[Gareth Monkton]

Hello

For 46 years I was known within the community in which I live and work as a being a compasionate, generous person with high principles and moral values.*

In 2010 I became very unwell - severe depression, paranoia, psychotic periods. In the years that followed I became irrational and often reacted on impulse with little or no thought as to the consequences.*

My behavior and thoughts at times since 2010 have been totally out of character.

I often ask the question :-*

Is it the illness that caused what appears to be a different personality to that of the previous 46 years ?

Is the real me the person I was before becoming ill or the person afterwards ?

***

[pegasus]

Hello Gareth,

Your personality is the same as it was. It is the depression that constantly niggles away and makes you feel bad about what happened. You didn't purposely become psychotic, that was a real illness and you were unaware of your actions at the time. Depression is about guilt and loss and hidden anger, you need to forgive yourself. Have you had therapy for how you feel?

[Gareth Monkton]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello Gareth,

Your personality is the same as it was. It is the depression that constantly niggles away and makes you feel bad about what happened. You didn't purposely become psychotic, that was a real illness and you were unaware of your actions at the time. Depression is about guilt and loss and hidden anger, you need to forgive yourself. Have you had therapy for how you feel?

Thank you.

Is psychosis a total state ? I find that I drift in and out of it. Its like visiting s far of lsnd, one of bewilderment, and then leaving it and revisiting it later.

[pegasus]

Psychosis (imo) is a severe reaction to distress. People are not psychotic all the time, mental health naturally goes up and down in our lives. Psychosis can be part of many different mental health issues, in your case it is part of the depression, it's not unusual. It would be interesting for you to keep a diary of the times whan you feel more distressed and see if there are any triggers and you can also work with your therapist on reducing stress and this will help the psychosis too.