[nona2112]

My best friend had a major surgery while I was overseas visiting family. She had her parents and husband by her side during that time. I did skyped her before and after surgery to wish her well. I was not available for couple days online for her but I resumed talking to her after i regained access to computer, but she ignored me. When I returned, I went to see her in the hospital the next day, but got a cold reception. The next day after that, I got nasty messages from her husband that I am bad friend because I should have cancelled the trip or returned earlier, and should have been available online for her 24/7. He told me that they are very good without me and do not need anything from me. Right now, I don't know what to do. Please help!

[Thunder Bow]

Nasty husband had no right to say that kind of thing to you. Best to not contact her or her husband again. Wait for them to contact you, and take it from there. This was not your fault. It was unprovoked bullying on his part. I think he the one that has a problem, not you. He is probably stressed and angry by his situation.

[pegasus]

Hello nona2112, welcome to Psych Central.

So you contacted your best friend before and after the surgery. You say that your best friend ignored you when you regained access to the computer, do you know that she was ignoring you for sure? Could it be that she was unable to reply to you due to the surgery. When you went to visit, who did you get the cold treatment from? Your friend or the husband? I don't know the dynamics of the friendship and the husband, has the husband usually been accepting of your friendship or has there been friction before? Sorry for all the questions but from what you have written, it sounds like it is the husband that is upset and some assumptions have been made. Talk to your best friend when you can.

I agree with Pegasus. Also, being a good friend does not translate to being a servant at her every whim to talk or visit. Friendship is having a understanding of boundaries and functionality balanced with having time for each other when possible for the *both* of you. Good luck!

[nona2112]

Dear Pegasus, I know that she was ignoring me because she stayed in touch with our mutual friend who was also overseas visiting family. When I visited her, I got cold treatment from both, her and her husband. Before her surgery, I was in great relationships with both of them. But about a month before my trip, I noticed he was cooler than usual. Also, I realized recently that he deleted me from his friends on Facebook, which seems to me very childish. Also, I had my birthday right before my trip, and had invited all her family, and he called me the day of my birthday and told me that he is sick, which was very suspicious (may be I am just exaggerating). Anyway, it is not only him, because I am sure they discussed this issue in details and those texts' content reflected their mutual feelings.

[brainhi]

It must be painful that you could loss a friendship over miscommunication in the virtual world..this is the day and age for it. I cannot expect others to behave the way that I think they "should" behave. I accept their friendship as is or I can decide to let go or they can let go. If there is miscommunication - I hope you all figure this out soon. Take care.

[pegasus]

Hello nona2112, the fact that you are so upset about this means you are a good friend. It sounds like the husband is putting a spanner in the works, is that through jealousy, control, who knows. Communication is the answer, with your friend, not through a third party. You need either a repair solution or closure.