[llyamyan]

Hi everyone, this is my first post on this site. I genuinely appreciate anyone taking the time out of their day to read this. I searched for a mental health forum because I needed answers, support, help, and maybe some assurance I'm going to be alright. I am a 16 year old girl, and I have known for years that I am not in the best mental state. When I was about 12, my issues centered around body image. Looking at myself in the mirror evoked immense anger, and i'd often be so angered simply from my own appearance that i'd self harm. I'd go through periods of starving myself, and this behavior continued until I was about 14. At age 14, I developed some hormonal issues. I stopped getting my period, and started taking birth control and other hormone pills to correct the issue. However, the pills didn't work well with me, and they only made my health decline even further. I eventually stopped taking all pills, but now only get about 3-4 periods per year. It was at this age when I also began having anxiety attacks. The attacks were terrifying, I couldn't breathe, and it felt like I was in a dream, disconnected from reality. At about age 14/15, my issues seemed to center solely around sadness. The sadness was crippling, and that was when I really began to question my existence. Now, at age 16, I haven't had an anxiety attack in almost a year, but I've felt incredibly out of it for the last few weeks. I feel so weird, and wrong and disconnected. Like i'm not really here. One second i'll be fine, and the next it's almost like I can feel my mood decline. I can feel the highs and lows in my emotions. I'll be so upset that it will hurt and i'll be bawling, then within 15 minutes or so i'll be ecstatic. I often feel sped up, or slowed down. I just don't feel like myself lately. I have some family members with bipolar disorder, which is why I began to question if I had it myself. I'm very rash lately, making weird decisions, and overall, I just don't feel like i'm here. I'm sick of feeling this way. I just want to feel normal. Approaching my parents doesn't seem to work very well. They aren't really the type that believe in mental illnesses, and they especially don't believe their daughter would have one. Does anyone have any advice for me? This disconnected, weird feeling is just intolerable. I can't stand the vicious shifts in my mood. I can feel the highs and lows and I'm just frustrated.

Thank you.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC. you can find lots of support here.

I wouldn't be so quick to label yourself bi polar. It's possible.

The thing that came to my mind was the hormonal stuff. If you are still only having three to four periods a years something is still off. Have you been to an endocrinologist in awhile? My niece went though something similar and it took quite awhile to sort it out. I don't know all the details but I know part of the problem was her thyroid. A whacked endocrine system can cause all the stuff you are talking about besides the tough years of being a teen. I would try to get your parents to get you into an expert endocrinologist and go from there.

[emory_]

Hi, friend. I've got some things to say, sorry if this turns into a pretty long reply.

I'll start by saying I'm a 22 year old girl with hormonal issues along with mental illness. As I was reading your post, all I could do was shake my head yes and think about how similar our situations are. They aren't identical, but similar. (I haven't dealt with any eating disorders before.) From a really young age, probably 12, I've had problems with hormonal type issues. I had super heavy periods, cramps that made me lose consciousness in the bathroom floor (it happened at school a few times, that was fun) or send me to the emergency room, horrible mood fluctuations that were directly related to hormone fluctuations, etc. Around age 13, I started experiencing depression and things I knew weren't normal. I became convinced that no one else was real, or that my whole life was a dream, or that nothing mattered and life had no real consequences. I felt like I was in a fog or a dream. I would go from being pretty okay to being a raging, sobbing, screaming mess in no time. I had a horrible time trying to focus on anything, especially school. I knew I wasn't just depressed. The depression and periods got worse as time went on, and it wasn't until I had a pretty bad breakdown and serious thoughts of suicide when I was 19 that I finally started reaching out for help. That's when I got my diagnoses, and started medication treatment. It literally saved my life.

If there's anything I've learned or taken from that experience, it's that it's never too early to go get checked out. I (and every person here) won't be able to tell you if you do or don't have bipolar disorder or any other illness, and I highly discourage using the internet as a tool to self diagnose. However, I know that it does help to be able to look online and try to get an idea of what might be happening to you. I would suggest seeing a mental health professional as soon as possible. If I might ask, what state do you live in? I'm interested in what the laws are in your state about mental health professionals and minors in regards to parental consent. I definitely want to help you figure this out. I know how it feels to be a 16 year old girl, looking at all your peers and just wondering how it's so easy for them to deal with it all. I know it's hard, I know it's a struggle, and I wish I had known at age 16 that things can change. Just remember, things can always change. Be well, let me know what state you're in if you're comfortable with it, and we'll try to figure something out.