[Chai15]

When I went to get a psych evaluation done (for depressive symptoms), the doctor didn't tell me anything or make any diagnosis. I saw on his report that he had written 3 or 4 possibilities. One of them was cyclothimic disorder (a mild form of bipolar). I know I don't have it because like bipolar, the depression and mania comes in cycles of days or usually weeks at a time. My mood does not follow a cycle pattern.
I told my sister about it and she was like ''that's not even a real thing. If so everyone has it. Everyone has mood swings...that's dumb.''

Am I normal? Is it just regular common mood swings? I mean, I don't fit in any disorder. So I guess maybe this is normal after all.

I have what I call on/off depression since I was about 10 (was bullied at the time, and the feelings never went away). I have times when I get really depressed (feel hopeless, general anxiety feeling, hate myself, self-harm, serious suicidal thoughts, crying for no reason...). And I have times when I feel great (which kind of eliminates Major Depressive disorder as a possiblity). In those times I feel super confident, happy, like I'm on top of the world, all my bad thoughts and worries go away, act without thinking).

I know it's not bipolar because as I have said, it does not come in cycle. I will usually feel like this only for a day or two I think and then I go back to depression mode. And then a couple days later I feel great. It's one of the reason it took a long time for me to try to get help. I would feel so ****** and suicidal and decide ''okay, tommorow I'm going to see a doctor, I'm done!'' and then the next day I feel great so no need to get help.

I am a 20 year old girl. Is this just typical ''hormone'' mood swing? The thing that make me doubt it sometimes is the fact that I do get very suicidal at times.

I have been seeing a doctor and I saw a few nurses and social workers. Nobody sees anything wrong with me (I don't tend to talk a lot during our meetings though and I suck at expressing my feelings). They are positive I don't have depression. They say I just have ''depression symptoms''. The doctor did presribe antidepressents to me (back in september) and I recently got presribed a different one. So far it's not doing much.

[*Laurie*]

Hi Chai15, Diagnosis isn't so much about mood swings as it is about how far your moods swing...and where they go when they swing. For example, having an untreated rage problem could get someone into serious trouble in life. So if your annoyance turns to anger turns to rage that you can't control, well, yeah - you need help asap. If you feel irritable and edgy most of the time, you probably need help in terms of meds and therapy. But if you just tend to get cranky when you're tired, well...you probably just need to get more sleep, and maybe be in a support group or talk to a therapist about some stuff that is bothering you.

It sounds like your p-doc is taking a cautious approach to diagnosing you. Maybe he wants to observe your behavior for a while before he decides on a specific diagnosis?

As for the "cycle" aspect of your moods, there doesn't have to be a predictable cycle to mood changes in order for someone to be diagnosed as bipolar. The reason is, there are a number of different types of bipolar disorder. Rapid-cycling, mixed-state...those are two types of bipolar that don't follow a clear and predictable cycle. And someone can have major depressive disorder and have a period of severe depression, then kind of go back to a normal place, only to slip into a major depression again.

I know how frustrating it feels not to have a diagnosis. I'll tell you something though. After many, many years of receiving psychiatric treatment I will say that diagnosis really isn't that important, after all. Diagnoses often change over time and you require a different treatment today than you might in a year or five years. I'm not that sure what most of us want is a name for our disorder, so much as something that brings relief to our bad feelings. We think, "If I have a name for 'this' I can get help and make 'it' go away."

I think it's important that you focus on why you sought help in the first place and keep pursuing help until you feel you have a strategy for living your life as best you can, and so you don't feel compelled to question every feeling, thought, or mood because that's not a pleasant way to live life. You want to live your life, not question it all the time. Questioning things all the time feels horrible.