realized that he did the best he knew how. He didn't intentionally hurt me. And I loved him very much. Children can be very forgiving, but you have to forgive yourself, too.