[Undeleterious]

I don't know who to talk to, or where to go to find help or guidance or even if this is the right place. But I just recently got custody of my 2 year old daughter from my ex wife. She's had my daughter and kept her from me from 3 months until last June. Up until recently me and my gf knew she was developing not slow, but not at a what you would consider normal rate. And the biggest 2 problems we are having currently and are worried about are her eating and drinking. My daughter will completely and totally have a mental break down as soon as she sees me or one of the other 2 children eat anything. Whether it be a small piece of candy or a plate of food. A little background from what CPS has told us when we was given my child prior to court and custody battle, my ex wife and her boyfriend she ran off with was into meth, both caught due to a domestic issue, where the cops was called because he was beating my ex wife. Police, CPS, victims advocate and everyone showed up and I got a call. We don't know the extent of my daughters abuse or neglect. But she does have scarring that was never treated at her doctors or hospital. We aren't sure if she was deprived of food or drinks. Because when we got her, she wouldn't move. She sat where ever you placed her. Wouldn't touch a toy or anything. Now we broke that habit she's playing with my step kids and is regular/normal as any other 2 yo. But back to the problem, she gets a sippy cup from one of us and she will drink the whole thing in one sitting, without pausing or breathing. And she has no "shut off" either, if we kept giving her the cups full she would keep going. If we get dinner made, the second me and my gf bring food and place it on the table, she has a episode like she won't get fed. We've had his child a year now, she's past the point we would think of the fear maybe of not being fed? Or maybe we wonder if she drinks the drinks the way she does because she takes it while she thinks she has the chance, as if she wouldn't get another one until indefinitely? Could someone please help in any way shape or form with guidance, answers, where to go/who to talk to about my daughters eating habit? We aren't too worried about the drinking one, but the food one needs corrected in some way. Thank you,
A.M.

[secretgalaxy]

Have you looked into going to family therapy? Or getting a nutritionist for her?

I have heard of orphans doing the same things as she is once they are adopted. My friend, being an orphan, went through that phase until she was 3-4. She became very chubby, but lost it as soon as she started school. I even had a phase for a while where I would binge eat 1000s of calories as a kid because of neglect when I was 3. I would eat as much as I possibly could as I was scared I wouldn't get anymore. It took a while to get out of the habit but around 10, I started eating more normal. Thankfully, I was extremely active so my body needed all the food I scarfed down, but my mentality behind food wasn't good.

I would give her time. Maybe show her where the food and juice is and give her an option of what she can eat at a certain time. Like show her a cup of green beans and a cup of carrots and let her choose. Same with juice. That might help her realize that the food isn't going away. I would also get her on children's vitamins if you haven't already. For me, going on vitamins really helped.

I am not a professional, so I am going off of experience, so definitely look into therapy for her. Even at this age, it will help.

Good luck, I hope everything goes well.

[pegasus]

Hello Undeleterious,

It does sound like it is psychological due to the neglect. I suggest first though that you take her to see the doctor (GP) and explain what you have here. She needs a physical first to rule out many things, much damage can be done to a growing child if deprived of food and water, both physically and psychologically. The doctor will help you move to the next steps and that should include a child psychologist and a dietitian. My heart goes out to you and your child.

[thecrankyone]

I would also look for a therapist who deals with neglected children, they should be able to help you teach her that food isn't going to be withheld, and she can count on having her needs met.

C a pediatrician first. Be sure to talk to him/her beforehand so he understands the problem. They are in contact with other professionals so will probably be able to refer u. A referral will also usually help get u in sooner. A relative had similar problems with an adoptive child. The doc gave very practical advise & even referred them to a support group. It took a great deal of patience on their part but today she is a happy, healthy, high school senior with no memory of that time of her life. Hang in there.

[Crazy Hitch]

I just wanted to leave you a quick note to say thank you for being so proactive about this situation and for wanting to make a positive change, especially considering the age of your daughter.

My wish for you is that all and any efforts made by you make in regard to your daughter's welfare serve in her best interest and that she may progress positively, moving forward, regardless of the obstacles that she may face today.

Kuddos to you for being a great dad