[Dinbravo]

Hi, I need some help in identifying the possible type of personality disorder with a person.
It seems to be a mix of a few disorders.
I will relate my story as accurately as I can.
Here goes.

We shall refer to this person as “X”

X and I were ex-colleagues.
X is a very young mother, married with 3 kids.
Gave birth to her first child at the age of 20.

X comes across as a very kind, charming and very sociable person.
She can get along with anyone and everyone.
Someone who comes across as so kind, it seems impossible for her to have any tantrums or temper.

During our time as colleagues (6 months), we did not interact much except on work basis.
I then resigned and joined another company shortly.

I recommended X to join my new company as the company she was with (my ex company) wasn’t doing well and was on the verge of staff retrenchment.
We started to communicate by texting a lot more during the time I arranged an interview for her with my current company. Dropping her hints on the job scope and what not.
Basically normal and general stuff.

This is where it all started.
During this time, X told me that she had feelings for me since the first day we met.
She mentioned that she found me special and different from the rest.
I sensed some red flag, however I just brushed it aside.
We continued our frequent texting on a daily basis until she joined my company in 1 month’s time.
During this 1 month she has been telling me how special I am and how much feelings she had for me.
I brushed her aside and continued our normal communication.

She mentioned that she is getting a divorce with her husband soon as he is having an affair.
She has been telling me that she has no wish to have any “status” (ie: married), and she just wants to be with me and be my woman on the sideline throughout my life.
As she does not believe in marriage any more, but believes in being with someone she loves.
She wants me to accept her as a sideline woman and to not leave her.
I rejected her as I was attached.
However she continued to persist passively.

She was extremely nice towards me.
She showered me with attention. She made it seem I was the centre of her world.
She filled my office bottle daily. Bought lunch for me when I was busy etc…
All this while, I had my guard on and consistently rejected her advances.
However I’d have to admit that it felt good with all that attention from a charming female colleague.

I have told her my reasons for rejecting her.
1) It will not be fair to her as most of my time will be dedicated to my partner
2) She will not have any status if she were to be my lover
3) The whole situation is against her favour and will never be fair.

She insisted that she does not ask for much in life. All she wanted to was to be with me and for me to love her. She also mentioned that she doesn’t need much of my time.
Just a small portion of it.
RED FLAG RAISED AGAIN.

2 months in joining my company, I crumbled and gave in to temptation.
We spent the night in a hotel.
Sex wasn’t exactly mind blowing, however it was better than most experiences I’ve had.
Another red flag I noticed, was that she refused to use protection and persuaded me to ejaculate inside her.

This went on for about 4 months.
During these 4 months, she would create opportunity to kind of end the relationship.
For example when she said that I wasn’t being fair in spending time with her.
Well, I’ve stated this out very clearly since day 1. But now her tune is changed.
We would then decide to mutually separate and remain friends.
However, everytime that happened, we will end up being together again.
As she will return 1-2 days later saying things like she couldn’t let go of her feelings and she still loved me etc….
I regretted each time I gave in for being soft hearted. She was a nice girl who has done and sacrificed much for me (or so I thought).

The final break up was made by me when she claimed that I had no time for her, and our “meetings” would always have to be planned in advance.
My priority was my partner, and that she didn’t like being sacrificed.
She did not want to be an option.
However much I tried to explain that she was never an option. And that I have stated clearly since the first day that this was expected, and that there will be no future for us. That this day will eventually come.
She wouldn’t listen. She will only talk about things from her perspective.
It was like me talking to a wall. Someone from a different world.
She somehow sensed that this time, I was determined to end it.

Possible trigger:

What happened next was that she missed her period.
Also claimed that I wouldn’t need to know about the child she’s expecting. I was taken aback, however I wasn’t prepared to return to her this time.
She told me that she would bring up the child and that I will have no access to the child or even get to meet the child.
I told her she may consider aborting the child but it is ultimately her choice.

I told her to take a pregnancy test, but she kept saying lets wait a few days more.
I told her I’d accompany her to the doctor to take a test.
She said no need for that she can go alone.
Basically, when I brought up the issue of going to the doctors, she would decline.
But when she ASKED me to follow her to the doctors, she would choose dates which she obviously knew I couldn’t go. Such as anniversaries and important meeting dates etc….
She would then accuse me of not being caring and that I was making use of her and cheating her.

At this point, she started playing pitiful. Saying things like there will be no one in this world to care about her etc….. and everything emotional. And saying things like she’s a cheap slut.

