[JustJenny]

Hi everyone. Last fall I was diagnosed with a burnout/adjustment disorder. My symptoms were depression, extreme anxiety with daily crying routine and some mood swings, all triggered by external factors (my work and events related to it). I had to take a three month sick leave and during that time I thought I have recovered. I went back to work on the 1st of February and I felt rather stable right until two days ago (Friday) when something at work has triggered an anxiety attack (nothing bad happened, but I saw a colleague of mine crying and leaving home in tears + some more harmless unpleasant things). I got terrified of having another burnout. I went home late and spent the rest of the evening in bed with my heart beating as if I was drinking gallons of coffee while running a marathon.

I will see my psychiatrist in two weeks and discuss if I can benefit from any meds to manage the symptoms. She kept telling me I don't need any in the past. I cannot quite my job - I am doing a PhD and this is supposed to be my last year, I have to pull though.

Does any of you have a success story of overcoming a burnout?

I understand completely what you are saying. I am not sure if my story is a success as I finished my PhD, but I'll try. How is your relationship with your supervisor?

[JustJenny]

Originally Posted by Nickname

I understand completely what you are saying. I am not sure if my story is a success as I finished my PhD, but I'll try. How is your relationship with your supervisor?

I opened up to them completely and then they threw it all back in my face. It caused even more anxiety. Never again. They think I am fine now and that's how I want it to stay.

Originally Posted by JustJenny

I opened up to them completely and then they threw it all back in my face. It caused even more anxiety. Never again. They think I am fine now and that's how I want it to stay.

Can you elaborate more, please? What did you tell them and what did they say? Thinking you are OK, while you are not is not healthy, not to you not to them, and you cannot solve the problem denying it.

Unfortunately, there is no handbook and guidance for how to deal with stress during PhD. It seems to me that everyone has to go through this. I haven't encountered one student who was content and happy. But I think more can be done in this front from the department's side.

Supervisors even don't help, generally speaking, technically. They don't suggest readings, solutions, or correct directions. Still worse, some supervisors are not friendly with their students, which is the worst position a student can find himself/herself in (no progress, no help, and angry supervisors). All of this makes it very hard for PhD students to find a way out. I understand your situation, believe me, but you are not the first or the last one to find himself/herself in this situation. Just don't give up.

Could you give me a hint how your research is conducted? Like experiments, statistical, theoretical? and why are you stuck (I assume this is the cause of your burnout)? And are there Postdocs working in the same group who can help you? This may be helpful to PhD students, where they can work as coauthors with them, to set them off.

[notz]

JustJenny, I'm sorry you've had such a hard time so soon back to work. I know you're going to work this out somehow. Since you have been at PC you've been a very good contributor and friend to others. You're grounded and logical and I know you're going to be ok.

Is there any way to get in to see your pdoc sooner than 2 weeks? A phone call? Perhaps during this re-entry to work you might consider going more frequently. I hope things get better for you! Keep posting.

[JustJenny]

Nickname, my anxiety is not triggered by doing work. I do a lot of experiments + reading, thinking, making theories. There are people who help me in my group and outside my group - I work in a big institute. My burnout was primarily caused (I think) by constant failed and inconclusive experiments. I failed to produce data in the long run and it killed my self-confidence. Right now I have a new project and my work flow is structured. The problem is I am terrified of falling back. Seeing a colleague cry last week reminded me of myself. I need to stay professional now.

notz, thank you for the kind words. My anxiety didn't last long - I felt fine the next morning. I am relaxed right now. The person who was crying last week didn't show up today. Oh boy, what a workplace.

I didn't produce results for the first 3 years. I know students who didn't produce results even in the first 4 years. But this doesn't mean you have done nothing.

Good you have people helping you, and the current project is well-defined and structured. These things help a lot.

I also recommend to keep talking to your supervisors, even if you have bad news, result-wise. Keep them updated all the time.

Anyway, good you are feeling better now.