I went out to buy some groceries. The store is about 10 minutes away. I went on foot. I didn't realize how I got there, and how I came back home. I was very occupied with my thoughts. I usually create these scenarios in my head and make a dialogue out of it. At some point I believe I was humming noticeably and making some facial expressions as if the scenario and dialogue were real. Is this normal, or I should worry about it?

I think normal is overrated. I have this theory that if you have to ask if you should worry about it then you probably shouldn't worry about it.
The only thing I'd find worrisome is not knowing how you got to the store or how you got home. Especially since you seemed acutely aware of everything else.
What do you think?

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by Nickname

I went out to buy some groceries. The store is about 10 minutes away. I went on foot. I didn't realize how I got there, and how I came back home. I was very occupied with my thoughts. I usually create these scenarios in my head and make a dialogue out of it. At some point I believe I was humming noticeably and making some facial expressions as if the scenario and dialogue were real. Is this normal, or I should worry about it?

I don't think it is normal as such, but then again it's not particularly abnormal either.

Post again when you don't make it home and find yourself lost and no idea how you got there. Enable GPS on your mobile so you can get home if this happens to you.

Originally Posted by George H.

I think normal is overrated. I have this theory that if you have to ask if you should worry about it then you probably shouldn't worry about it.
The only thing I'd find worrisome is not knowing how you got to the store or how you got home. Especially since you seemed acutely aware of everything else.
What do you think?

I go to this store everyday, so it is automatic for me to follow the path that leads there. It is not that I am completely unaware of where I am going and why, but I will be so absorbed in my thoughts that I don't know where I reached now in the path to the store or to home. I am not aware of what is happening around me if everything is normal, as I focus too much on myself and my thoughts/dialogues.

Originally Posted by ManOfConstantSorrow

I don't think it is normal as such, but then again it's not particularly abnormal either.

Post again when you don't make it home and find yourself lost and no idea how you got there. Enable GPS on your mobile so you can get home if this happens to you.

This is not what I meant. It is not that I don't know where I am all in a sudden and that I am lost.

Originally Posted by Nickname

I go to this store everyday, so it is automatic for me to follow the path that leads there. It is not that I am completely unaware of where I am going and why, but I will be so absorbed in my thoughts that I don't know where I reached now in the path to the store or to home. I am not aware of what is happening around me if everything is normal, as I focus too much on myself and my thoughts/dialogues.

Oh, I do that too sometimes. As long as your safety isn't in jeopardy I don't think it is worrisome.

Originally Posted by George H.

Oh, I do that too sometimes. As long as your safety isn't in jeopardy I don't think it is worrisome.

I spend a lot of time by myself, and I thought may be I am losing my mind. I do these dialogues every time I am not really occupied with something and almost everywhere, including in the movies, and sometimes to an upsetting point. Once I was reading a book, and at some point I created a scenario with someone who talked to me earlier and I didn't like what he said, and it upset me very much, that I couldn't read any more, and I had to go out for a walk to distract and calm myself.

I spend quite a bit of time by myself also. By choice. It's just my preference
What you described sounds unsettling. I don't know if it's a mental health issue or just your nature. If it's the former then it's something you can work on changing. If it's just in your nature you can also work on changing it. Or accept that it's part of who you are.
Did the scenario/fantasy that caused you to become upset differ from the real conversation? That seems important.

Originally Posted by George H.

...
Did the scenario/fantasy that caused you to become upset differ from the real conversation? That seems important.

For that particular one no. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't. So, later I created this dialogue. But in other situations I would create a completely hypothetical scenario, as how others (usually people I know) would treat me or say something to me, and then I will respond to that. Sometimes it is a positive scenario, but usually it is not.

[-jimi-]

Me doing this I think was because I was alone a lot when I was young. But it developed into two other things, a more interesting world than this, and, trying to prepare for conversations that will come.

I go inside very easy when I am not stressed or anxious. It is strange maybe, if it was something I did because of fear I would go hide there but it is the opposite, if I am afraid I can never go inside.

[kecanoe]

Sounds like you dissociated. Dissociation is normal: it's what happens to many people when they are driving a long way on the interstate. Or when you think of something you need from the other room and then can't remember why you went there. For some people dissociation is a problem, but that is usually when dissociation is triggered by some event.

Originally Posted by -jimi-

Me doing this I think was because I was alone a lot when I was young. But it developed into two other things, a more interesting world than this, and, trying to prepare for conversations that will come.

