[Eteles]

So, I've been having job problems. Had to move back in with my parents. Extremely humiliated. Working on getting into schools and starting a new career, (yes I need the degree,) will know if I got in anywhere in the spring.

Extremely depressed. Queer. Living with conservative parents. Have a boyfriend who also lives with his, is even less employable than I am.

This boyfriend starts telling me I am too obedient to my parents. He's trying to help - I know he is. But thanking them for helping me through this time by respecting them is one of the few vestiges of honor I have left.

My shame at being in this situation has been turning into anger at him for bringing it up.

Showing that to him would not be acceptable. Have explained the way I feel to him; I think he's more worried about me killing myself in the future than how I feel at the moment, when he's telling me about the problem. I can understand his worry, but the emotion lingers.

Need a way to deal with this healthily, then get on with constructive things.

Any quiet activity will likely make me stew even further. Concentration is difficult; books out of the question, games and movies possible but likely will fail to grip. I do not feel comfortable with friends at the moment; fear I might snap at them. Also just... don't want to feel crushed by their will and the respect I have to pay towards it. And I seem to be acting like a help-rejecting complainer before any help is actually offered. Nevertheless: I'm trying.

Any advice as to some things I could try?

Thanks very much for your time and help.

[jaynedough]

Hi Eteles.... Sorry things are so hard for you right now. Your situation is tough and I don't really know what to say about that. As far as your actual question, I'll tell you what I do. I, too have concentration problems. I have found that if I do two things at once, it helps keep the bad thoughts at bay. Right now, I'm replying to your post and watching a Supernatural show on DVD. Regular TV has ads, which distract from my distractions. I'm also sanding a rock. This is how I keep from going totally crazy. When I don't have the TV on, I have the police scanner on. I pick up a lot of different localities, so it goes off frequently, but at odd intervals. That irregularity breaks up the obsessive thoughts. There is one thing I do that's kinda the opposite of this and that is photography. Everything seems to melt away when I'm out taking pictures. My brother said I see photographs. Though it is not practical for everyone, I find having a dog to take care of and to pet is extremely helpful.

I truly hope things get better for you. Keep reaching out here.

[Eteles]

Thanks very much for the help! Some excellent ideas here. Quite appreciated, and comforting, as well.

I want you to know this really helped me today; I'm not just saying that. Helped me focus both by giving me some great ideas and just by power of suggestion, too, I suspect.

You too - wishing you the best in your own struggles.