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Nov 17, 2015 at 03:31 PM
#1
How does a person learn to not take what people say personally and not harbor other people's opinions?
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 littleowl2006, vonmoxie, x123
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Nov 17, 2015 at 04:07 PM
#2
Hello CaramelSkky: Well... this is an excellent question. I've always been exquisitely sensitive to what others say. Any little slight tends to just cut me to the quick, as the saying goes. And I also tend to ruminate on such things to excess. To some extent, I find that I just have to wait & allow whatever it is that was said to slowly dissipate over the course of a day or two. Knowing that this is what will typically happen does seem to help somewhat. I also try to see such events as being opportunities to learn something about myself. In other words I try to be a "student of myself". What is it about what was said that has affected me? How might I have handled the situation differently? How might I handle a similar situation differently in the future? And then, beyond that, I simply try to accept whatever has occurred. As my Signature quote below says: "In other traditions, demons are expelled externally. But in my tradition, demons are accepted with compassion." My best wishes to you...
 
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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vonmoxie, x123
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Nov 17, 2015 at 05:04 PM
#3
That's a great topic. I'm also sensitive. Usually I assume complements are insincere, but I take criticisms personally. I saw a psychologist on TV say that when an immature person is criticized he/she asks the other person why the criticism is justified. A mature person simply ignores the criticism. I don't know. Probably that isn't a helpful observation.
I saw a Buddhist monk who said that the old saying "learn from your mistakes" is wrong. Most experts say we can learn more from our successes than we can from our mistakes, and focusing on mistakes makes us discouraged and depressed. For me personally, I have simply gotten older. Criticism hurts less after the umpteenth time.
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*Laurie*, vonmoxie
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deus ex machina
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Nov 17, 2015 at 06:16 PM
#4
One thing I remind myself of is that the things a person says often say much more about them, than about anyone they may be implicating. What I try to do is feel compassion for them, for whatever it is that may be causing them to be narrow-minded. Sometimes I try to help them with it, or to help them to see things in a manner that allows for a greater collective understanding.. in the kindest and/or funniest way I can, so that even if it's against their default will they can potentially receive some element of positivity from my communication.
Not saying it always works. But I find if I keep my aim steady, and focus on the hits, I don't worry about the misses as much. __________________ “We use our minds not to discover facts but to hide them. One of things the screen hides most effectively is the body, our own body, by which I mean, the ins and outs of it, its interiors. Like a veil thrown over the skin to secure its modesty, the screen partially removes from the mind the inner states of the body, those that constitute the flow of life as it wanders in the journey of each day.” — Antonio R. Damasio, “The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness” (p.28) |
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x123
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Nov 17, 2015 at 07:52 PM
#5
whoa... this is me.
I read a whole lot into things and always misconstrue people's intent. |
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Nov 17, 2015 at 09:09 PM
#6
I've been trying to get over this for years.
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Elder
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Nov 18, 2015 at 03:42 PM
#7
Never take bullying personally, for it is all about control. Accusations are about control. Judgments are about ignorance.
I am assuming you are speaking of negative comments by angry people. |
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Nov 18, 2015 at 05:39 PM
#8
Let me know when you found the answer
 Usually I draw a line between positive criticism and control/bullying. But it also depends on who is criticising. If I know the reasons for what I did, it is easier to hear what other people think of my actions. Maybe there is a grain of truth in every subjective opinion, not more and not less. Criticism can also be a defense mechanism of a hurt ego. (I try to think of that when my mom attacks me) - It still hurts and I am too sensitive, too. |
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Nov 18, 2015 at 07:18 PM
#9
Quote:
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Nov 18, 2015 at 08:04 PM
#10
I try not to take things personally by reminding myself that the stuff people say is almost always far more about them than it is about me. And that's really the truth.
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