I go inside very easy when I am not stressed or anxious. It is strange maybe, if it was something I did because of fear I would go hide there but it is the opposite, if I am afraid I can never go inside.

What do you mean? Do you think this is something positive? or can be at least? and how?

Originally Posted by kecanoe

Sounds like you dissociated. Dissociation is normal: it's what happens to many people when they are driving a long way on the interstate. Or when you think of something you need from the other room and then can't remember why you went there. For some people dissociation is a problem, but that is usually when dissociation is triggered by some event.

It happens that I forget sometimes what I wanted a moment ago, but I am not talking about this here. It is something different.

Originally Posted by Nickname

For that particular one no. I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't. So, later I created this dialogue. But in other situations I would create a completely hypothetical scenario, as how others (usually people I know) would treat me or say something to me, and then I will respond to that. Sometimes it is a positive scenario, but usually it is not.

Ok... and I've done that too. If you're crazy then you're not alone I think I mentioned that I am an introvert and feel perfectly fine alone but I'm also comfortable in social situations. In between bouts of MI I have had a very full and active life. Sometimes I would live a bit too fast to make up for lost time. I hope you don't mind me sharing... I'm not trying to make it about me. Sometimes when people say something it makes me reflect and get an insight into something in my past. I think most people probably examine events or conversations and think of ways they could have done better... something they could have said or something they could have done differently. But living a parallel fantasy life or constantly questioning your actions isn't healthy either.
Part of this just sounds like fantasizing and there is nothing inherently bad or abnormal about fantasizing. I don't fantasize much anymore. I miss it a bit. Would you feel comfortable talking about some of these scenarios?

I don't remember anything in particular right now. Actually, even the dialogue I created in my mind today in my way to the store, I forgot what it was about. I remember with whom I had the dialogue, but not what it was about exactly. But it is related to my past and current experiences with those people, and how they will likely treat me in the future. My fantasy is mostly about the future not the past; what could happen given the past.

I should mention, I am easily distracted. Like I cannot focus more than 5 minutes on something. Probably I have ADHD. I don't know if it has something to do with this, too. My mind is filled with thoughts, if not with dialogues, ALL the time, and it seems that I cannot stop them.

For me I think that I was pushed this road to be alone and I embraced it, because I felt people don't understand, and even hurt, me.

No prob, I was wondering more about the nature of the scenarios than specific details. Over the years I've developed a touch of ADHD or ADD... the occasional tendency to lose interest in something I'm doing and move on to something else... whatever that is called. I have a touch of OCD too (heavy on the O) and when they compete it's very frustrating lol. If this bothers you enough maybe you can think about seeing a psychologist or other type of therapist. In the meantime maybe knowing there are other people who have had similar experiences helps. It's also interesting to hear the thoughts of others and find something you can use or just find thought provoking like the thing that Jimi described. Oh about roads... remember that its your road and you can veer left or right or any direction you think is best. Just choose your own road as much as you can and know that everyone is not out to hurt you.

Yes, I know not everyone is out to hurt me, but I am kind of sensitive, and I am hurt easily. Now, I wish I didn't take this road, though.

For the nature of the scenarios, say someone tried to make fun of me in the past, then, from no where and for no reason, I would create a scenario with that person, on how they will likely act the next time, and how I will respond. Sometimes my response will be defensive, and there I get upset in reality.

I think I see. Envisioning those scenarios may have a bit of satisfaction in them but ultimately I don't think they are good for you. In a way it sounds kind of like reliving something in your past. I'm not sure if you're envisioning having a response that makes the event turn out differently or not but either way I can't see it being a good way to spend time. There's no changing the past. The best thing you can do is to try to avoid those people as much as possible. Making fun of someone or bullying someone is just bad behavior. It reflects their bad character, not anything about you. They do this because of their own low self esteem. I guess in a way they try to transfer it to you or it just makes them feel better by hurting someone. I don't really understand the mind of a bully or a jerk that well.

I don't think it is good for me either. As I said, at times it is very upsetting, but I usually catch myself late, or after I reach the upsetting point. It just happens automatically. It is kind of re-living the past. Right.

After you got a clearer picture of the nature of those dialogues, do you still think it is normal?

When I am alone - it could be walking down the street, it could be at the bus stop, it could be in the shower - I too play out conversations and scenarios in my head. I am very self concsious of this and sometimes get scared I might have been mouthing out the conversations while in public. Eeek.

