[ithinkimightbecrazy]

Hello all
I am wondering if anyone is able to shed some light to what it is exactly I am suffering from, google search hasn't provided me with any answers and has left me feeling even more confused. Ever since I can remember I've obsessed over extremely insignificant things, at the time these obsessions seem like such a big deal and completely take over my thought process and ability to function properly it's driving me insane. I could give you so many examples of my symptoms but I'll condense it down to the few so that you get the general idea of what goes on in my head, when I was about 8 years old I recieved a bike for christmas, this bike was blue but I wanted a red one for some reason this caused me EXTREME anxiety I knew in my head it wasn't a big deal but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong and pretty much felt like my life was over, it took me months of depression before I finally got over this, all the while knowing that I was being extremely crazy about the whole situation. When I was a bit older I used to collect and paint warhammer mini figures if any little tiny detail about them wasn't perfect I'd have to go over and paint them again, I knew in my head that things can never be 100% perfect but I never found any enjoyment in this hobby due to constantly stressing about things being perfect. I obsess over every little action I do thinking things like "is what I'm doing the right way to do this"? for example I can't even go to the grocery store to buy sugar or milk because I will be presented with multiple different brands to choose from and will be unable to know which is the "right" one to buy, I know this make absolutely no sense but I just can't shake the feeling that if I buy the wrong one something bad is going to happen. Recently I lost $20 out of my pocket, I know it's only $20 and not a big deal at all but I can't stop obsessing over it and feel like I can't move on with life unless I get the $20 back, completely crazy I know! If I have to make a decision in life I feel I need to research every single potential consequence of every potential decision thoroughly in order to make an informed decision, when I am not able to reach a definitive answer I suffer extreme anxiety and stress. I also compulsively spend hours of my day online researching my symptoms online in order to try find a solution to my problem, no matter how much I try to pull myself away from the computer I just physically cannot do it and become extremely anxious when I am unable to, this gets so bad to the point where I forget to eat and can waste a whole day researching which is very destructive to my life. Also I get extremely mad if someone touches my stuff like, if someone picked up my phone without asking me I'll get really mad and feel like my phone is now useless and I have to throw it out. Is anyone able to tell me just what the hell is wrong, am I crazy? I'm over these obsessions and just want to feel normal, HELP!

[avlady]

I don't think you're crazy, maybe you have some type of OCD? i don't know much about it myself, but there are others here and i know people who have it and it sounds familiar. maybe you could see a doc and t to explain it to, they would know i'm just spectulating, i hope you can get a diagnosis.

[Thunder Bow]

Seeing a Therapist will help. Are you seeing one?

[sherbet]

It does sound like there could be elements of OCD (the compulsion need not be a physical ritual like hand-washing, it can be a thought process).

I also suggest you look up catastrophizing (What is Catastrophizing? | Psych Central).

The indecision and the necessity to research every damn brand/option out there I can completely relate to. I go into a supermarket and my eyes glaze over. Which is the best choice? I plant my cart in the aisle and sometimes it takes me 20 minutes to pick out a ketchup and I feel like my cart and I are in everyone's way and everyone in the store knows I've been there for 20 minutes and thinks I'm crazy. Any time I need to make a simple trip or decision I think up so many variables and consequences (I check distances, the weather forecast for the following week, I consider the best order, I consider the best whatever-the-****)…sometimes I wind up not going at all where another person could have done five trips in the amount of time it took me to brainstorm. This tends to happen most often when I'm depressed (which tends to cause indecision, anxiety and catastrophizing). I find it helpful to just embrace it to a certain extent…all my friends know there are no accidental purchases in my life so they value my opinions. I also try to shop at smaller stores with fewer options

I also have a feeling you'll like this TED talk: Barry Schwartz: The paradox of choice | Talk Video | TED.com

Yes, do see a therapist. Believe it or not this doesn't sound all that bad or "crazy." Good luck!

[jaynedough]

Hi Ithinkimightbecrazy and welcome to PC.

I can totally relate. IDK what it is nor would I even try to diagnose you. This is having such a huge effect on your life that seeing a professional should definitely be on your To-Do list.

Though we don't diagnose here, you will find a ton of support.

[-jimi-]

Being a perfectionist deep down is about not seeing or accepting a greyscale. I wonder if to some extent this is genetic? I am not the extreme perfectionist others are but I have so much of it that I sort of know. I practiced with house cleaning a lot. Everything here was a mess, why? Because if I could not clean to total perfection, it was ruined anyway. So then why clean? I had to practice to make things halfassed and it took quite a long time before I actually thought that was OK and not a reason to feel really bad.

Perfectionism can go hand in hand with OCD but IS not OCD per se. Perfectionism can also be from autism spectrum, ADHD and OCPD.

It really does take the joy out of things. I have both a perfectionist trait and OCD and I can say that this not really OCD.

I also obsessed about lost money, I still do to an extent, but I sort of learned not to. If I lost 10 Euro I can think "Would I actually pay 10 Euro to get rid of this feeling of worry that I lost 10 Euro?" And I would think "Yes, easily!" In my mind that sort of solved the problem...

There is a lot of practice one can do to ease the blows from perfectionism. But it IS hard work and it IS anxiety provoking. But it is worth it.

[Eteles]

What would you do if the answer to the question 'am I crazy' is yes? What would you do if it's no? Would either reaction help your situation?

The fact would remain that you have a lifelong tendency to obsess that affects your well being. Please don't let the label take you down, if you can possibly help it. There's a lot of great advice above about how to begin looking at these issues. It does sound (to me, a non-professional who has no right to diagnose anything,) like an issue of perfectionism and invasive thoughts, and you are not alone in dealing with that, nor are you less of a person for having to.

Knowing that you're 'wrong' doesn't make it go away because the feeling is real, even if you don't want to have it. So how can you make this problem an acceptable part of your reality so you can begin to work through it?

[pegasus]

Hello ithinkimightbecrazy, welcome to Psych Central.

We can't diagnose here but it does sound very much like OCD and anxiety. OCD is a way of trying to make our stresses feel safe. None of us are crazy. Here are some links to some online tests you can do to get a better idea of what is going on for you. You can then print it out and take it to your doctor. The Sanity Score - Test Your Mental Wellness and Psychological Tests and Quizzes

[-jimi-]

OCD is an anxiety disorder. As it progresses it creates more anxiety. It doesn't work like harboring your anxiety so you stay calm, actually it does the opposite, it increases anxiety, that is why it is considered an anxiety disorder.