not taking things personally

How do you not take something personally.

I feel kind of childish... I know it is better not to but how do you do it. If something is affecting you it seems easy to take it kind of personal.

Any tips?

There's nothing wrong with being sensitive but its trial and error on toning it down. Im sorry I couldn't be more helpful. Love&Light

Maybe take their view and understand why they are behaving in such a way. If you walk in their shoes...its easier to turn the other cheek. Within reason of course.

Can you give us some examples GreenMoss?

I also struggle with this. Some things that help, sometimes:

1. Come up with an alternate story. Someone isn't getting back to me? It's probably because they are busy, not because I have offended them.
2. Remember times when I guessed wrong: I thought that Suzi didn't get back to me because she doesn't like me, but it turned out I sent the message to an email account she rarely checks.
3. Remind myself that people are more interested in themselves than me.

When I take something personally, I hold my breath until I pass out...hope this helps.

- people's (customers & coworkers) observations and comments about me to me. If I don't like what someone says or don't have the energy to chit chat I remain silent which provokes them to pry (if someone doesn't respond to something I've said I take a hint). To what extent does a person need to explain themselves?

-in an general way, if an action by someone causes me difficulty my first feelings/thoughts are that that person is inconsiderate or rude when they are probably just trying to get through the day as best as they can. This makes me sound selfish. I didn't used to be this way.

First of all, don't give yourself a hard time for having feelings.

I'll give you an example of mine. I work in a supermarket and I was on the checkout. I was slow at doing the job because I am fairly new to it. There was a customer in the line and she was rolling her eyes and tutting at me. At the time I took it personally and it made me feel bad but then I thought about it properly. This customer would have rolled her eyes at anyone and her reaction was about her, not me!

You never have to explain yourself. You are as you are. If you wish to be assertive let the people causing you discomfort that you do not appreciate their comments. Or you can ignore them and just talk about "normal" things. Customer: who killed your joy? You: Wow its really cold out there huh?

Question is, what has changed for you that has caused this new thought pattern?

I have had waiters and clerks completely ignore me and not talk to me. Knowing who I am helps me from taking it personally.

It's odd because you need a tough skin in the majority of workplaces or socializing, etc. When you put up that wall sometimes you do yourself a disfavor and accidentally shut everything out. It's kind of like an art, imo. When I put up a wall my wall goes all the way up and I feel nothing - so it's like black and white with me which doesn't help me function anywhere.

When I'm around my family I realize that it's OK to bring down my defenses and it really messes with my head. I find the whole process difficult and very strange.

Hey, if you listen to Alan Watts numerous lectures (youtube) he talks a lot about the Modern World and things just like this and how absurd and dissatisfying the whole process can be. He talks about engaging and disengaging ourselves due to all sorts of contemporary values, myths, taboos, expectations, etc. around us, how we end up losing ourselves in the process and how we lose sight of the present moment when all we really have is nothing but the present.

I find it depends on my mood how sensitive I am to remarks of slight of others. When I'm depressed it is easier for me to blow things up out of proportion. I have to work really hard to look at things from the other persons eyes to see if it is really something I need to take personally, because sometimes there will be a reason someone might say something but not mean it to be negative. I think using Cognitive Base thinking helps out in these situations when my thinking is distorted causing me to take things personally.

Meditation practice can really help to teach us not to take things personally, but to focus on our breath and "just notice" our reactions, rather than identifying with them. Takes lots of work, though!

All of these responses are very helpful. Thank you

I believe the other person is just as an idiot as I am, so everything they say is stupid to begin with because only I make sense.