As for being on autopilot. That is normal. I'm sure most people can think of a time they went somewhere and don't remember most of the trip. I have ended up places and been mortified at the thought I might have gone through a red light, etc. This hasn't happened often but it has - and it is normal. It is called subconscious competence.

[winter4me]

Internal dialogue is common. (like when you think of just the right retort after it is too late to use it)---in depression, it is common to ruminate & get stuck in ruts. I have been there, am actually there again right now but it won't be forever.
What I find helps is to express myself---writing is good, but sometimes non-verbal creative activities are the very best at banishing the cud-chewing, bringing in the NOW and WOW of the small treasures in life---there is something about being able to represent feelings in action, whether physical activity, playing with paper/fabric/paint/whatnot---reminds me I should make a big batch of play dough for the grandkid...practical but much more satisfying than buying the thing. And, it is so much smoother, it will feel good to knead the colors into the dough...this thought takes me away for a time from the past...the what ifs, whys, blame game, the internal negotiations. ....if you can focus outside yourself, even on an animal, a tree, cooking a meal...it will interrupt the thoughts enough to at least let you know it is not "always".
[& i do think most of us have had the experience of driving or walking somewhere so well known, a path so well worn, that we are surprised by having missed so much of the journey, as if we were on automatic pilot, or "someone else" was travelling---it is a good reminder to pay attention...or to work at it...]

[DisfunctionJunction]

Idk much about "normal"... I guess that's something you gotta gauge internally. (Subjective). As far as internal Dialogue , I do it all the time... I'm not generally distressed by it although I do know the embarrassment of relizing I am in public and actually doing it out loud or mouthing along and making facial reactions as well But I feel personally that it is generally just a way of processing and sorting feelings.... I think it is only problematic if you find yourself stuck repeatedly on certain scenarios ( ruminating), harshly judging yourself over the shoulda coulda wouldas, and/or can't engage in the present when it matters thus missing new info cuz u are too focused on the past, for me that doesn't really include autopilot tasks like the supermarket or daily transit route. I feel we live in a world that doesn't accept the need for proper amounts of quiet time, so I process while doing the dishes, walking down the street, in the supermarket etc... I guess my rather overly detailed derailed msg to you is this..... If you feel it helps you deal and more forward (healthy)... If you find it distressing (seek help)

[avlady]

i get lost in thought alot too, but i think it is from my head injuries, i have fog brain all the time. ten when it gets really bad i start to fantasize and go into different scenerios about things i wish i had and people i wish i could see.

[lostinsidemyself]

Originally Posted by Nickname

I went out to buy some groceries. The store is about 10 minutes away. I went on foot. I didn't realize how I got there, and how I came back home. I was very occupied with my thoughts. I usually create these scenarios in my head and make a dialogue out of it. At some point I believe I was humming noticeably and making some facial expressions as if the scenario and dialogue were real. Is this normal, or I should worry about it?

I think this is a type of Dissociation. Here is something off 'the other site'; sorry for taking up so much room; I dont paste the link as to not 'advertise' the other site but I found this VERY helpful:

"Referencing Bill Tollefson

Dissociation appears as a fixed stare withglazed eyes. People say things to you such as, “You’re dizzy,” “You sure are spacey,” “Where did you go?” or, “Earth to Mary.” Dissociation is used to escape from uncomfortable situations, feelings, or traumatic events, such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, or verbal abuse. However, as adults, we have more and better ways to defend ourselves than by dissociating, and continuing to do so robs us of our vitality and ability to fully experience life.

As a child, when you experience a traumatic event, you have three choices: (1) Die; (2) Go insane; or (3) Dissociate. When you learned to dissociate, your head (thinking) disconnected from your body (feeling). Since then, you have been “living in your head, ” experiencing life intellectually, not emotionally.

It is important to remember that dissociation is not abnormal; it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. And you don’t need to have a long history of abuse. It only takes a single event to cause dissociation.

Because you learned how to dissociate, no matter what trauma you may encounter, you will never go insane, and your system will find a way to prevent you from dying. Your system will even sabotage a suicide attempt. All this is because no matter what happens, you want to survive. There is something in your Self which refuses to allow you to be destroyed.

The Dissociative Continuum

There are different stages of dissociation which lie on a continuum:

Daydreaming. Almost everyone does this. If you have ever let your mind wander in class because the teacher was boring, or driven to work and then not been able to really remember the trip, you have been daydreaming.

Imaginary Friends. Many children have imaginary friends. This is neither unusual or abnormal.

