[Penny2008]

I'm a 20 year old female. I'm in college now and am a little overwhelmed and stressed. Recently, I've had these thoughts that kind of concerned me. I have a boyfriend that I care tremendously for but, I wonder to myself...what if I decide that I'm a lesbian? I have never been attracted to another female and have had other boyfriends but, I just can't shake these thoughts. When I see an attractive female I might think to myself; she's pretty! Just like any normal girl but I just can't shake the fear that I might be a lesbian! But the kicker is, I know I'm not. I want to work with children when I get out of college and sometimes I think, I'm not a bad person now but what if I turn into a bad person one day while I'm working with children. I've grown up in a loving home with awesome and protective parents. I admit, when I was in high school I was sheltered and would rather hang out with my parents than my friends. Can anyone tell me what this is....

Traynor 2015

It sounds like you have anxiety about many aspects of your life. From an outside perspective, it seems like these things are not a problem in and of themselves, but only because you are worried about them. I tend to be a pessimist and have had anxiety issues for many years, so I completely understand how easy it is to fall into that thought process.

I feel like there tends to be a range of sexual preferences amongst women - straight, lesbian, bisexual, bisexual with more interest in men, bisexual with more interest in women, etc. I know lots of girls (including myself) who find other women attractive but have no desire to be with a woman. So I think the thoughts you are having are totally normal and not something you need to fear.

As for turning into a bad person while working with children, I'm a little confused as to what you mean. Do you think something about working with children would change you for the worse? (and if so, why?) Or are you just worried that you will become a bad person for unrelated reasons and therefore not have a positive influence on the children you would be working with?

There are many people who are closer with their family than friends. It's important to have positive relationships with others, but personally I don't think it matters whether those people are friends or family. As long as you are happy with your social situation, that's what's important.

[Penny2008]

Originally Posted by DancesWithWorms

It sounds like you have anxiety about many aspects of your life. From an outside perspective, it seems like these things are not a problem in and of themselves, but only because you are worried about them. I tend to be a pessimist and have had anxiety issues for many years, so I completely understand how easy it is to fall into that thought process.

I feel like there tends to be a range of sexual preferences amongst women - straight, lesbian, bisexual, bisexual with more interest in men, bisexual with more interest in women, etc. I know lots of girls (including myself) who find other women attractive but have no desire to be with a woman. So I think the thoughts you are having are totally normal and not something you need to fear.

As for turning into a bad person while working with children, I'm a little confused as to what you mean. Do you think something about working with children would change you for the worse? (and if so, why?) Or are you just worried that you will become a bad person for unrelated reasons and therefore not have a positive influence on the children you would be working with?

There are many people who are closer with their family than friends. It's important to have positive relationships with others, but personally I don't think it matters whether those people are friends or family. As long as you are happy with your social situation, that's what's important.

Thank you sooo much!
I'm studying education and I guess I'm just worried that while I'm teaching I will become a bad person. I work in my church with young children and the thought of people abusing or hurting children sickens me! I don't know how anyone could do that! I know this sound ridiculous but I get this fear that says, wait, what if I become someone like that! Knowing that this will never happen, I still get that sickening thought!

Thanks!

One doesn't just decide to be gay

Being gay doesn't make you into a bad person

Being gay doesn't mean you shouldn't be working with children

[Artchic528]

Why would you even begin to equate sexual prefrence with being "a bad person"? It's like saying a man is a bad person because he has a penis. Why is being born a certain way a bad thing to you?

[freespirit37]

When you see a pretty girl, do you feel like you wish to have sex with her, or are you just admiring her beauty? There is a difference. Appreciation for beauty doesn't have to be sexual.

For those mentioning that being gay doesn't make you a bad person, firstly I agree. Secondly, I could be wrong, but it didn't seem to me like Penny was linking those two things together. I interpreted it as two separate thoughts that stress her out in different/unrelated ways.

[sammo777]

yeah, totally normal to look at people of the same sex and admire their looks, their hair, the way they dress -- it doesn't make you gay. If you think you might be gay -- no big deal these days -- depending on where you live, and your family background. Kiss a girl -- see what happens. You don't have to marry them!

As for worrying about becoming a bad person -- I reckon if you were a bad person, you wouldn't worry about becoming one. Don't let any of these "what ifs" prevent you from reaching your goals.

Keep smiling,
sammo

[Penny2008]

Thanks for the replies! I have a friend who is gay and I don't have an issue with that. I know I'm not gay but I feel guilt for thinking that I MIGHT be! is that strange. I can't shake these guilty feelings. I have a boyfriend that I care for very much....maybe that's why I feel guilty for having these feelings that I think a girl is pretty. I just want to wake up and be carefree again!