It pissed me off so I told her harshly that I suggest she aborted the child and forget about our relationship. And not to contact me again.
Though I didn’t mean it, it was a wrong move.
She then started saying that I hurt her, and that I was heartless etc…

She then mentioned that she will get an abortion the following day since I did not want her nor the child.
I told her it is her choice.

She proceeded with a non-medical abortion (injection to induce miscarriage).
After the “abortion”, she claimed that she has migraine and headache.
I googled that migraine is a rare and serious side effect and requires medical attention.
However she refused to visit a doctor even when I said I’d bring her to one.
Her acting was very good too. With tears trickling down her face from the pain.
She is very intelligent. She did not consume the pain killers I gave her in front of me. Instead took photos of it to show me she had been a good girl and took some pain killers.

2 weeks passed, and she claimed that the foetus was still growing strong. It is a miracle baby. She felt sad that she had to abort it. She said that this baby was meant to be in this world.
I agreed and told her to keep the child if the doctor certified that the child is healthy after the lethal injection.

2 weeks later, she claimed that the doctor said the child is not progressing normally. And that a medical abortion would be inevitable.
She then proceeded to do a medical abortion the following day.
Before that, she told me she wouldn’t know what her emotional state will be like after this abortion. She might go “crazy”. And if she went crazy, she asked me to forgive her and be understanding.

Few days after the medical abortion, she claimed that her womb was bleeding non stop and that she had to undergo blood transfusion. 3 packs of 1 litre blood.
She later claimed that her womb was damaged during the process and that it has to be removed in order to save her life. She said she was shocked and sad.
And it didn’t help that I wasn’t caring for her. She went crazy at this point.
Bombing me with emotional hurt and insults ie: I’m heartless. I didn’t care.
She also said things that devalue herself, such as she’s cheap. She’s silly. She’s a toy being made use of.

Wondering why was she so unlucky? To suffer from the worst and rare side effects of the abortion injection. Followed by a damaged womb. Did she go to a witch doctor or unqualified doctor I wondered LOL.

She claimed she was in hospital at the time I texted her.
I told her I’d come to visit her. She said its late.
Come tomorrow. She mentioned that her dad will be there tomorrow in the morning.
I said I couldn’t make it. She emotionally attacked me again.
However, I had intentions to go the next morning just that I did not tell her, did not want her prepared.

I then went to the hospital that she claimed she did the abortion at.
I was prepared thus I was not surprised or shock that this was all a lie.
When I reached, she called me asking me if I passed some money to the nurse. I said no. And I asked her which ward is she in.
She said she just left the hospital with her dad.
I then did my own investigation work there. Ignored all her calls and texts during that time.
The hospital confirmed that they do not do abortion at that hospital.
Even if they wanted to, there wasn’t any EQUIPMENT to do so.
Ah-ha! I knew it.
I proceeded to view the hospital’s patient’s records (those records were hand written in a book). Couldn’t find her name. No cancellation of patient’s names too.
I then walked around the whole hospital (small hospital) walking into every ward.
She sent me a picture of herself saying she’s in hospital, with a part of the hospital blanket and bedsheet and floor tiles in the background.
I noticed that the hospital’s blankets were blue and not yellow as per the picture.
The floor tiles also didn’t match the pictures. The pics a fake!

When I exposed her lies. She claimed that her dad (a high ranking officer in the government sector) has instructed the hospital not to disclose her particulars.
And that she has paid the doctor large amount of money to perform the abortion “illegally” at night.
I asked her what about the picture compared with the hospital floor.
She kept silent.
I asked her to remove her sanitary pad to show me the heavy blood flow as she claimed.
She kept silent.
At this point I felt I might have been too harsh and gone too far.
So I told her, its ok don’t have to show me. Don’t need to admit your lies.
I’ll just pretend it never happened. And we will forget about this issue.
I did that in order to save her from embarrassment (for exposing her lies).
However she insisted the abortion has taken place and that there is no need to prove anything if there is love and trust between us. However there is already no trust.
She is also unable to provide any evidence. Not even the hospital invoice.

Few days later, she asked me to buy her a pregnancy test kit as she thinks that her HCG hormones are still in her body even though the abortion has been completed.
I obligated and bought her one.
She took the test without me around. And later (ard 15-30min) showed me the positive result.
I then stole the test kit few days later, in order to find out if she was up to any tricks.
I took a sniff, it smelled of urine. I have no idea how she managed to get a positive result.