Dissociative Episodes. During traumatic events, extreme stress, or overwhelming emotions, you may “blank out,” “get lost in the carpet,” or even fall asleep. When you return you will not be able to recall where you mind went, or what you were thinking about. These dissociative episodes occur to help you avoid dealing with what is happening around or inside you.

Out of Body Experience. During a traumatic event, you may have the sense of being oustide your body, and feel that you are viewing yourself from a completely different vantage point. For example, you may see the event as though you were floating near the ceiling and looking down at yourself and/or your abuser.

Voices with Identities and Functions. You may hear voices inside your head telling you what to do or say. For example, one voice may tell you, “Date that person, he’s really bad for you.” You have compartmentalized yourself out of necessity, because although your abusers do not allow you to think, feel, or act for yourself, you still have to be able to function when you are away from them. Imagine you have put your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings into different drawers in a chest; there are dividers between them, but they are all touching, and you are aware of what is happening.

Fragments with Identities and Functions. If you need greater protection from your abusers, you may develop fragments with names, specific functions, and feelings. Your parents may demand that you be quiet, compliant, and pretend to be stupid. However, you also need to be a good student in school. You may have Quiet Clara who handles situations at home and Suzie Student who takes your tests at school. When a fragment is functioning for you, you may feel as though someone has “taken over” your body and you have no control over yourself; however, you are still aware of what is going on around you. What has happened is the that the “drawers” into which your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings are stored have become separated from each other and are no longer touching.

Note: At all levels of dissociation from Daydreaming through Fragments you are conscious of what is happening. Dissociative Episodes through Fragments are classified as Dissociative Disorders. 1-6 are all conscious and 7 is unconscious.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). This occurs when your need for protection from your abusers is so great you have developed alters, each with their own feelings, functions, memories, and names. You may be a quiet, conservative person, but one day friends might tell you they saw you the previous evening dancing on the tables at a local bar, wearing a see-through blouse, and claiming your name was Lolita. There is some or no communication between alters, but you are not conscious of what happens when an alter is “out” (functioning for you), nor do you have any*memory*of what the alter has done or said. You have crossed the “amnestic barrier, ” consequently when you switch from being yourself to being an alter, you lose time. You might have alters named Angry Alice, because you are not allowed to be angry in the presence of your abusers; Smart Susie, who is an excellent student despite your abusers’ insistence that you are stupid; and Creative Cathy, who likes to paint landscapes, which your abusers tell you is a waste of time. Nevertheless, all your alters are still you; they are parts of yourself which have become compartmentalized. What happened is that the “drawers” in you chest have become completely separated from each other. You have developed alters in order to protect yourself. Each alter holds memories, qualities, thoughts, and feelings that are perceived as being too dangerous for you to have. In order to develop alters, the abuse must have begun before the age of seven.

Note: All the above dissociative behaviors were developed as a perceived solution to a need. They were a child’s answer to how to survive a potentially life-threatening situation.

Determining Factors

How far you move up the dissociative continuum is based on the following factors:

Age of Onset of Abuse. The younger you are when the abuse begins, the farther up the continuum you may move. In order to go to DID, however, the abuse must have begun before the age of seven, because this is the age at which a child goes from “magical thinking” (for instance, believing in Santa Claus) to “rational thinking” (understanding that Santa Claus is really Mom and Dad).

Severity of Abuse. The more severe the abuse, the higher you are likely to go on the continuum.

Repetition of Abuse. The more often the abuse occurs, the higher you are likely to go on the continuum.

Perception of the Abuse. An event which appears frightening to one person may seem life-threatening to another. This does not mean one person is weaker than another! It simply means each of us has our own perception of individual events.

Sensitivity. Some people are more sensitive than others. As an analogy, think of a litter of puppies jostling each other. One puppy may cower in the corner and whimper, while another may bounce around and wrestle with its brothers and sisters. Again, this does not mean you are weak! This is just the way you were born.

Creativity. The more creative you are, the higher you may move up the continuum.

Intelligence. The more intelligent you are, the higher you may move up the continuum.

Pain Tolerance. Some people are born better able to tolerate pain, both physical and emotional. The lower your pain tolerance, the higher you may move up the continuum.

Experiences/Defenses. The fewer experiences you have (such as seeing how a friend’s healthy family behaves) and fewer defenses you have in place (such as being able to understand how sick your abusers were), the higher you may go on the continuum.

Resources. Not having a positive person (such as a loving aunt, a supportive teacher) or positive activities (such as being on the school newspaper or a member of a church choir) can cause you to move higher on the continuum.

