[Tanner101]

This might get a little long but that's mostly because I have no idea what's wrong with me, nor can I find a diagnose that perfectly fits all my symptoms. That said, i'm going to be as detailed as possible so thank you for reading.

The Problem:
I'm 20 years old and have been dealing with this problem ever since I was about 17? It's this feeling I have, that i'm disconnected, like i'm living in a fog, that my senses are dull, and sometimes I even feel emotionless. These feelings get better and worst depending on the week or day, but overall, I feel like it's getting worst as the years pass.

What I know about myself:
First thing that usually comes to my mind is a form of depression. Honestly I don't have any knowledge on depression, but I don't think I am. I mean I get down, and, at my worst, I do feel a bit depressed but, nothing severe. Throughout my life I guess iv'e had thoughts of "just leaving"/suicide but they come very rarely and are very brief, and I never see myself doing anything to hurt myself.

As far as emotionless, I was never the emotional type. It wasn't until recent (last couple years) I got in a long-term relationship that I've changed a bit and really felt love, and compassion for the first time. The hardest part is I get into these moods, and I want to be distant and left alone, they usually last no more than a day, and that's when this "foggy" feeling is the worst. During this i'm usually rude and disrespectful to the people i'm really comfortable with. It gets to a point where my girlfriend is crying right in front of me but I can't get myself to care, all I can do is give "fake" support and compassion . On the flip-side I do enjoy activities and feel happy on that outside...if that makes sense? People would say i'm a easy-going, never get mad, always laughing type of guy.

Another concern or reason could be stress. This is usually the other go to problem but, this is where I get confused. I honestly have no more stress than the average person. I think? The one thing I can think of that could cause excessive stress is being afraid of my future. I'm in a degree for a job i'm not particularly interested in, in fact I see it as my life ending once I get that job. Right now I work part time and set a lot of time aside for music, it's my passion but, I know once I graduate and get that job, I won't have nearly the amount of time for it. So there's this pressure of the clock.

Few last things about me(that might not matter):
-I feel like time moves too fast making my memories blur together. Also, if I try to remember something from when the feeling was at its worst, the memory itself also feels blurry, and disconnected.

-I had a good childhood, nothing that could be linked back.

-I'm the type of person that thinks logically. I'm usually always living for the future.

-I'm not super outgoing but not super shy or anything. I tend to stick to a few close friends oppose to many.

-Like a said the feeling is always there, just worst at times. It has never affected my schoolwork or working memory.

-I got a blood test recently and all my levels are normal.

Thanks again so much, I know its a long read.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hi Tanner,

I just wanted to stop by to give you a warm welcome to PsychCentral

It's good to see you here.

I know that you have heaps of questions and you're hungry for knowledge, which is great.

I'm glad that you've asked about it here, because I always say, if you don't ask, you don't know

And I'm sure there are members who will be able to shed some light on some of the things that you are wondering about.

Hopefully they can come forward and give you some of their own personal insight.

Take care and I look forward to seeing you around the forums.

[Thunder Bow]

Are you using Pot? You seem to have anxiety as well. Pot and anxiety can make cause what you are experiencing. You may want to see a counselor at school to help you with this.

[Tanner101]

I've never used pot or any drugs in my life

[Thunder Bow]

This forum has articles about depression. There are many places here to learn about depression from. Remember therapy can help if the depression gets overwhelming. Change and new things such as you are experiencing, can cause anxiety, and even depression. I think you will do well in the new job, and relationship.

[Msorganized]

I think you should start with your doctor if you have one. Dont let them push you out the door with a script for meds, ask for a referral to a neurologist or to get an mri. You may have a chemical imbalance or a neurological disfunction. I am sorry, i cant imagine that.