Again, 3 weeks later, she told me she was sorry, she lied about the first abortion in order to protect the child.
Makes no logical sense to me.
And that she will really go for an abortion the next day.
This time, she took pics of the abortion room. And told me (in advance) not to expect any invoices or bills from the hospital as she will not ask for any.
I did not reply the text.

After the “abortion”, things turned around, albeit nasty.
She started to claim that I was irresponsible.
And that since I did not want to take responsibility, I should make it up with monetary compensation. (She wanted 10 Grand)
I told her I’m fine with compensation. However since I did not believe the pregnancy took place, I demanded hard evidence. With that I am willing to compensate.
I recognised this as emotional blackmail.
(She will not want money)

I tested her by handing her 1 grand. She passed the money back to me.
I tested her again the 2nd time by placing the 1 grand in her hand bag.
She passed it back to me again. She is NOT after money. (or maybe not? Cast a long line to catch a bigger fish?)
Her reason was that since I was now willing to part with money, it does not thrill her anymore.
I figured that she just wanted to make things difficult for me.

We had a cold war going on for the next 3 weeks or so.
And then I found out that she was together with another guy who was working in the same company same department. This guy is her direct superior.
I found out that they have already been sleeping with each other and staying over at his place after being together like 3 weeks or less (impulsive behaviour?)

I have since moved on from this episode.

Anyway, guys from the story, what possible disorder do you think she suffers from?

[not quite right]

I'm no doctor, bear in mind, but it seems like a borderline personality disorder. First and foremost. There also seems to be some schizoid traits also. Every time you give in, you feed her fantasy, and that's bad. Sometimes we can't be nice, you need to put the brakes on her quickly, as it seems she may have the thought patterns of a stalker. A fatal attraction, if you will, and before you know it, she'll boil your bunny. Just my opinion. But whatever you decide, I hope it works out for you.

[pegasus]

Hello Dinbravo, welcome to Psych Central.

It does not necessarily mean that her behaviour is due to a mental health issue or disorder. Especially if the behaviour is fitting to the issues at the time. I can see that she was obsessive towards you at the start which could have been 'love.' That's not a disorder. Then the later behaviour of being manipulative towards you can be due to the circumstances at the time, she thought she was pregnant, maybe not but that is a scary thing for a young lone female. She wanted you to support her and take note of the enormity of the situation by lying in order to get you to stand by her. I feel the whole situation very sad indeed, I do hope you never get in such a situation again.

[Dinbravo]

Point to highlight. Met an old friend who was her senior at work 5 years ago.
He doesn't know our story.
However he mentione that she has told him before:
"I do not need any status. All I want is your baby. I love babies"
Exactly what she told me. 5 years ago. And now. Seems the pattern is the same?

[Dinbravo]

I also noticed she is not trustworthy.
She lied about her birth year. Thus making her seem older.
But I've seen the birth year printed on her indentification carD
First she claimed there was a mistake on print error
Next she claimed her dad did something to change her birth year on her ID card.
Impossible.

Also she once claimed she was making a trip back to her hometown to visit her parents.
Prior to the trip she was saying things like buying things for the baby to bring back.
And then said she will clear her **** before she disappear from this world.
While back at home town she claimed that she was working in a bakery shop earning miserable wages (she's making good money here btw). She did this while she was on unpaid leave. What?! Took unpaid leave to work for lesser wages. Instead of spending time with her parents.
Later on I found out (via her passport endorsement) that she did not go back hometown. Instead went on a holiday trip. With probably Only God knows who. No evidence on the companion so I shall not assume.

[Dinbravo]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello Dinbravo, welcome to Psych Central.

It does not necessarily mean that her behaviour is due to a mental health issue or disorder. Especially if the behaviour is fitting to the issues at the time. I can see that she was obsessive towards you at the start which could have been 'love.' That's not a disorder. Then the later behaviour of being manipulative towards you can be due to the circumstances at the time, she thought she was pregnant, maybe not but that is a scary thing for a young lone female. She wanted you to support her and take note of the enormity of the situation by lying in order to get you to stand by her. I feel the whole situation very sad indeed, I do hope you never get in such a situation again.

Well its been 11 months and we are still working at the same workplace.
She was with another colleague in this workplace since Feb this year.

Exact same scenario as I've been in, 3 months into the relationship, she claims to be pregnant.
3 months later, she claimed that she had a miscarriage.
Seems like she's doing this to every other guy shes been with.
What is the problem with such a person?
Now, could she really be someone with a personality disorder?