Inconsistent Pattern of Behavior of Abuser. The more unpredictable, inconsistent, or confusing the behavior of your abuser, the higher you may move on the continuum.

Vicarious Abuse. You may develop dissociation from witnessing abuse happening to someone else.

The Origins of Dissociation

When you are born, you have physical and emotional boundaries, represented by the figure of the left, and a Core Self, represented by the dot in the center. *The image is a square box with a dot in the center.

When you experience trauma as a child, your boundaries are penetrated and no longer intact. the perceived invasion causes you to feel helpless, overwhelmed, fearful, and extremely exposed, leaving your Core Self vulnerable.

In order to survive the trauma, you separated into a Physical Self and a Dissociated Self. To prevent destruction of your Core Self, you hid it where your abuser could not find it. You then forgot where you hid it, because if you could remember, there would be a chance your abuser might get the information from you and thereby gain access to your Core Self and possibly destroy it.

Remember that you learned to dissociate in order to prevent yourself from dying or going insane. Everything you did was because you want to survive, and dissociation was the only option you had as a child.

Dissociation does not mean that you are defective, damaged, insane, stupid, or worthless. In fact, you are among the most gifted people in the world because it takes intelligence, creativity, and imagination to learn how to dissociate. Congratulate yourself on your ability to survive overwhelming trauma."

Originally Posted by lostinsidemyself

I think this is a type of Dissociation. Here is something off 'the other site'; sorry for taking up so much room; I dont paste the link as to not 'advertise' the other site but I found this VERY helpful:

"Referencing Bill Tollefson

Dissociation appears as a fixed stare withglazed eyes. People say things to you such as, “You’re dizzy,” “You sure are spacey,” “Where did you go?” or, “Earth to Mary.” Dissociation is used to escape from uncomfortable situations, feelings, or traumatic events, such as sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, or verbal abuse. However, as adults, we have more and better ways to defend ourselves than by dissociating, and continuing to do so robs us of our vitality and ability to fully experience life.

As a child, when you experience a traumatic event, you have three choices: (1) Die; (2) Go insane; or (3) Dissociate. When you learned to dissociate, your head (thinking) disconnected from your body (feeling). Since then, you have been “living in your head, ” experiencing life intellectually, not emotionally.

It is important to remember that dissociation is not abnormal; it is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. And you don’t need to have a long history of abuse. It only takes a single event to cause dissociation.

Because you learned how to dissociate, no matter what trauma you may encounter, you will never go insane, and your system will find a way to prevent you from dying. Your system will even sabotage a suicide attempt. All this is because no matter what happens, you want to survive. There is something in your Self which refuses to allow you to be destroyed.

The Dissociative Continuum

There are different stages of dissociation which lie on a continuum:

Daydreaming. Almost everyone does this. If you have ever let your mind wander in class because the teacher was boring, or driven to work and then not been able to really remember the trip, you have been daydreaming.

Imaginary Friends. Many children have imaginary friends. This is neither unusual or abnormal.

Dissociative Episodes. During traumatic events, extreme stress, or overwhelming emotions, you may “blank out,” “get lost in the carpet,” or even fall asleep. When you return you will not be able to recall where you mind went, or what you were thinking about. These dissociative episodes occur to help you avoid dealing with what is happening around or inside you.

Out of Body Experience. During a traumatic event, you may have the sense of being oustide your body, and feel that you are viewing yourself from a completely different vantage point. For example, you may see the event as though you were floating near the ceiling and looking down at yourself and/or your abuser.

Voices with Identities and Functions. You may hear voices inside your head telling you what to do or say. For example, one voice may tell you, “Date that person, he’s really bad for you.” You have compartmentalized yourself out of necessity, because although your abusers do not allow you to think, feel, or act for yourself, you still have to be able to function when you are away from them. Imagine you have put your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings into different drawers in a chest; there are dividers between them, but they are all touching, and you are aware of what is happening.

Fragments with Identities and Functions. If you need greater protection from your abusers, you may develop fragments with names, specific functions, and feelings. Your parents may demand that you be quiet, compliant, and pretend to be stupid. However, you also need to be a good student in school. You may have Quiet Clara who handles situations at home and Suzie Student who takes your tests at school. When a fragment is functioning for you, you may feel as though someone has “taken over” your body and you have no control over yourself; however, you are still aware of what is going on around you. What has happened is the that the “drawers” into which your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings are stored have become separated from each other and are no longer touching.

Note: At all levels of dissociation from Daydreaming through Fragments you are conscious of what is happening. Dissociative Episodes through Fragments are classified as Dissociative Disorders. 1-6 are all conscious and 7 is unconscious.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). This occurs when your need for protection from your abusers is so great you have developed alters, each with their own feelings, functions, memories, and names. You may be a quiet, conservative person, but one day friends might tell you they saw you the previous evening dancing on the tables at a local bar, wearing a see-through blouse, and claiming your name was Lolita. There is some or no communication between alters, but you are not conscious of what happens when an alter is “out” (functioning for you), nor do you have any*memory*of what the alter has done or said. You have crossed the “amnestic barrier, ” consequently when you switch from being yourself to being an alter, you lose time. You might have alters named Angry Alice, because you are not allowed to be angry in the presence of your abusers; Smart Susie, who is an excellent student despite your abusers’ insistence that you are stupid; and Creative Cathy, who likes to paint landscapes, which your abusers tell you is a waste of time. Nevertheless, all your alters are still you; they are parts of yourself which have become compartmentalized. What happened is that the “drawers” in you chest have become completely separated from each other. You have developed alters in order to protect yourself. Each alter holds memories, qualities, thoughts, and feelings that are perceived as being too dangerous for you to have. In order to develop alters, the abuse must have begun before the age of seven.

Note: All the above dissociative behaviors were developed as a perceived solution to a need. They were a child’s answer to how to survive a potentially life-threatening situation.

Determining Factors

How far you move up the dissociative continuum is based on the following factors:

Age of Onset of Abuse. The younger you are when the abuse begins, the farther up the continuum you may move. In order to go to DID, however, the abuse must have begun before the age of seven, because this is the age at which a child goes from “magical thinking” (for instance, believing in Santa Claus) to “rational thinking” (understanding that Santa Claus is really Mom and Dad).

Severity of Abuse. The more severe the abuse, the higher you are likely to go on the continuum.

Repetition of Abuse. The more often the abuse occurs, the higher you are likely to go on the continuum.

Perception of the Abuse. An event which appears frightening to one person may seem life-threatening to another. This does not mean one person is weaker than another! It simply means each of us has our own perception of individual events.

Sensitivity. Some people are more sensitive than others. As an analogy, think of a litter of puppies jostling each other. One puppy may cower in the corner and whimper, while another may bounce around and wrestle with its brothers and sisters. Again, this does not mean you are weak! This is just the way you were born.

Creativity. The more creative you are, the higher you may move up the continuum.

Intelligence. The more intelligent you are, the higher you may move up the continuum.

Pain Tolerance. Some people are born better able to tolerate pain, both physical and emotional. The lower your pain tolerance, the higher you may move up the continuum.

Experiences/Defenses. The fewer experiences you have (such as seeing how a friend’s healthy family behaves) and fewer defenses you have in place (such as being able to understand how sick your abusers were), the higher you may go on the continuum.

Resources. Not having a positive person (such as a loving aunt, a supportive teacher) or positive activities (such as being on the school newspaper or a member of a church choir) can cause you to move higher on the continuum.

Inconsistent Pattern of Behavior of Abuser. The more unpredictable, inconsistent, or confusing the behavior of your abuser, the higher you may move on the continuum.

Vicarious Abuse. You may develop dissociation from witnessing abuse happening to someone else.

The Origins of Dissociation

When you are born, you have physical and emotional boundaries, represented by the figure of the left, and a Core Self, represented by the dot in the center. *The image is a square box with a dot in the center.

When you experience trauma as a child, your boundaries are penetrated and no longer intact. the perceived invasion causes you to feel helpless, overwhelmed, fearful, and extremely exposed, leaving your Core Self vulnerable.

In order to survive the trauma, you separated into a Physical Self and a Dissociated Self. To prevent destruction of your Core Self, you hid it where your abuser could not find it. You then forgot where you hid it, because if you could remember, there would be a chance your abuser might get the information from you and thereby gain access to your Core Self and possibly destroy it.

Remember that you learned to dissociate in order to prevent yourself from dying or going insane. Everything you did was because you want to survive, and dissociation was the only option you had as a child.

Dissociation does not mean that you are defective, damaged, insane, stupid, or worthless. In fact, you are among the most gifted people in the world because it takes intelligence, creativity, and imagination to learn how to dissociate. Congratulate yourself on your ability to survive overwhelming trauma."

I am sorry, this is too long for me to read. English is not my first language, and I have concentration problems. Can you summarize it in one short paragraph as you probably read it already?